Harry Potter's Deepest Fears
by Julia White
Summary: CHAPTER 24 UP! Entering his six year Harry with come face to face with his deepest fears. Death will be a common factor in his life this year, and trying to cope with those already lost leaves Harry tittering on the edge of sanity. Please R&R... HG RHr
1. Deepest Fears

**Harry Potter's Deepest Fears. **

**By: Julie White**

**Disclaimer: These are not my characters or situations I am merely toying with them.**

**This chapter has been updated. **

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Harry Potter was at the top most tower at Hogwarts. His beloved school– his home was burning around him.. He couldn't remember how he had gotten here. Where was Ron, and Hermione? Where was Ginny!? He had to find them. He just hoped he wasn't to late. He ran down into the halls, the sight before him was horrific.

He was walking around a Hogwarts on fire. Pictures burned, Student ran by covered in ash and bleeding. Many had broken arms and legs. Many laid on the floor either unconscious or dead. Their friends were trying to wake them looking up at Harry and crying for help. Harry walked past them thinking only of the friends he could not find.

It was dark despite the flames. Harry could not even see right in front of himself. "Lumos!" Harry cried. I circle of light lit his feet but did nothing to help improve his vision. Harry ran a hand over his face pushing his hair away from his eyes. His glasses were cracked, Harry took them off and glanced at them.

"Occlus Repairo" Harry said thinking of Hermione.

She had taught him that one. She had taught him so much and now- NO harry thought she couldn't be. He would find them all of them alive and they would be fine he HAD to find them. They had be so brave. True Griffindors to the end. The last time he had seen them was down by the library.

Harry began to run that way. Other students jostled past him running the other direction. The Death Eaters were last seen by the libraries as well and people wanted as far from them as possible.

Harry hadn't seen any teachers for two floors now. He wondered if they were all dead. The sad hollow look in Professor McGonagall's eyes as she took her last breath was still fresh in his mind. Harry shook his head and tried to clear the vision from his mind. He had to think clearly. Keep his guard up.

Harry was alone now in the halls. They burned around him. The people in the portraits were crying out to him as they burned. Harry ran past them jumping over bits of stone that littered the floors.

Harry finally made it to the library, he stood out side for just a moment then quietly peered around and looked in. The book cases were turned over. Desks were up righted. There were no Death Eaters in sight.

Blood covered the books that lay streamed across the floor. Harry walked into the room. Roaming carefully around the mess.

"RON!" Harry shouted then quickly hid just in case. When he was sure there was no one around. Well no one unwelcome he emerged and shouted again. "RON! HERMIONE! GINNY!" his voice cracked on the last name.

Ginny poor, sweet, young, Ginny. It had taken Harry quite awhile but he finally realized how much he loved that girl. It would be cruel to take her away from him now. Right after he had finally gotten her. Harry walked deeper into the library. Searching, praying that he would find someone.

Harry would always remember when his deepest darkest fears came true. He turned a corner and there on the ground half under a book case and surrounded by the books she loved so much was Hermione.

"HERMIONE!" Harry cried running to her and falling down beside her. "Hold on Hermione. Hold on!"

Pulling out his wand Harry aimed it at the book case and lifted it off of her. She was covered in blood her once beautiful face was cut and bruised. He turned her over and pulled her to his lap.

"Hermione" Harry whispered his eyes filling with tears. "Please Hermione." Her beautiful eyes opened and she let out a wrangled breath.

"Har-rry." It was nothing more than a whisper. Tears ran down her face. "Harry."

Harry fought the tears, but lost. "Shhh– Hermione please you're goin be alrigh– pleases." he begged her to stay. She smiled at him and raised her hand to his face touching his lips and cheek softly.

"I–I love." but she never finished. The words died on her lips. Her eyes were soft and honest looking into Harry's soul. Harry pulled her closer kissing her forehead and rocking back and forth.

"NOOOOO!! HERMIONE. NO!!!." He screamed and cried many minutes. His voice was dying. He looked down at his best friend. She had so much to offer to the world. Ron was so lucky. Harry then remembered the others. He slid Hermione off him and brushed her hair away from her face. Closing her eyes and giving her one last kiss. This was his goodbye.

Some how he found his feet. He started to search again. Praying he would find them alive.

Harry walked into the restricted section and couldn't breath. The selves and books in here, even the air was tinted green. And laying in the middle of it all was Ron. Harry leaned to the door jam. No longer able to hold his own weight.

Ron had really developed into his own person the past year. Toned and defined muscles had been the result of many Quidditch games. He had finally stopped growing was now nice round 6 foot 4. Now the new man was laying on the ground his skin a pale greenish color. His eyes were not shock like most but of anger. Ron died fighting. He died brave.

Harry did not hold Ron he didn't shed a tear. He had to fight. He had to find Ginny and fight. HE had win. This would be his honor to Ron. This would be his way of showing how much he loved him. Then he would come back morn. Harry walked by the only man he ever loved more than Sirius. He walked by his best friend, his brother.

Up ahead in the back room of the library Harry heard a commotion. As he looked in he filled not only with anger and fear but with hope as well. There was Ginny, surrounded by Death Eaters. Her wand was drawn but she was losing. Yet she was alive.

Harry ran into the room shouting curses at as many as he could. The sound of his voice must have shocked Ginny because for a split second she let down her guard and looked right at Harry then she smiled one of those full smiles that really shows its love. Harry was filled with the warmth and the knowledge of that smile. It said they may have lost the ones they loved but they had lived and would make it out together.

Harry was so happy that he didn't think he could ever feel sad again. GINNY was alive. She had made it and her and Harry were going to live.

That's why neither of them heard the words of the killing curse. And that's why when they saw the green flash it was too late. It hit Ginny in the chest knocking her backward off the desk she was standing on. Harry broke into a full sprint. Catching her as she fell backward. She was a dead weight in his arms. Her face and eyes still showed the happiness they had shared.

Harry felt like dying. Wanted to die. He had no reason to live. No one left to live for. He held her slightly aware that the Death Eaters had left for some unknown reason. Harry didn't care why. He held the girl he loved and looked into the happiness. He kissed her gentle on the lips and cried on her chest holding her close to him. He cried to no one for a long time.

Then he picked her up and slowly carried her into the room with Ron. Harry laid Ginny down next to her brother. Then looking at Ron he grabbed his cold dead body and hugged him. Crying on the shoulder of his best friend. He set Ron back down. Harry knew what to do. He was already dead inside. He walk out of the library looking for a Death Eater or Voldemort. They seemed to have been waiting for him.

"How very sad Harry now I have killed all of your family. Now you have no one no reason to live" Voldemort was smirking at Harry snake like slits that were his eyes staring into Harry. Harry just looked at Voldemort walked right up to him and closed his eyes.

"Kill me, KILL ME!" he shouted. Harry had no reason to live. He wanted to die. To just forget everything.

"Harry– Harry– HARRY!" it was Ron's voice. How much Harry wanted to hear Ron to see him one last time to hug him and tell him how much he meant to him. But Harry did not dare open his eyes Ron was dead and hearing his voice was just wishful thinking. Ron was dead. Still Harry could not fight the temptation.

Has he opened his eyes bright morning sunlight shone onto his face. Ron was standing above him looking worried.

"You were screaming 'Kill me' I got worried mate!"

Harry looked around him he was at the borrow in Ron's room. Hermione and Ginny were sitting on Ron's bed looking worried and scared. Harry sat up slowly looking at them tears still in his eyes. Her stood up and threw his arms around Ron, Hermione, and Ginny hugging them all tightly and crying over and over. "I can't lose you! I can't lose you!" They hugged him back to scared and worried to ask.


	2. I can't lose you

**Harry Potter's Deepest Fears**

**Chapter 2 - I can't lose you**

**Disclaimer - Rose are red and violets are blue if I owned Harry Potter I wouldn't be here.**

**A/N: I would just like to tell you all I wasn't going to make this into anything but a one time ficlet but because of reviews I have gotten I've decided to make it into my 6th year fic. **

Harry couldn't let go. He stood there hugging his three best friends struggling to gain his composure. He just kept remembering how it felt to see them laying there dead. The looks on their faces would never go away. It wasn't real Harry told himself just some stupid dream Ron, Hermione, and Ginny are all right here they are ALIVE Harry get a grip on yourself. Harry sniffed loudly and let go backing away from his best friends and sitting back on his bed.

Ron just stared at him. "You all right, mate?" Harry could tell they were all asking him the same question with their eyes. Harry nodded a bit trying to get the pictures out of his head. He felt an arm around his shoulder and looked over to see Ginny sitting next to him.

"Harry? Talk to us. What was it?"she was so sweet, and calm. Harry looked into her eyes and the look of them when she was dead shot into view. Harry shook his head. Tears streaming down his face again. Ron had pulled his bed next to Harry's so he and Hermione could sit on it and still be close to Harry. Hermione's hand was on his knee and Ron was holding her other hand. Ginny had laced her arm back and around to hold Harry's hand.

"I– I just can't" he stopped it was so hard to get the words out. They hadn't been their they wouldn't understand what he had felt. To see and hear a persons last moment. None of them had been there last year. They hadn't seen Sirius fall. They hadn't watched anyone die how could they ever understand his fear. Hermione lifted his chin and looked at him with her beautiful bright eyes.

"Harry– we won't leave you." she had spoken his most inner fear. He sometimes wondered if maybe she was wrong and Hermione sis have the gift of Sight even if she didn't believe in it.

"But - you can't know that for sure." He couldn't make them understand. That if Voldemort wanted them dead than they would die and Harry didn't know if he could stop him. He couldn't save Sirius or Cedric. How could he save anyone?

"We're not going leave you mate. Best mates for live remember? There's no way we're going to abandon you." Ron stated as though it was obvious. Harry looked up at him with fire in his eyes. Why wouldn't they understand you can't just say I'm not going to die. They couldn't control that. Harry let go Ginny's hand and stood up quickly knocking Hermione's hand away. He stared at Ron.

"YOU JUST DON'T GET IT!" He screamed. Harry turned and walked away from them if he stopped talking to them, if he made them mad enough then they would stop being friends and Voldemort wouldn't want them. Harry ran different ways of making them mad through his mind. He walked down the rickety stairs of the burrow past Percy's abandoned room then past Fred and George's room. They had moved out to and apartment right above their shop in Diagon Alley. He entered the kitchen to find Mrs. Weasley making breakfast. She heard him enter and looked up.

"Well, good morning Harry I was about to tell those three to wake you up for soem hot breakfast. Eggs, bacon sausage and pancakes. Now sit down while I get you a plate." She started bustling around the kitchen fixing him a very large plate of food. She ducked into the frig shouting out to him. "What kind of juice Harry dear?" she peered out from behind the door holding a container of orange juice only to find that Harry had left through the back door. Mrs. Weasley shook her head. She was very worried about that boy she wondered if he had had another set of nightmares. "Ronald Weasley!!" well someone was going to eat breakfast.

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Harry felt slightly bad about giving Mrs. Weasley the slip but he did not feel like talking to anyone at the moment. The walked into the back yard and over to the large wall the Weasley's had. He sat on the wall his feet dangling over the end. It was a beautiful day the sky was turning a bright crisp clear blue and there were no clouds to speak of. This day was so different from his dream. Yet the dream had seemed real. Harry wished he could write a letter to Sirius to explain to him what he was thinking. He had to cut himself off that was the only choice. He had to find away to separate himself from his friends so they didn't get hurt. With Ginny he thought momentarily he could just break up with her. Harry decided he would tell her he lied and that he didn't love her and never wanted to see her again that way she would be safe. Harry held his head in his hands. He hated the thought of never seeing her again but if he could keep her alive by not being with her by not seeing her then that's what he would do. She was everything to him. If she died he wouldn't be able to live. Harry thought that maybe if Voldemort was killed and by some miracle Harry lived than maybe they could get back together. He also thought that this would work well because if he did die then she would not be hurt and feel the pain of his death. Harry also thought that his would work well with Ron because if he broke Ginny's heart Ron would be pissed. Hermione might be harder though. It would help that Ron was mad at Harry but he would just tell Hermione to stay away from him. He was suppose to go back to Hogwart's in a week so he would tell Ginny today and then go stay with the Dursley's for the rest of the week.

Harry let his mind wander back to the beginning of the summer. Harry had gone back to the Dursley's in shock. He didn't leave his room for nearly a month. His Aunt would bring him meals everyday but he refused to come out. That was until he started getting letters from Ginny. All his friends had been sending letters all Summer even Luna and Neville sent him letters. He had gotten a few from Ginny but then one came that made his heart just leap. Harry carried it with him every were. He pulled it out the crumpled bit of parchment that made his heart scream in pain and soar at the same time.

_Dear Harry,_

_I right to you today with horrible news. You have always said that none of us know what it is like to lose a loved one. A parent. Today Ron and my brothers and I can relate to you. We just receive the official letter, But Mum knew before it got here. Harry I hate to tell you because I know he meant a lot to you too but Dad died last night at work. There was an attack at the ministry and he was working late. We are told he fought bravely to protect others. I had to right to you. I am sure that you will get more letters from Ron and Hermione maybe even from Mum telling you what happened, they are all still in shock downstairs in the kitchen. A s soon as I heard I came to wright to you._

_I think it must not have sunk in yet. I –Harry I now know how you feel. I understand what you meant about not being able to explain because even to you I can' t explain what I am feeling. When I first met you Harry I fell in love with the idea of you. I fell in love with the Boy Who Lived. I think the reason I wrote to you when the rest of my family can't think of anyone but the family is because to me you are my family – well part of it. To me Harry you have grown to something so much more than the Boy Who Lived. Dad's death has taught me so much. Most importantly that life is short and so very precious. Harry I know that you must view me as just your best friends little sister but to me you are so much more than Ron's best friend. I think of you as one of my best friends and I hope you view me in a similar way. Harry I have to tell you because who knows if I'll have tomorrow to say it: Harry I love you. Not the Boy Who Lived but you Harry James Potter my best friend._

_ Love always,_

_ Ginny Weasley_

_P.S. Mum wants me tell you that we will be picking you up later on today for the funeral._

Harry read the letter twice. That was such a sad week. Harry was devastated by the death of Mr. Weasley but the letter form Ginny had rock him more so. To think in her most hurtful depressing moment Ginny Weasley had thought of him, Harry. Harry had stood by her at the funeral. Ginny on his right and Ron on his life. He had listen as they lowered Mr. Weasley into his grave and had held Ginny as she cried. He had even cried a bit with her. Two weeks into July, two weeks after the funeral of her dad Harry had taken Ginny for a walk. They had walked and talked for hours. By the end of it Harry felt so happy. They had talked of life and death and of his parents and Sirius. Harry had shared with her the events of the grave yard. She had shared with him the pain of not having her father to turn to. They were sitting on this very wall when as the sun set Harry had leaned over and took Ginny's hand. He smiled at her lowered his face and kissed her gently. When he pulled away he whispered in her ear a very soft meaningful "I love you too". From that moment on they had been together. Harry refolded the letter and made to stand up. Now after only a month and a half Harry had to break up the best thing that had ever happened. He turned to walk back to the Burrow only to find Ginny standing there looking at him with worry in her eyes. He sat back down on the wall Ginny sat next to him and folded her hands in his.

All Harry could think was how he hoped she could forgive him one day.


	3. In this Together

**Harry Potter's Deepest Fears**

**Chapter 3 – In this together**

**Disclaimer: Not JK Don't make money for my writing. **

Harry sat there his hand folded in Ginny's. He looked at her out the corner of his eye. She was so beautiful. The bright morning? Harry wasn't even sure what time it was. The sun was to high to be morning still. Whatever time of day the sun shown off Ginny's hair making it glisten. Her red locks looked golden in the light. Like fire Harry thought with only a bit of irony. Her hair was so straight, she had it clasped in the back with a clear clip. A strand fell across her face. Harry's vison traveled to her face. The most beautiful blue eyes. Staring out into the horizon looking at nothing but at everything as well. She was so beautiful. Her hands were so much smaller than his own. He looked down at them and turned them over in his. There were calluses on them from Quidditch. Harry smiled to himself, as he remembered all of them playing on brooms in the weeks after the death. Ginny was a very good chaser they were going to have a great team this year.

"Ginny..." Harry wouldn't look at her it would make this harder. He let go of her hand. "Ginny I've been thinking" he said it much colder cutting off the emotions and feelings he had for her.

"STOP!" Harry was so shocked when Ginny spoke that he looked up quickly and right into her tear filled eyes. He couldn't do this he couldn't watch the pain he had to get this over with. Quickly.

"Ginny I can't we need to" but what they needed to he never got to say because Ginny's hand made a deafening crack against his cheek. Harry looked up at her. His hand came up to his cheek and he rubbed it.

"I SAID STOP!" she shouted tears dumping over the edge of her eyes. She whipped a hand over them and shook her head. "I WILL NOT LET YOU PUSH ME AWAY!!" she looked right at him. Despite her best efforts the tears were reforming. "Don't try to push us away Harry. Please. Just talk to me. Talk to us." Ginny had grabbed his hand and with the last part Ron and Hermione came to join them on the wall. "You can't get rid of us Harry." Ginny held his hand tighter. Like she was afraid he might pull it away and run again.

"She's right you know. We are not going to let you pull away." smiled Ron as he sat down.

"Honestly Harry I thought you would have figured that out already." Hermione sat down with Ron. They looked at Harry waiting for him to explain himself.

Harry was befuddled. Didn't they understand. He couldn't protect them if they were friends. Everyone he got close to got hurt. His parents, Cedric, Sirius. He couldn't risk them.

"I can't protect you." he said looking at them each meaningfully.

"Harry why do you think you have to protect us?" Ron was looking at him worried. "We've told you before you don't always have to play the hero." With this Hermione kind of elbowed Ron.

"Harry" said Ginny pulling his attention away from Ron and Hermione. "Tell us about the dream." Harry looked at her for a moment remembering the look of triumph at the sight of him. Harry pulled her onto his lap holding and hugging her tightly.

"We were at school and I — I woke up on the astronomy tower.

He paused trying to fight the fear that was building in him even now. "And everything was...everything was burning and people were dead. McGonagall was dead.

He stopped to look at each of them as to coney the effect the death their beloved Head of House had on him. They each had looks of horror on their faces. "I couldn't find you. None of you and everyone was running the wrong way and they all wanted my help but I couldn't because I had to I HAD TO FIND YOU!" his voice broke. He was speaking much faster now he was trying to make them understand how helpless and scared he was. "No one would help me. They just kept yelling and screaming at me. The pictures, the pictures." Harry couldn't breath he was hyperventilating trying to tell them how even the pictures wanted his help.

"Harry! HARRY! Ron help him he's not breathing!" Ginny was holding Harry up. He could hear her screaming. He grabbed her shirt and pulled her face to his.

"Gi-nny. The –pic–tures!...Th–e PIC–TURES!" Harry's eyes were rolling in the back of his head. Everything was going black. He had to make them understand had to make them see how helpless he was. How he couldn't even save the pictures.

"RON!! Help Him!" Ginny was crying holding on to Harry and telling him she understood to just breathe. Ron was trying to get Harry to calm down and Hermione had gone to get a paper bag from Mrs. Weasley. They both came running back down the hill.

"Oh, oh God. HARRY!!!" Mrs. Weasley ran over to them and sat Harry back up holding the bag to his face and telling him to breathe easy. "Harry dear please small breaths. Easy now easy." He was slowly calming down. His eyes were as big as saucers and he was grabbing at Mrs. Weasley's hands. Ron, Hermione, and Ginny were standing a few feet away watching. Ginny had her head buried in Ron's shoulder, sobbing. Hermione was watching in horror as her friend nearly choked to death. Ron's face was white he just looked at Harry.

"I... ahh... I can't – I can't...breathe!" Harry was pulling at the bag trying to suck in as much air. Tears were running down his cheeks. His lips were a blueish purple.

"Harry! Calm down take small breaths. Please small easy breaths. That's it That's it calm down. Shhh. It's all right. Shhhh. Just calm down." Mrs. Weasley talked to Harry for what felt like days. When he had finally started to breathe with out the bag she stopped. He was still taking small easy breaths and his lips were still blue but some of the color had returned to his cheeks. Mrs. Weasley conjured up a stretcher and with a very nasty look at the three others floated Harry back up the hill.

They followed Mrs. Weasley up the hill and into the house. She had set Harry in the living room. He was sitting on the couch breathing quietly. "K-I-T-C-H-E-N N-O-W!" she said each syllable slowly with her voice barely above a whisper. They walked into the kitchen and sat around the table. Ginny had stopped crying but her eyes were all red and puffy. "What on earth were you doing!?"

Ginny looked at her mother. "Mum, Harry had a really bad dream last night. He woke up crying and so scared. He was just so scared. He was telling us about it and I guess got over come by the fear it installed in him."

Mrs. Weasley slumped into a chair. Her face in her hands. She looked up at the three of them. "So what was it about?" they looked at her the fear in Harry's eyes in theirs as well.

"An attack on the school." said Ron quietly. Mrs. Weasley's shoulders slumped even more. Each dream of Harry's could either be just that a dream or it could be a glimpse of something that either was happening or was going to happen. Now the fear laid in the place that was suppose to be safe.

"Go– Go talk to him. Just remind him to take it easy it was just a dream." Mrs. Weasley began to busy herself with a meaningless chore.

They walked into the living room and sat down around Harry.

"You ok Harry?" said Ginny hugging him. He hugged her back.

"Yeah I'm OK." his voice was ragged. "Sorry guys. I just – I don't know what came over me." Today was shaping up to be the worse day ever. Harry pulled Ginny to him and hugged her again kissing her gentle on the lips. "I love you so much Ginny" he whispered.

"So do I, Harry you don't have to finish. Just please" Harry just her off with look and a half smile.

"No, I need to now. Er- were was I" he said looking around helplessly. They were all afraid to say pictures. Ron was the brave one after numerous pokes from Hermione.

"Pictures." he said quietly waiting for the best.

"Yeah, um they were asking me for help but, all I could think of was finding you. I had to find the three of you." Harry squeezed Ginny's hand and refused to look at either Ron or Hermione for the next part. "I found Hermione. She – er – was under a bookcase and I – I thought she was dead. I took it off her and held her praying I was wrong. She died in my arms." He stopped and took a deep breath. "Then I found– I found Ron." Harry looked up into Ron's eyes. He reached out his hand and pulled Ron into a tight hug. Sobbing Harry continued. "I found you dead mate, and I couldn't save you. I just walked right past you to find Ginny I – I" Ron stopped him, pulling away. He held Harry an arms length from him and Harry saw that Ron had tears in his eyes.

"Harry I'm not dead! I'm right here mate." Ron smiled at Harry and Harry just looked at him.

"But don't you see Ron! You could dieat any moment. Then what. You're my best **best** friend. With out you there is no reason to live. You're my _brother_." Harry was pleading with him to understand. But Ron just smiled.

"Harry you're the one that doesn't see. **YOU **could die at any moment too. And then were would **I **be!" Ron was looking at Harry and in the next second they were hugging each other so hardit looked like they were going to hurt each other.

When he let go Harry look at them and sort of smiled. "After that I think I kind of lost it – in the dream that is. I just didn't want to find Ginny because I knew." He looked pointedly at her "I just knew. But then" Harry's face lit up.

"--There you were up on a desk surrounded by Death Eaters. But you were _**ALIVE**_! You were alive Ginny and I had hope. I had a reason to fight, to live. For you!" Harry held her hands looking into her eyes. "YOU Ginny you were my reason to live." Harry's face changed to an extreme sadness as quickly as it had become happy. He looked at his hands holding hers just like the dream. "But then you were gone. They took you away too." Harry's voice broke he looked into her eyes. Then into Ron and Hermione's. "I CAN"T lose you. I can't do it." he said looking at each of them frantically. His breath was catching again. He took a deep breath and wiped away the tears. "You three are my family and I couldn't bare to know I had – that I was the reason for you all — being – er — if you were to die I couldn't live." Harry took his hands away from Ginny he needed separation. They needed to get away from him NOW! Harry stood up to walk away.

"Harry Potter SIT!" Ginny looked mad. Harry on instinct turned and sat down. "I already told you" she said grabbing his hands. "I am not going to let you walk away from us. I won't allow it." she smiled at him and giving a quick look to the other two she stood up and said. "Now that that is settled how about some late lunch. It's almost 4 o'clock Harry and I know you're hungry, then maybe we can have a nice game of Quidditch." They all stood up. Harry couldn't believe they were just going to brush this off like this. He had to make them understand.

"DON'T YOU GET IT!! I CAN'T PROTECT YOU! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE JUST GOING TO IGNORE THIS AND PRETEND EVERYTHING IS ALL RIGHT!" Harry stood their staring at them. They all looked like they were about to laugh. "WHAT'S SO DAMN FUNNY. WHAT IS IT THE FACT THAT I WORRY ABOUT YOU OR THAT I DON'T WANT TO KILL ANYONE ELSE AS FOR THE FACT THAT I'VE ALREADY KILLED ATLEAST 4 PEOPLE. OR WHAT IS IT THAT ITS JUST SO FUNNY WHEN THE BOY WHO LIVED GETS PISSED AND FLIPS OUT! WHAT TELL ME WHAT IS IT!!!" Ginny and Ron started laughing first then with a glance at Harry Hermione started too.

"It's not that mate it's just that. Well we didn't know how to act when you were crying Harry but now. Well angry Harry we're use too. Come on mate, let's eat. Ginny was right doesn't matter what you say or do or how much you scream at us. You're stuck. You can't get rid of even if you wanted too." Ron walked into the kitchen with Harry just gawking at him. Hermione smiled and nodded then joined Ron. Ginny however walked over kissed him lightly and grabbed his hand pulling him into the kitchen for food.

"Harry dear, all done shouting I hope. I made Ron's favorite Corned Beef. Sit down and I'll make you a plate." Mrs. Weasley smiled but as Harry looked at her he felt the pain in her eyes.


	4. Tickling and Pillow Fights

**Harry Potter's Deepest Fears**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter **

**Chapter 4 –Tickling and Pillow Fights. **

**A/N: I have to put the biggest thanks in here to my beta reader– GringottsVault711 with out her this story would be crap...and I wouldn't have any reviews....so go read her story "Six Year" because it's much better than this. On to the story:**

Harry had tried, he really had. He had tried to be the good friend and good boyfriend and act "normal". He had really tried to push the dream out of his mind and look at it for what it really was – a dream. Everyone told him to just forget it. Even Dumbledore had told him to go on with his life as normally as he could.

"It does not do well to forget to live, in order to not die," he had said.

Harry thought about that statement every time he felt the dream coming back. Unfortunately, Harry had never been particularly good at doing what was advised of him.

When anyone was around he acted happy; he messed around with his friends, he helped Mrs. Weasley with the dishes and played chess with Ron. He and Ginny went for long walks, usually ending with the two of them watching the sunset.

But when he was alone he thought of the dream, and how he could better protect his friends. At night he fought sleep, for he never wanted to return to that Hogwarts, never wanted to see Hogwarts burning like that. Nighttime was the worst and Harry was getting used to not sleeping.

Two days before term, Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione were sitting around the kitchen table eating lunch when the post arrived. Harry jumped up and took the mail from the post owl and passed out the letters. There was one for Ginny from Luna, a couple for Hermione from her parents, and a Quidditch magazine for Ron. There were also four letters from Hogwarts.

"Our letters!" Hermione said, looking like Christmas had come early. "I was starting to worry about not getting them in time!"

They all ripped open their letters, reading quickly. Harry looked at his own small stack of parchment. There was the usual letter telling him term would start September 1, and such; then a list of books (Harry began a mental list in his head for the stuff he would need). The last letter contained his O.W.L. results.

_Dear Mr. H. J. Potter,  
I am please to send you the results of your O.W.L's:_

**Transfiguration:  
**Written: O

Practical: O

O.W.L.: Yes, with honors

**Defense Against the Dark Arts:  
**Written: O

Practical: O

O.W.L.: Yes, with high honors  
**Charms:**

Written: E

Practical: O

O.W.L.: Yes  
**Potions:**

Written: E

Practical: O

O.W.L.: Yes

**Divination:**

Written: D

Practical: D

O.W.L.: No

**Care of Magical Creatures:**

Written: O

Practical: O

O.W.L: Yes, with honors

**Herbology:**

Written: O

Practical: E

O.W.L.: Yes

**Astronomy:**

Written: E

Practical: A

O.W.L.: Yes

**History of Magic:**

Written: P

O.W.L.: No

_By totaling your O.W.L.'s Mr. Potter, you will see that you have managed 7 O.W.L.'s, two of which are honors and one high honor. You should be very pleased with yourself. You will be required to take courses in all that you obtained an O.W.L. in if you wish to continue with your chosen career of Auror. _

_Good Day Mr. Potter,_

_Professor M. McGonagall_

Harry looked up from his letter and saw that Hermione was positively beaming at him.

"How many, Harry?" she asked eagerly. "How many O.W.L.'s did you get?"

Her excitement was scary; she was bordering on insanity nowadays. Harry often worried about her.

"I got seven Hermione, including two honors and one high honor."

Hermione's face lit up and she started clapping excitedly; it looked to Harry as though she wanted to jump out of her seat and run around the room screaming.

"Harry that's great, congratulations!" Ginny squealed. "That really is a lot. I was hoping to get at least six this year."

Ginny smiled at him and folded up her Hogwarts letter reaching for the one from Luna.

"Ron, you next - how many did you get?" Hermione said, clutching hers so tightly her knuckles were turning white. Harry wasn't sure if this was from her doing well or from possibly not getting all O.W.L's.

"I got five; two high." Ron said in a small voice, looking as though he wanted to just die.

"OH YES!" Ginny said. "I can't believe it MUM!!! MUM!!!!! You have to see this! Yes, yes, yes!"

She jumped out of her chair and started shrieking about jumping up and down.

"Ginny, I didn't do that well," Ron said, his ears turning bright read as he slid down in his chair. "Would you just stop and shut UP!"

But Harry didn't think Ginny was cheering for Ron's 5 O.W.L.'s. She was holding the letter from Luna and 4 other small bits of parchment that looked like tickets of some kind. Mrs. Weasley came running into the kitchen, looking around for anything out wrong or out of place.

"Ginevra Weasley, would you stop shouting!" Mrs. Weasley said, taking up her usual stance with her hands firmly placed on her and hips, wearing one of the looks that she had normally given Mr. Weasley when he went on and on about Muggles. Ginny ran over to her mother and grabbed her hands off her hips, jumping up and down, making Mrs. Weasley's arms move involuntarily. Mrs. Weasley looked livid.

"Mum! Mum! You won't believe what Luna just sent…you won't believe it. Guess! Just try to guess! You never will…" Harry supposed that Ginny could tell her mother was near the end of a very short fuse, because she stopped jumping. "Look at these, Mum! Second row, center! Look, can you believe it. Train! Mum, Train tickets!"

Ginny had pulled out the bits of parchment Harry had noticed and waved them in her mother's face. Harry had no idea what 'Train' she was talking about, but both Ron and Hermione's eyes had lit up when Ginny had told them. Even Mrs. Weasley with her hands placed firmly back on her hips looked excited.

"Wow! Ginny, honey, that's wonderful," Mrs. Weasley said, turning away and picking up the forgotten breakfast plates and carrying them to the sink. "How did she get them, her father, I suppose? You had better thank Mr. Lovegood when he takes you."

"But Mum, what do you mean 'when he takes me'?" Ginny asked. "Mr. Lovegood isn't going… Luna's taking Neville and the other four tickets were for all of us."

She gestured to the other three sitting at the table.

"Well then, I am afraid you are not going, Ginny. None of you are. I will not have my fifteen and sixteen year old children running around some concert by themselves when we are at war."

Mrs. Weasley said this as though no discussion would be needed. Harry was vaguely reminded of Umbridge. The thought quickly died away as Ginny started speaking again.

"BUT MUM!!! It's 'TRAIN'" Ginny sounded like she was talking to a retarded person. Mrs. Weasley whipped around so fast that Harry thought she was on wheels.

"Ginevra Weasley… DON'T YOU DARE TAKE THAT TONE OF VOICE WITH ME, YOUNG LADY!!! I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT. IT WOULD DO YOU GOOD TO TAKE NOTICE THAT YOU ARE NOT THE PARENT HERE AND THAT I AM JUST DOING THIS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!"

She stopped herself, and giving Ginny one last look, she turned back to her dishes. Harry felt rather out of place. He never felt right when he witnessed one of Mrs. Weasley's lectures. Ron and Hermione were looking at Ginny clearly trying to signal to her to just give it up, but by the look on her face Harry knew that was the last thing she would do.

"But Mum." Ginny said in a very small voice. Harry could tell she was treading very lightly. Mrs. Weasley took in a deep breath of air and spoke very slowly and quietly

"IF – YOU – SAY – 'BUT MUM' – ONE – MORE – TIME. SO HELP ME GINEVRA, YOU WILL BE GROUNDED UNTIL YOU'RE FIFTY!" She took another breath and turned around looking at Ginny with hurt eyes. "I would think after losing your father. You would be smarter. What is it going to take for you to start taking precautions? Honestly GINEVRA, sometimes I just don't understand you…"

Everyone had gone deathly quiet when Mr. Weasley was mentioned. Ginny took one look at her mother, then burst into tears and ran up the stairs, slamming her door so hard it shook the house. Harry, Ron and Hermione sat there stunned. They all looked at each other in complete denial. No one had heard Mrs. Weasley mention Mr. Weasley, let alone talk in that manner to one of her own children about him. Harry stood up and excused himself, hearing Ron talking to his mother about letting them go as he started up the stairs.

He rapped on Ginny's door lightly.

"Gin – hey let me in, love... It's ok... Come on... Gin... let me in..."

Harry waited a couple of minutes before making to knock again, but just as he was about to, Ginny opened the door.

"Love?" she asked.

"Yeah, well you know... hey it got you to open up!" Harry smiled, rubbing his neck.

Sometimes he just wished he could get one good night's sleep.

Ginny led him into the room. Harry sat on the bed leaning up against the head board. Ginny came up and snuggled into him leaning back on his chest. Harry ran a hand up and down her bare arm. He noticed that she had pulled her hair up with what appeared to be her wand. "You're beginning to act like Luna. I think you spend too much time with her."

He tugged on it and her bright red hair fell down around her shoulders in droves. Harry mused to himself as he twirled her wand in his hand that, unlike his, her hair never seemed messy or out of place.

"Hey!" she said, turning to him and grabbing the wand out of his hand and sticking out her tongue. "What was that for? You messed up my hair."

"Yeah, so? What are you going do about it?"

Harry than reached over with both hands and messed her hair making it fall in her eyes and stick up and weird angles. He laughed out loud at the sight of her sitting there hair all over the place and a look that could kill plastered on her face. Ginny seemed to think that this was not a laughing matter and pounced on him tickling his stomach with unending torture. Harry laughed until he cried. Prying at her hands, he finally got a hold of both of them and flipping her over, he straddled her, and held her hands above her head. Using one hand, he then tickled her until she was laughing and crying so hard she couldn't breathe.

Still laughing himself from the disheveled state of both their heads of hair, he rolled off her and laid his head on her pillow, one hand thrown back behind his head the other coming around to rest on Ginny's shoulder. She curled up under his arm laying her head on his chest. He tried to smooth back her hair but it barely helped. Rubbing her shoulder, he hoped he had made her feel better.

"You ok love?" he asked. "Feeling better?"

"Back to 'love'?"

"You like it, and if you don't' I'll just tickle you again!"

Ginny laughed, holding up her hands in surrender.

"I'm all right Harry. Thanks...love."

"Hey now that's MY pet name. You have to find your own."

Ginny appeared to be thinking a moment then threw her shoulders up in defeat. She sat up on her elbows and smiled at him.

"That's ok Harry.. you'll always be 'The Boy Who Lived' to me!" she stuck her tongue out at him again, laughing madly. Without warning he pulled the pillow out from under his head and hit her in the face with it. In retaliation she grabbed the other pillow and beat him with it.

When the fight was over Ginny's room was covered with feathers and Harry and Ginny had fallen asleep - right in the middle of the room, both of them covered from head to toe in feathers. They were wrapped up in each others arms and at least for that moment everything in the world was perfect. For that moment Harry didn't dream of Sirius dying or of his friends dying. For that moment sleeping on Ginny's floor with his beautiful girl beside him, Harry slept peacefully, dreaming of tickling and pillow fights.


	5. The Best Night of my Life

**Harry Potter's Deepest Fears**

**Chapter 5 – Best Night of My Life...**

**Disclaimer: I didn't own it last chapter. I don't own it now. Also I don't own the lyrics of "Drops of Jupiter" by Train**

Harry was woken the next morning by Ron. He felt refreshed and happy. It was the best sleep he had ever had. He looked down at Ginny who was still covered with feathers but sleeping soundly with a happy, peaceful look on her face. Harry had nearly forgotten Ron, who was standing in the door way.

"Do you love her, Harry?" he asked softly, protectively.

"Yeah, man just look at her..." Harry replied distractedly; he couldn't take his eyes off of her, nor could he wipe the sappy smile that was plastered on his face.

"Harry mate, wake her up. I convinced Mum to let us go but we need to go to Diagon Alley today before the concert." Ron shut the door before Harry could ask how Ron had convinced Mrs. Weasley. He also thought vaguely to himself that he had better ask what 'Train' was before tonight.

"Ginny...wake up!" he shook her shoulder gently. "Come on love... wake up."

She opened one eye and looked at him blinking. Sitting up she yawned and stretched out her back.

"Whhaccttemmeisntit?"

Harry laughed out loud.

"Come again?"

"What time is it?"

"Early morning. We have to go to Diagon Alley today." Harry paused, loving the idea of making her jump up and into his arms with the next bit of news. "Then you and Hermione have to come get ready for 'Train'....what is that by the way?"

"Ohh, OK, um it's a band - they play wonde–." she yawned again and then her eyes got as big as dinner plates. "Wait a minute... did you just say get ready for the concert? You mean... we get to go?"

Ginny jumped up knocking most of the feathers to the floor and wrapped her arms around Harry hugging him tightly.

He picked her up and spun her around. Giggling like a little school girl she kissed him. Soft and sweet and long. Neither of them heard the knock on the door. Nor did they hear Ron's voice. So when he opened the door they were surprised to hear him scream.

"Damn it Harry, you know you may be my brother and all. But man she's my sis. Lay off the snogging while I'm home won't you." Ron shook his head looking disgusted.

"You could knock Ron!" Ginny slid out of Harry's arms and picked up her robe wrapping it around her body. She was only wearing a pair of shorts and a tank and given the situation, didn't think it enough to be wearing in front of her brother and her boyfriend.

"I did knock. And I yelled. But you didn't answer," Ron said, raising his hands in protest.

"Maybe there was a reason I didn't answer, Ronald!" Ginny said, with her hands on her hips, looking very much like Mrs. Weasley.

Harry stepped in between them. He didn't want this to get out of hand. Giving Ginny a quick kiss, he walked over to Ron.

"Just get dressed Gin. I'll see you down stairs in a minute."

"What happened to 'love'?" Ginny called after them smiling.

"'What happened to love'?'' Ron said mockingly when they had gotten to his room "'Love'? ...What are you Colin Farrell? You two are sickening, you know that?"

"Ron, you better take a step back and look at you and Hermione before you call us sickening."

Harry was sitting at Ron's desk, having recently changed into jeans and a T-shirt proudly displaying the Chudley Canons. It was bright orange. He also thought for a moment that it might be Ron's but knew no one would mind. He was writing a list of all the things he needed from Diagon Alley.

"And isn't that my shirt? Just because we're brothers....that doesn't mean we share clothes. That's like a girl thing!"

"Ron, what is with you today." Harry shook his head and walked to the door. Glancing in the mirror on his way out. "Don't worry Ron, it looks better on me."

Ron chose that moment to throw a pillow at Harry and Harry, deciding he had had enough pillows last night, ran down the stairs to Ginny's room. He knocked on the door and while he was waiting for her to come out. He heard Ron talking to Hermione upstairs. Harry knew he shouldn't listen but he couldn't help himself.

"Is he OK Ron? I haven't seen him since yesterday. He was hiding with Ginny all day. Are they alright?" Hermione sounded worried, but that was normal for her.

Harry smiled to himself. He was surprised with how happy he felt today. Just yesterday he had been feeling miserable. He couldn't get his thoughts off his dream or of Sirius out of his head and now he was laughing and joking and smiling to himself.

For the brief moments he had to himself he thought that maybe this was disrespectful to the dead. He felt bad being so happy when it was such a short time from when they had lost Sirius and an even shorter time since Mr. Weasley's death. Should Harry really be allowed to be this happy when he had caused such pain in the past 3 months?

"He's doing alright, Hermione," he heard Ron say. "Thinks I'm nuts though. I was messing with him about Ginny and he just joked with me. It's weird. He's not normally like this. I expected him to be depressed and moody and besides a few out burst here and there he's seemed fine."

Ron stopped and Harry could hear them walking down the stairs. He wrapped loudly on Ginny's door. Ginny opened smiled and was about to speak but Harry pushed her in and in his hast knocked her over. Harry tumbled right over her. He sat up with a lump on his head and a very angry Ginny on the floor.

"Harold James Potter" she said standing up and placing her hands on her hips. Harry was again reminded of Mrs. Weasley. "Just what the hell were you doing. Bursting in here and knocking me on my bum?"

Even her attempted anger could not suppress the giggles that rose up from her.

"Come, Harry let's go. Hey, isn't that Ron's shirt? Brings out your eyes."

Harry smiled to himself and followed Ginny out of the room and down the stairs. Mrs. Weasley was standing by the fire place waiting for all of them to get there.

"Harry, isn't that... isn't that Ron's shirt?" asked Mrs. Weasley pointing to both the boys.

"Yes, Mrs. Weasley, EVERYONE – I – AM – WEARING – RON'S– SHIRT!" he was so sick of hearing about the damn shirt that he forgot who he was talking to.

"Just because I am not your birth mother, Harold James Potte, does not give you the right to speak to me like that. If you were my child you would be up stairs right now with no chance of going to the concert! Now, as for the fact that I am not your birth mother ,we will just have to settle with this. Now go–!" she said pointing to the fire place.

Harry instantly picked up some floo powder and mutter a quick sorry to Mrs. Weasley, as he stepped into the fireplace.

The rest of the trip to Diagon Alley went much more smoothly. Harry got everything he needed, Ginny had even insisted on buying him a 'Train' T-shirt for the concert that night. They had finally informed Harry that 'Train' was the best band ever according to Ginny; Ron and Hermione had pretty much agreed.

Hermione had made the comment to him that the songs they sung were 'a bit loony', she said with a funny smile. Harry was looking forward to tthat nightt. Because he lived with the Dursleys and didn't have access to the Wizarding Wireless he had never really listen to many "wizard" bands. He was eager to see them in concert.

When they had finally made it home, Hermione and Ginny were very upset to relize they only had an hour to get ready. Harry and Ron on the other hand were delighted, in one hour they would be headed to one of the best concerts. Ron and Harry went up stairs.

Harry had decided to wear one of his school shirts over the t-shirt Ginny had bought him. He put it on but left it unbuttoned so that the shirt underneath was still visible. He wore a pair of his baggy jeans and put on his favorite belt. He didn't even try to do anything with his hair and just put on his runners. Harry looked at himself in Ron's mirror.

"Won't get much better son, no use trying," said the mirror tiredly.

"Do all mirrors insult you in the wizarding world or is it just me, Ron," Harry asked, fixing his belt. He turned around to see that Ron had finished getting dressed. He was wearing jeans and a 'Train' t-shirt too. He had on black jacket and sneakers.

"Ready?" Harry smiled.

"You bet, Harry wait till you see them - they're just the best band ever!" Ron told him, seeming even more excited than Harry.

They walked down the stairs to wait for Hermione and Ginny. At eight o'clock Luna and Neville showed up with Mr. Lovegood, who would be driving them to the show. Harry couldn't help it when he saw Luna; he snorted but quickly turned it into a cough to cover it up. He just hoped Ginny didn't look anything like Luna. She was wearing a pair of black leg warmer's that she had pulled up all the way. She had a bright orange mini skirt on with a neon pink tank top. Over it she had a dark blue fishnet long sleeve shirt. She had on so many bracelets that they were nearly up to her elbows and she had to had on a hundred Mardi Gras beads. Her hair was wild and messy tied up with the wand and bits of it were colored pink, purple, red, blue, orange, and even green. Harry's heart sank at the sight of this. He hoped Ginny had listened to him about Luna rubbing off on her. She was nice and sweet, but she looked crazy.

'But at least she'll have fun,' Harry thought.

She smiled at them but told them that they were going to look out of place 'just like Neville'. They responded that they didn't mind and said they liked her necklaces. She then decided to give each of them about 10 of them so that they wouldn't look so out of place. Harry notice that Neville was dressed in nearly the same outfit he wore for school.

"Hey, Neville. How are you? Summer alright?"

"Yeah Harry , it was great. Gram took me to Ireland this summer. It was nice."

But Harry had only half heard what Neville had said. Ginny and Hermione had walked down the stairs. Hermione was wearing a tight pair of jeans and a tight low cut t-shirt that said 'Train' across the front of it. It looked like she had pulled her hair straight just like at the Yule Ball. She had left it down this time and her long locks fell down her back. Ron was looking at her as though seeing her for the first time.

"Hermione... you look great!" Ron went over and put his arm around her waist. Hermione looked at Neville and Luna. Harry could tell she was trying not to laugh.

"Hi Neville! – Er Luna, you look...great!" she lied through a false smile. Luna simply walked over to Hermione and put a couple beads around Hermione's neck humming 'Weasley is Our King' as she walked over to Ginny putting some on her too.

"Hey Ginny, you look nice." she started humming again.

"Yeah, so do you Luna thanks for the beads. Look Harry they match."

Harry looked Ginny over and smiled she had on tight jeans that hugged her small hips. She was also wearing a white tank top but over top she had a light green sweater that fell off her shoulders. Her beads were the same color. Harry noticed she was wearing emerald earrings and a matching necklace. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail that fell down her back.

"You look beautiful, Gin." Harry walked over and gave her a small kiss on the cheek.

"Well come on now kids, who don't want to be late. I'll make sure they get home okay Molly, don't worry too much. Nothing bad's going to happen. If they were going off looking for Hornrow Shnackleboxes - then we would worry." Mr. Lovegood said, smiling at them, motioning toward the door.

Every one shot an odd glance at Mr. Lovegood but didn't ask any questions as he led the way out to the car. Mrs. Weasley stood at the door way looking over to the car full of the six from last year. Harry had a slight feeling of dejá vieu. Mrs. Weasley ran out to the car.

"Everyone out now, please. Come here all of you." She grabbed them one by one and gave each a bone crunching hug. "Be careful. Very careful."

She looked at each seriously.

"Stay together. I – I love you" she stammered, then she ushered them back into the car and walked back to the door. As the car drove down the drive Harry looked back and got one last look at Mrs. Weasley before the house disappeared.

It was craziness once they reached the concert. Mr. Lovegood told them all to be careful and stick together and that he would pick them up in the same place at two o'clock. They all waved good bye and went to find their seats.

There were so many people. Music was blasting as though from invisible speakers, and people were dancing all over the place. Harry, Ron and Neville went to get a couple of bottles of water and the girls went to find the seats.

Twenty minutes later they were all seated waiting for the show to start. Most people had calmed down and found their seats but as Harry looked back over his shoulder he could see the lawn was full of people still dancing. Ginny took his hand and smiled. She was talking to Luna. They both looked excited for the show to start. When the lights went out the cheers were deafening. Harry cheered along with everyone. For once just feeling like a normal teenager.

The band came out and immediately started playing the opening chords to their first song. It was one the whole crowd knew. Ginny stepped in front of Harry and he put his arms around her waist. The band began to sing:

_"Now that she's back in the atmosphere  
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey  
She acts like summer and walks like rain  
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey  
Since the return from her stay on the moon  
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey..."_

Ginny sang along swaying in beat with the music. The lyrics made Harry glance at Luna who was singing along just the same her whole body moving in tune with the beat.

_"Tell me did you sail across the sun  
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded  
And that heaven is overrated  
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star  
One without a permanent scar  
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there"_

Ginny looked back over her shoulder with the last line, smiling at Harry and holding his arms.

_"Now that she's back from her soul vacation  
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey  
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo  
Reminds me that there's time to grow, hey, hey"_

_"Now that she's back in the atmosphere  
I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' Jane Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land"_

Harry started cracking up. Ginny stopped dancing and singing to turn and glance at Harry. He smiled at her and tried to sing along.

_"Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet  
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day  
And head beck to the Milky Way  
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind  
Was it everything you wanted to find  
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there"_

Harry's five friends said the next few lines with the band all mof them laughing at the words.

_"Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken  
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you're wrong  
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone  
conversation  
The best soy latte that you ever had... and me"_

Harry thought the lyrics described Luna perfectly. He looked over and noticed that she seemed very into the band. He smiled to himself.

"_Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet  
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day  
And head back toward the Milky Way_"

Harry sang along with the last chorus. Ginny smiled up at him as he bent his head down to whisper the song in her ear.

_"Tell me did you sail across the sun  
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded  
And that heaven is overrated  
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star  
One without a permanent scar  
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there"_

Ginny turned and gave him a soft kiss.

"Having fun?" she shouted over the roar of the crowd.

"More than you know!" Harry turned her back to the stage as the bad started the next song.

Harry listened intently as the band played on. He danced with Ginny during the slow songs and held her as she sang the fast ones. Although he didn't know any of the songs he had the time of his life.

When the last song was over the six friends gathered their stuff and headed to the exit. Mr. Lovegood was waiting for them in his car. They piled in the station wagon and headed for home.

Harry looked over to see Hermione's head laying on Ron's shoulder. He was running a finger down the side of her face whispering softly to her.

Ginny was on his other side and had laid her head on his shoulder. He put his arm around her and rested his head on top of her.

"I'm so sleepy now." Ginny yawned

"Me too love, go to sleep. I'll wake you when we get there." Harry rubbed her shoulder and closed his own eyes.

Before drifting off to sleep he thought that tonight had been the best night of his life.

"Harry, wake up!" said Ron jostling Harry's arm.

Harry opened his eyes seeing nothing but darkness. At further inspection he saw that they were at the bottom of the drive way leading to the burrow.

"What– were are we?" Harry asked, trying to clear the sleepiness form his mind.

"The bottom of my hill. The car broke down we have to walk. Mr. Lovegood and Luna and Neville are just going to Floo home." Ron was climbing out of the car. He noticed that he was carrying Hermione as to not wake her. Harry picked Ginny up as well and started to walk up the hill.

As they were walking, Harry got a terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. He stopped dead in his tracks just before he cleared the hill. Everyone behind him stopped as well.

"What is it Harry, what's wrong?" asked Ron, who had stopped next to him. He looked worried.

"It's too quiet."

"What?" said Ron looking confused. Harry shifted Ginny in his arms

"It's too quiet," he repeated. "Listen... no noise at all. No birds or animals, no wind. Nothing."

Ron stopped as well, listening, hearing nothing just the same.

"Harry, it's three in the morning. Everything is asleep. Come on, I love her - but Hermione is getting heavy." Ron looked back to see that Mr. Lovegood, Luna and Neville were waiting for them to move on over the hill.

Harry took two steps while Ron beside him took a few more. The both stopped dead in their tracks. Harry's knees buckled and he fell to the ground. Ginny was still in his arms, but the sudden descent and her bum hitting the ground had awoken her. She first looked at Harry's face then seeing the horror looked around her and towards her house.

Her face was frozen with fear. Above the house taking up most of the sky was a skull with a serpent coming out of its mouth. The house and the surrounding area was cast in a deathly green glow.

The house although still in tack look to just be holding on. Harry was sure it would come crashing down at any minute. Harry was stilling hold Ginny, and pulling his eyes away from the green tint of the house looked at her.

Her face was ghostly white and her hands were clenching Harry's shirt. The tears in her eyes were about to fall.

"MUM!!!!" she screamed, and in the silence it sounded twice as huge.

Harry stole a glance at Ron who was also ghostly white staring at the house. Hermione had woken up her arms were wrapped around Ron's neck and she was crying into his shirt.

Harry remembered Mrs. Weasley's good bye hug and felt the best night of his life slipping away.


	6. There are Things Worth Dying For

**Harry Potter's Deepest Fears**

**Chapter 6 – **

**Disclaimer – I do not own anything...please don't sue me.**

Harry sat there on the cold ground staring at the Burrow. Ginny was still loosely in his arms. The thick quiet was penetrated only by Hermione and Ginny's sobs. Ron was in shock staring at the Dark Mark casting its deathly glow on the grounds around the house. Neville, Luna, and Mr. Lovegood stood behind the four of them.

"Er- Children, stay here. Don't any of you go near that house."

With the warning he disapparated.

"Maybe we should go back to the car?" asked Neville.

Luna nudged him on the arm and gave him a sad smile. She walked over to where Ginny and Harry were setting her hand on his shoulder. Harry looked up she had a sad understanding smile on her face. Harry saw Neville taking Hermione out of Ron's arms. Ron fell to the ground with out Hermione's weight to support him. Luna was trying to pull Ginny away from Harry to take her away from the horrid scene in front of them.

Ginny looked up at Luna and pulled her hand away from Luna's grasp. She stood up and Harry thought she was going to go with Luna.

"Ginny! No my Dad said to wait. Ginny!"

Harry looked first at Luna and following her gaze watched as Ginny ran down the hill toward her house. She was all most to the door.

Harry's mind was screaming, but his body would not work. Panic was sweeping over him what if the Death Eater were still there waiting for them to get home. Harry willed his legs to move.

He was running as fast as he could. His legs hurt and there was a stitch in his side. Harry heard more screams but couldn't make out the words. He looked back and saw Ron running right behind him with his wand out. Neville, and Luna were at the top of the hill with Hermione yelling for them to come back.

Harry pulled out his own wand and skidded to a halt as he reached the door. He struggled to regain his normal breathing.

Harry pulled open the door his wand at the ready.

The kitchen was empty and perfectly normal. Nothing was out of place. There were pots and pans drying by the sink. The magical dustpan and broom were quiet in their corner. Everything was how it should be. Except that the kitchen gave the feeling of death. It was too calm… too perfect… to peaceful. Harry heard a noise behind him and whipped around.

His wand was pointed directly at Ron's heart.

Harry put a finger to his lips telling Ron to keep quiet. They both heard the sound of a door closing and rushed for the stairs.

All was quiet as they reached the first two doors. Bill and Charlie's old rooms. Harry took the door on the left and Ron the one on the right. With a quick glance back to each other they opened the doors.

Both rooms were deserted. They had the same eerie deathly clam feeling as the kitchen.

The continued upward and stopping briefly at the next two doors (Percy and the twin's rooms) kicked those in as well. Again Harry got the same feeling, with each new room he became more agitated. Harry was holding on to hope. Maybe he thought she made it out. Maybe Ginny was with her Mum right now in her room. Harry had to hold on to any hope. It was all he had left.

As they walked on higher up Harry's heart hammered in his chest.

He reached Ginny's door and laid his head against the cold wood.

"Ginny" he whispered. Harry could almost hear her answer back.

Silently he pushed the door open to reveal a normal room. His head and heart sank.

From across the hall Harry heard the sound of someone falling. As quickly as he could he pushed back into the stairwell.

"RON!"

He nearly tripped over Ron who was kneeling on the floor crying. He looked around the almost unrealizable room. The bed was broken and leaning. The book case was turned over. Harry had a flashback to Hermione under the bookcase in his dream. Everything in here was in ruin. Ginny was laying across the bed her head buried in the pillows. But she was crying, her chest rose with big heavy sobs.

Harry nearly jumped up and down he felt warmth flooding over him. Ginny was _alive_.

Harry looked from Ginny to were Ron's gaze was and his heart fell once more. Laying face up with a slightly shocked expression was Mrs. Weasley, very much dead.

The seen before Harry was too much he felt he would surely throw up. Swallowing the bile in his throat Harry pulled Ron to his feet. He just had to get them all out of this room and away from the pain.

"Come on Ron, let's go back to the kitchen and wait for the rest."

Ron never moved and just continued to stare at the body.

"Ron please! Hermione is going to be worried. Please Ron!"

Harry had Ron leaning against the door jam and at the sound of Hermione's name Ron blinked. He looked at Harry and stood up.

"Hermione?"

With out another word he walked down stairs. Harry stood in the door way for a moment. His anger and pain from Sirius and Mr. Weasley's deaths was weighting down on him. Guilt was washing over him and he feared he might die from it at any moment. The pressure behind his eyes was making it hard to see.

Harry shook his head and walked to the bed picking her up. She wrapped her arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder. Harry looked back once more to Mrs. Weasley, the only mother he ever knew, and shut the door.

When Harry reached the kitchen he found Ron pacing, Hermione crying and Neville, Luna, and Mr. Lovegood looking ashen faced.

Harry sat Ginny in a chair, she slumped onto the table. Harry stood behind her shock setting in. Hermione stood up and waked over to them sitting down again next to Ginny. She rubbed her back and whispered to her. Luna came over and gave Harry a small pat on the back and sat down with Hermione trying to comfort Ginny.

The were all startled as Ron kicked the counter.

"Damn! Damn it!" he shouted.

As Ron continued to kick the counter the 6 other people in the room could only watch.

Ron swept the pots and pans off the counter shouting obscenities.

"WHY!?... WHY!?...." he shouted as he kicked and punched the counter.

Grabbing Mrs. Weasley's very old very special clock, that told not the time but the location of the family members, Ron threw it at the opposite wall. Harry ducked as it flew over him and shattered on the wall behind him.

Ron slumped to the floor and cried into his hands. Harry walked quietly over to him and sat on the floor pulling Ron in to a hug. How long they sat there Harry didn't know Ron kept asking over and over but Harry could not answer the question. Harry didn't care anymore he sat there on the floor with his best friend and cried until he could not cry anymore. Both boys let out their anguish, pain and sorrow. They had both lost a friend, both had lost a mother.

Ron lifted his face and looked at Harry.

"Why...why Mum...?" he pleaded tears running down his face.

Harry thought a moment tears running down his own face. As though Sirius were sitting next to him Harry heard his words form last year although it seemed like another lifetime ago.

_"There are things worth dying for."_

Harry stood up and started toward the door. He needed to be alone.

Hermione tried to grab his hand as he walked by her but with a nasty glance back at her he walked out the front door.

Harry walked until his feet wouldn't carry him anymore. He fell to his knees and threw up. He looked up to the stars two hours ago he had been having the time of his life. Harry knew feeling that happy had to come at a price.

"WHY?....WHY ME?....Why does everyone I get close to die? I tried! I tried to leave!" Harry slammed the ground crying as he repeated Ron's question.

Harry sat there in the wet grass crying for hours. He finally got to his feet and walked back toward the Burrow as dawn approached.

When the Burrow came into view Harry noticed the Dark Mark was gone. The house looked normal. As he walked into the kitchen Harry was greeted by all six Weasley children (minus Percy). They were all gathered around the kitchen table. They quickly looked up when Harry entered looking away just as quickly. The guilt in side Harry bubbled... they didn't want him here. They blamed him. Harry looked up and saw that Order members were waking in and out of the kitchen whispering to each other. Some of them waved at Harry looking sad.

Harry walked over to Ginny.

"How you holding up, love?" he whispered one hand on her back.

She didn't respond or even move and her skin was icy cold.

"Ginny!" he said more forcefully waving a hand in her face.

She continued to stare into nothing. Harry searched the faces of the other Weasley children but none were looking at him.

"What's – what's wrong with her?" he asked his voice hoarse and catching in his throat.

"Shock."

Harry turned around and came face to face with Lupin.

"Professor!– er- I mean Remus!"

"Hello Harry, how are you doing?"

Harry shook his head and turned back to Ginny. He kneeled down next to her and took her hands rubbing them to warm her.

"She was delusional and unresponsive when we arrived. We gave her a very strong calming drought. It acts as a sedative. She's fine she can hear you but she's having trouble focusing. She'll be back to normal once the shock wears off." Lupin sounded very upset.

Harry looked around the table again at the Weasley children. They all looked lost. Harry again felt the guilt bubbling inside him. He felt like retching again. The pressure behind his eyes threatened to spill over. He clamped them shut and took deep calming breaths. Harry felt a hand on his back.

"It wasn't your fault Harry....there was nothing that could have been done." Remus whispered.

Slowly Order members began to file out. Each of them offering their condolences to the Weasley children and Hermione and Harry. Harry could not stand it. He didn't deserve their sorrow.

By the time the Hogwart's Express was leaving platform 9 and 3/4 they only people left at the Burrow were Harry, Hermione, the Weasleys and Dumbledore.

"I must first start off by telling you all how sorry I am for your loss."

Dumbledore's eyes were red and Harry thought for a moment that he might have been crying.

"Molly was a wonderful woman. I know that this is difficult. Losing anyone you love is hard but losing a parent is tragic. Furthermore, I have taken care of all the arrangements. The funeral will be tomorrow and I am permitting you four a temporary leave from school. You will not be required to attend classes until the 4th of September."

Dumbledore looked at them all sadly.

"Bill, Charlie, I know you are both busy with work and I don't want you to worry about Ron and Ginny. Your parents made me their legal guardian until they are seventeen. Fred, George, your store is protected?"

The twins nodded at Dumbledore's question. Harry thought it was an odd question surely he didn't think that there would more attacks on the other Weasley's Harry couldn't bare to think of the others being lead to the same fate as Mr. And Mrs. Weasley. Dumbledore was looking around the table.

"Would you four excuse us?"

It was not a question but a command. The four oldest Weasleys got up and, saying a few goodbyes, disapparated.

Dumbledore surveyed the table. Harry looked around as well; each person was grieving in their own way. Ron had his head in his hands. Hermione sat next to him, tears were dried on her face, her makeup was smeared and her beautiful hair was beginning to frizz.

Harry looked to Ginny and just as an hour ago she sat there no emotion, no tears, staring through the opposite wall. She look far away. Her own hair and makeup just as messy as Hermione's but yet the tears were missing. She just sat there.

"You four will need to stay at Headquarters until your return to school.' Dumbledore looked down when he said this.

Harry was staring at him. Did he really think that Harry would just pack up and go back to that place like a good boy? Harry felt all his anger being transferred into Dumbledore. All his frustration at everyone, his anger over all the deaths was going into anger at Dumbledore.

"I AM NOT GOING TO GO BACK THERE AND PRETEND EVERYTHING IS OKAY! I CAN'T! PROFESSOR PLEASE I CAN NOT GO BACK THERE!"

Harry looked into Dumbledore's eyes still anger but hurt as well. Ron looked up at Harry and gave a small shrug. Hermione was shrinking in her chair away form Harry's anger.

"I am very sorry Harry but I am afraid that if you wish to go to the funeral you will have to stay at the Order. Now if you will all go pack we can be on our way."

Dumbledore stood up. Harry was still standing there his hands balled into fists. This was unbelievable. He knew he had to go to the funeral if not for himself than for Ron and Ginny.

"Wait – Professor Dumbledore we already packed last night before the concert."

Hermione had stood up, startling Harry, who hadn't heard her speak in hours. Dumbledore smiled at her and nodded. He picked up one of the pots laying on the floor from Ron's rampage.

"Portus. Come now all of you grab hold."

With that they all grabbed hold of the pot and Harry grabbed Ginny. Moments later he felt the all too familiar pull around his naval and he was flying away.

**

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A/N: Sorry it took so ling to update. I have been so busy… next is the funeral…but first REVIEW! Yeah!**


	7. Listen to the Sound of my Voice

**Harry Potter's Deepest Fears  
**

**Chapter 7- Listen to the Sound of my Voice.**

**Disclaimer- I do not own anything so drop it.**

Harry suddenly stopped his feet crashing into the hard, dusty floor that was the kitchen at Headquarters. Ginny slammed into his back knocking him to his knees. He simply didn't have the energy to hold himself upright. Harry was feeling drained, emotionally spent, and there was forbidding sensation in his stomach telling him he should not be in this house.

Remus was sitting at the table when they arrived. He rushed over and helped the four of them untangle from the pile they had fallen into. He gave them a sad smile, his eyes lingering on Harry longer than on the others.

"Maybe a quick kip, you all look dreadful," he said ushering them up the stairs into the foyer. "Quiet - we still haven't removed Mrs. Black."

Fury was building in Harry stomach. Flashes of Sirius when he first arrived blinding him as he walked with his friends toward the staircase. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Remus holding him back.

"A word, Harry." He asked as the others continued upstairs to the rooms they had occupied last year.

Harry didn't want to talk. He was full of bubbling anger and guilt and he was afraid what he might say to Remus.

"Harry, I know you're blaming yourself and that you're very angry."

"You know Remus, you're wrong I'm not angry at all. And blaming myself? Why would I feel guilty?" Harry responded sarcastically. He was glaring at Remus. "Just leave me alone," he whispered as he made to walk up stairs. Remus held him back.

"Fine, Harry, we won't talk about that. But I do need to talk to you. Would you like some tea?" Remus said sounding very old and tired.

Harry simply shook his head and made a gesture for Remus to continue.

"Harry I don't know if Dumbledore told you but Sirius left you everything, including the house."

Harry's head shot up and he felt dizzy from his quick movement and lack of sleep. His eyes were wide. He didn't want the house. Not only was it a place that Harry hated but it was full of memories of Sirius, someone he wanted to forget completely. Harry started shaking his head slowly.

"Yes Harry it's yours. But you can't do anything with it with it until your 25. Until then it will be in holding. At that time you can move in, or sell it, or whatever. Until then it belongs to the Order. Now I know you don't want to be here and you must not want the house but it's yours. Also I have cleaned out most of the house, as you can see it's not as dreary."

Harry looked around and saw that Remus was right the house was very bright, possibly even cheerful.

"The only things left are Mrs. Black's horrible portrait, the family tree and – Sirius's bedroom."

The last bit seemed to cause him a lot pain. Harry looked up and for the first time understood what it must be like for Remus. He was now the last of his true friends. He was truly alone. Harry's heart went out to him.

"I have left that room alone and I will do so until you're ready."

Harry looked at him confused, wondering why he would wait for Harry to be ready. Remus answered the unspoken question.

"It was stated in Sirius's will that you and I are to clean out his room." Remus looked into Harry's eyes and Harry saw the sorrow there. Without question Harry took the three steps between him and the last Marauder and embraced him.

Harry cried great bellowing sobs into Remus strong embrace. It was a fatherly embrace. Harry had only ever seen Remus as his Defense Against the Dark Arts professor but was now seeing him as the uncle he was supposed to be.

When Harry pulled away the front of Remus' robes were wet with tears and Harry's own shoulder was damp. The both gave great sniffs at nearly the same time, these turned into snorts of laughter. They sobered and Remus continued.

"We don't have to do that now Harry but sometime soon - for closure. We have other matters to discuss now."

Harry groaned inwardly. He didn't want to deal with anything. He wanted for someone to make him sleep a dreamless sleep.

"Molly and Arthur knew when they entered this war what the risk was. She and Arthur set there affairs in order long before this happened. She requested that you be allowed to give eulogy if you felt up to it."

Harry felt many things upon hearing this. Happiness at the thought of Mrs. Weasley wanting him to be an important part of her funeral, fear of speaking in front of all those people, grief for everyone's loss.

"I don't think –I can't do it. I don't think I can do it, Remus," Harry's voice sounded distant and unfamiliar even to himself.

Remus nodded and patted Harry on the shoulder.  
"Think about it and you can decide later… talk to your friends about it. Ron will be asked to speak, too. Go now get some rest. Try not to think about it, Harry. You need some sleep," he pushed Harry gently toward the stairs. Harry walked up them silently.

The room that he had shared with Ron last summer looked much more inviting now that Remus had gotten his hands on it. The walls had been painted the windows cleaned and the lights fixed. The room shone with an unaccustomed brightness. The two beds in the room looked new and had thick comforters and fluffy pillows on them.

Ron and Hermione were curled up on one them, their clothes and shoes still on. The were lying on top of the comforter and looked peaceful. Harry smiled as he looked to this own bed. Ginny was curled up like a cat at the end of the bed, eyes wide open staring at the door to the spot Harry now occupied. She still looked devoid of all emotion. Harry wandered how long the potion would take to wear off and what state Ginny would be in once she awoke.

Harry walked over to the bed kicking off his shoes as he went. He sat down next to her and went to brush her hair out of her eyes.

All at once Ginny was standing up, fire in her eyes. She looked at Harry as though he was evil.

"Don't!" she said pushing his hand away from her. Her voice was shrill and coarse. She looked mad her eyes as big as saucers popping out of there sockets.

"Ginny—love." He said quietly completely confused. He made to touch her again and she screamed batting his hand away like you would a bug.

"DON'T! Stay away from me. STAY AWAY! It's you! It's YOUR fault!" she was crying looking about madly as though someone was going to jump out form a corner and hex her.

The guilt form earlier bubbled madly in Harry's stomach. She's right you know, said a mad little voice in his head. You killed them. All of them, your Mum and Dad. Cedric. Sirius. And now Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. Who's next Harry?Who is the next to die?

It was a mean evil voice of an evil Harry. The voice was enjoying this that death around the real Harry.

Tears stung the back of his eyes.

"I-I-Ginny-I'm sor-." He stammered but the words were caught in his throat as he looked into her eyes, her once beautiful blue sprinkling eyes, which were now stormy and mad looking.

Without warning Ginny launched herself at Harry and became hitting every inch of his body. Her little hands clenched into tight fists that beat Harry with unending fury. Harry fell to his knees and just let her beat him. She knocked his glasses off but he barely noticed. He was crying again but not from pain but from the knowledge that not only had they lost Mrs. Weasley, but he had lost Ginny as well.

Ginny's screams had roused Ron and Hermione but they just watched on as Ginny beat Harry. Hermione putting her hand over her mouth. Ron staring at the scene before him, wide eyed.

Ginny's fist were bloody, she had given Harry a bloody lip, and what felt like a black eye. Yet, Harry hadn't the heart to stop her.

"Tell ME! Why do you do it! It's your fault. Harry! Please –please protect m—me –us plea—please." She was sobbing so hard she couldn't work out the words. Her fists were pounding his chest softly all her energy spent. She had her head slumped on her shoulder and was sobbing. Great shaking sobs that racked her whole body making her shake.

Harry sat there stunned. He put his arms around her gently setting his own head in the crook of her shoulder his tears falling silently. Harry was very confused he had no idea what had just happened but he held her to him. He was afraid she might start beating him again.

Remus came running into the room and looked at the scene before him with confusion. Ron and Hermione were in the bed starting at Harry and Ginny who were curled on the floor hugging each other with such intensity Remus feared they might break each other. Harry had a black eye that was quickly swelling shut and his lip was bleeding the blood dripping down his chin and onto Ginny's bare shoulder.

"What on earth- Harry what happened to you?" He rushed over and tried to pull Ginny way from Harry but he wouldn't let him. Harry held on tighter shaking his head. Ginny was still shaking with the force of her tears and Harry was afraid if he let go he'd lose her forever.

"Someone tell me what happened here. Harry you're bleeding," Remus looked very upset, but Harry could not form words.

After what seemed like forever but in reality was a mere few minutes Ginny had calmed down enough that she wasn't shaking. Her breathing became even and Harry looked down to see her eyes falling into a heavy sleep. He picked her up and set her in his bed.

"We're fine Remus. I think the potion wore off."

"I think that is the understatement of the century," Remus said darkly.

"Can you mend these?" Harry asked him, feeling so tired he could barely keep his good eye open.

"Come here. _Occulus Mendeto_."

Instantly Harry could feel the pain leaving his eye. He bent and picked up his glasses. He wiped the blood off his chin with the back of his hand. Harry gave Remus a look of thaks and went over to the bed to curl into Ginny's side.

Harry was asleep with in seconds of his head touching the pillow.

Harry was again in the burning build that was once Hogwarts. It was different this time though. The walls and pictures burned as before but this time the dead talked to him instead of the living. The living people ignored him this time not saying anything to him, the dead rose up and screamed after him. _"WHY HARRY? WHY ME? WHY'D YOU KILL ME?"_

Harry ran quicker trying to escape their ghastly screams of help from the beyond. Harry ran into the archway that would take him to the library. Instead he was in the long dark corridor of the Department of Mysteries. Harry stopped running. He didn't want to be here. His feet seemed to have a mind of there own they continued to walk down the corridor but unlike the real one this one never ended.

Harry saw that instead of the locked door he knew was at the end that the veil was waiting for him from the end of the hall.

_Sirius_

He ran toward the Veil but the corridor grew with his each step. He could hear the whispered voices from beyond the Veil. He ran harder, trying to reach them.

Harry stopped dead in the hall. There was a person ahead of him. He couldn't tell who it was but he could see someone. Harry ran faster and his heart leapt as he got closer to the mystery person.

They had there back to Harry but Harry could now see there unruly black hair the man in front of him was slightly taller than him. Harry walked up right behind him. He put a hand on the shoulder of the man and turned him around.

The scream was so loud and piercing Harry often would wonder why it hadn't woken himself up. Staring back at Harry was a decaying, haunted, demon like version of his father. This was not the man Harry had dreamed of; this was a boogeyman sent to frighten Harry.

Harry pushed past him running as fast as he could. Yet the Demon Dad followed, quickly. All the while screaming; _"Didn't you love me, Harry? Why'd you kill me? I was your Father."_ Harry continued to run. He saw another figure up ahead but continued forward not wanting to look at the Demon Dad. Harry's heart leapt as he saw a flash of long red hair.

_Ginny!_

But it wasn't Ginny and his screams rang hollow in the long never ending tunnel. His mother's dead decomposing face loomed over him.

He ducked again and ran more as fast as his feet would take him.

_"Come to me Harry, Come here it's Mother, Harry, come to your Mum!"_

"_Harry we love you. Come to us Harry we can be a family."  
_

Harry had to keep running. He wondered vaguely why he wasn't waking up surely Demon Dad and Monster Mum granted you to wake up from a bad dream.

Harry felt this never ending nightmare take another turn for the worse as he saw another figure up ahead.

Harry didn't even scream this time. The fear was too great and he wouldn't wake by his own screams.

Cedric looked mad and loomed over Harry.

_"Had to get rid of me didn't you Harry? Couldn't stand the competition could you?"_

"_Come to Mum Harry."_

"_I am your Father. Now get over here!"_

He continued to run. If he could make it to the Veil maybe Sirius would save him.

His heart sank as he reached the next person.

Sirius loomed over him. Looking every bit the mass murderer. His hair was long and matted. His face pinched and white.

_"I should have killed you before you killed me, Harry."_

"_I was always better than you Harry."_

"_My baby boy."_

"_Here's Jamesy!"_

Harry ran his vision blurred by the tears running down his face. His heart hammering in his chest. His pants wet from fear.  
Two figures loomed in the distance.

_No please. Please let me wake up._

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had never looked so ominous. Harry thought he had never been so scared that when he saw his parents, but this was worse. He knew these people. Harry couldn't run anymore. He slumped to the floor the voices sournding him as the hovered over him closing in around him ready to kill him.

_"Harold James Potter! After all I've done for you! You kill me!"_

"_Harry tell me what the Muggles say about death! You'll be joining us soon!"_

"_Harry you were the worst Godson! Now you'll die!"_

"_Harry I beat you in Quidditch! Now I'll beat you in death!"_

"_Harry I died to save you. You horrible little beast! Now you can die!"_

"_Harry you weren't worth it! So now you're dead!"_

"_Harry!"_

"_Harry!"_

"Harry!"

They were shaking him now. There clammy deathly hands shaking him as they screamed his name.

Harry's eyes flew open. The sun was setting outside the now cleaned windows. Ron and Hermione were looking at Harry, very worried. Ginny was holding his hand.

Harry's whole body was covered in sweat. His heart was hammering in his chest. He was shaking and there were tears in eyes. His pants were wet and he felt bile rising in his throat. He leaned over the bed and vomited.

He hung his head over the bed refusing to close his eyes afraid he would see the deadly faces of Demon Dad and Monster Mum along with their Gaggle of Ghouls.

"Harry, are you okay?" asked Ron holding his shoulder. Harry just shook his head.

"I should go get Remus!" Hermione sounded unlike herself so unsure of how to handle the situation.

"NO!" Harry yelled his eyes bulging. He wished he could stop shaking.

Ginny had gotten out of the bed and came around front and grabbed his hand pulling him up. He tried to stand his legs feeling like jelly. He walked with her as she led him to the bathroom. His whole body ached. She sat him down on the edge of the tub. He sat there vaguely aware that he had peed his pants while in bed with his girlfriend.

Ginny seemed to be recovering quickly. She looked better now that the potion had worn off and she had some sleep. She quickly turned on the water and plugged the drain. The tub began to fill quickly. She took off his glasses and kissed his forehead, then pulled off his t-shirt from the night before. She bent down and pulled off his socks one by one. Harry just sat there and breatheddeaply reminding himself that it was just a dream.

When Ginny unbuttoned his pants Harry thought of how inappropriate this was. They were not at this stage in their relationship. Thoughts of sex with Ginny left quickly as he saw that Ron and Hermione were standing in the door way, looking fearful and worried. This was very clearly not sexual. She pulled off one leg than the other of his jeans and then did the same with his boxers.

She turned the water off and helped him ease into the hot soothing water. She made Harry lay all the way back.

"Now close your eyes."

Harry shook his the idea of being in the dark again terrifying him.

"It's ok Harry. I'm right here. Close your eyes and just relax. Just listen to the sound of my voice."

Harry closed his eyes gripping Ginny's hand for all he was worth. She continued to talk to him as he lay there in the hot water. Harry didn't know if Ron and Hermione had stayed. He didn't care that he was naked. Or that he had been scared enough to pee his pants. All that mattered was Ginny's secure hand and her strong voice. Harry just hoped he could be strong enough for her.

Ginny sat there with him holding his hand as he soaked in the tub. The heat of the water slowly dissipated and with it went Harry's fear. He was still scared of what had happened in the dream, but now he thought he might be able to stand up and think clearly.

When the water was cold as ice Ginny pulled the plug. The sound of the water and her moving about made Harry open his eyes.

"You ok?" she asked giving his hand a gentle squeeze. All he could do was nod. "Come on Harry."

She stood up and grabbed a towel wrapping it around his shivering body. She smoothed his hair and standing on tiptoe kissed his forehead. Harry stepped out of the tub with Ginny's help. They walked into the room and Harry saw Ron and Hermione on the bed asleep. Ginny led him over to their own bed. This gave Harry a moment to consider when it had become _their _bed. She waked away from him and was back with his pajamas. She helped him get dressed and brushed his hair. She lightly ran one finger over his scar then down his cheek and across his lips. The gesture so sensual Harry thought he might die form it. It made every nerve ending tingle with sensation.

They had a late dinner together. An unspoken arrangement that forbid all talk of today's events. No one spoke of the scene between Ginny and Harry before their kip and Harry was sure that Remus didn't even know of the dream and his hour long bath with Ginny. Ron and Hermione kept quite for most of the evening opting for spending the time cuddling together before the kitchen fire, talking in low whispers. Ginny sat with him and put on the brave face. Neither of them talking about what they had gone through today. There was no need for words, they had had a horrendous row which led to a stronger bond between them. Harry was still slightly disturbed by her word but her actions spoke louder pushing any thoughts Ginny might blame him to the back of his subconscious. Which was possible the worst place to put them.

When they all went to bed that night Harry got a sick feeling at the thought of sleep. He was petrified of returning to the corridor with Demon Dad and Monster Mum. Harry wasn't sure when he had adopted these childish names for the figures in his dream but they _felt_ right.

So when Harry mounted the staircase to his room after a quick goodnight to Remus, he did not feel well. Ron kissed Hermione goodnight and walked in to their room bidding Ginny a good night as well. Hermione said her goodnights and walked into her room.

Harry looked at Ginny wishing she could protect him from his nightmares.

"You going to be ok Harry?" she asked concern dripping from every feature. Her hand came up and brushed his hair away from his eyes.

"Do you know how much I love you?" he asked shocking not only her but himself as well. His eyes felt wet and tingly. He grasped her face in his hands and kissed her lovingly.

"I know." was all she said as she waked into her own room.

Harry couldn't help be notice she did not return the sentiment. He walked into his room and found Ron snoring peacefully. Harry did not sit on his bed but floor, positioning himself so that he would have a very hard time falling asleep.

When everyone woke the next morning Harry had already showered and was starting breakfast. He had not sleep at all. He wondered how long he could keep this up not sleeping. The funeral was uneventful has things of that nature should be. Harry had declined the request to speak but both Ron and Ginny had delivered moving eulogies that had everyone crying more than they had been.

The only thing worth remarking on was the brief appearance by Percy. He came to the service walk up to the casket laid upon it a single long stem yellow rose and walked out without so much as a glance at anyone.

The days after the funeral were boring. Everyone just wanted to go to school and try to move on. Harry was becoming more agitated for lack of sleep and Ginny had yet to return his declaration of love which he reissued every night when they parted. He had stayed awake every night until the night before they were to return to Hogwarts.

Harry had been sitting in his most uncomfortable position and had fallen into a sleep deprived slumber. The dream had been exactly like the first and he had be woken up by Ron's voice, his whole body covered in a cold sweat, his pants wet and the wastebasket near him full of his supper. Ron had awaken Ginny and she had taken him to the bathroom and made him soak yet again all the while whispering in her reassuring voice that everything would be ok and it was just a dream.

The next morning they had packed and then in mid-afternoon taken a ride on the knight bus and made it to Hogwarts just in time for dinner.

Harry had never been so glad to see Hogwarts, but yet in the back of his mind every time he turned a corner he saw flames licking the walls and the pictures screaming for help.

**A/N: Ok , so now we _finally _get to Hogwarts. I hope it was worth the wait. What on earth could be in store for are fearless threesome this year? Will Ginny ever return Harry's love? What is with Demon Dad, Monster Mum, and their Gaggle of Ghouls? Who is going to teach DADA this year? STAY TUNED AND FIND OUT!**

**Please review as well go on it's not hard. Just push that little button marked "_go_"...go on do it!....**


	8. What Will Happen

**Harry Potter's Deepest Fears**

**Chapter 8 - What will happen.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Harry Potter realm. I do however own Shanka Nosizwe, and Devon Aingeal. **

Dinner was a normal affair. No one at the Gryffindor table said anything about the Weasley's loss over the summer. No one questioned why they were allowed to start school four days late. It was just accepted. Harry, Ginny, Hermione and Ron were sitting at one end of the table slightly removed form the rest of their friends. They huddled together talking in low voices.

"It's good to back isn't it?" said Hermione after taking a sip of her pumpkin juice. They all just shook their heads. It was good to be back.

"Wonmmder mmwhmmo wmml bmme captmmain thmis year?" asked Ron through a mouthful of potatoes.

"Care to try again?" said Hermione hitting him on the arm.

"Ow! Hey I won't stand for that kinda abuse!"

"You're sitting Ronald. Now what did you say?"

"I said: Wonder who will be captain this year?" Ron said each word slowly dragging them out to have several extra syllables. Hermione gave him an exasperated look.

"Don't know, maybe Katie? She's the oldest you know. I hope your allowed to be seeker this year Harry. I mean Umbridge is gone can't see why you would still be banned," Ginny said smiling at Harry.

Harry smiled back and held her hand in his tightly.

"Yeah, I think Katie would be a good captain. The only thing that I don't like about being back on the team is that means you might not be on it."

Ginny laughed the first true laugh Harry had heard in days.

"Don't you fret I'm going to try out for Chaser. I'm better with the Quaffle any way."

"That's only cause you've been sneaking around in our broom shed when we weren't looking!" said Ron pointedly at Ginny.

"Oh, yes Ronald and who is this 'WE' your speaking of. If you haven't forgotten already you and I are the only Weasleys left at school this year! So in response to that all I can say is that, yeah, I have been using our broom shed to practice."

And with that she threw a well aimed piece of bread at Ron's head. Unfortunately for Ginny, Ron ducked just in the nick of time and the bread hit Professor McGonagall in the middle of the head. Harry didn't think she had ever looked so livid. Hermione looked torn between laughter and fright; he himself was suppressing the laughter in his throat.

"Well I never! Ginny Weasley ten points from Gryffindor for trying to start a food fight." All laughter that they were trying to suppress died in their throats. "Now, here are your schedules." She said handing them all a piece of parchment. "Also Mr. Potter, Professor Dumbledore would like to see you in his office when you are finished."

She walked away looking around the hall for any other possible food fight starters.

"I wonder why Dumbledore wants to see me?" said Harry after she was out of earshot.

They all shrugged and started eating again.

"Look!" said Hermione so forcefully Ron spit out a mouthful of food.

"God, Hermione - don't do that!"

"Oh shut it Ronald. Look at the head table!" she said pointing to the two new teachers that had just sat down at the empty table.

One of them was a strikingly tall, at least 6'4, dark skinned woman with a shaved head. She had deep chocolate colored skin and high cheek boned. Her jaw looked strong and angular like her face had been chiseled out of marble. She had deep large brown eyes and thick lips. Her head was smooth and fee of all hair. She also had her ears pierced in several places. There was a large one at the bottom with a colorful feather hanging down to her bare shoulder She had several other hoops in her ears, and one in her nose. Instead of normal wizards robes she had on a dress that wrapped around her body. It was a very colorful material. She did not look like any teacher Harry had ever seen. She was also quite different from the other person she had walked in with.

The other woman was every thing the first wasn't. She was not short but an average height of about 5'5". Her skin was also so white and pale it nearly glowed, and her hair was a red, not like the Weasley's, which was a ginger color, but a deep dark red color. Where as the first woman had no hair, the second had enough for several people. It was thick and full in a cascade of curls that laid around her face and shoulders and down her back. Harry couldn't quite tell how long it was but it was very long. Her face was not angular like the dark woman but soft and curved. She had deep green eyes. Not like Harry's, which were striking, but hers were soft and deep. She was also wearing normal wizard's robes that wear a deep green, nearly the same color as her eyes.

These two teachers did not seem to see that their arrival had drawn the attention of four young Gryffindor students. The four of them had also failed to see the arrival of three unwelcome guests at their table.

"Well, well look what we have here. Instead of one orphan we now have three. Care to make it four, Granger. I'm sure my father wouldn't mind," said an all too familiar sneer.

The next few things happened in very quick succession. Harry had whipped out his wand and used a leg locker curse on Malfoy and his goons. Ginny had used a Bat-Bogey Hex. Hermione used Engorgement Charm and Ron had used a Disarming Spell. The result was three very large things with winged faces that couldn't move their legs being thrown back into the floor. Harry and his friends were admiring their work when the saw that the two new teachers were standing over them.

"What is going on here?" said the white witch. Her accent had traces of American and Irish in it. She was looking at the four of them very much in the manner Snape would have. "Attacking student in the middle of the Great Hall, there is NO EXCUSE!"

"Now, now Devon they surely had a reason. Didn't you children?" said the black witch. She had a very strong South African accent. And despite her looks her voice was soft and gentle.

"Well, Professors… Malfoy mentioned that not only was Harry an orphan now but that so were Ron and Ginny. Then he offered to get his father to make it so I was an orphan too." Hermione as usual was the one with all the answers.

"See, Devon they were provoked."

"Shanka, Malfoy and his friends are in your house. Perhaps you should be more concerned for them. Look at them they were hit with no less than four different curses! We can't tolerate this sort of behavior, and the fact that they did this makes them no better than these three." Devon looked livid. "Fifty points will be taken from Gryffindor. Now get to where you belong. Shanka, let's take these three to the hospital wing, before going to Dumbledore's office."

Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny stood there dumbfounded not only had they lost fifty points but something the one called Devon had said was disturbing Harry. He knew he shouldn't but Harry never was good at keeping his mouth shut.

"What's wrong with Professor Snape? Why are you the head of Slytherin house now?" said Harry wondering why he was so concerned for Snape.

"I thought I told you to get were you belong. Go! It's no of your business were Professor Snape is. Now stop being nosy and get to your common room before you lose more points for your house."

Harry barely knew the woman but whoever this Devon was Harry did not like her. She sounded as though she hated Harry nearly as much as Snape, something Harry did not think was possible.

The four friends headed up to Gryffindor tower, when Harry remembered he had to go to Dumbledore's office.

"I'll catch up with you guys in the common room." He bid them farewell and headed toward the Headmaster's office.

When Harry got there he realized he didn't know the password.

"Ice mice?"

Nothing.

"Lemon Drops?"

Again nothing.

"Erm - cockroach clusters?... Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans?...Acid Pops?... Fudge Flies?... Er - just let me in!"

"Not you again. I thought we told you to go to were you belong."

Harry could hardly believe it. That teacher yet again, before Harry could think he was speaking.

"This is were I belong!" he said just a bit too sharply.

"You have an attitude problem. How very much like your father you are Harry."

Harry couldn't believe his ears. This was Snape in female form.

"Sorry, Professor I was told to come here after dinner but I don't know the password."

She smiled at Harry with what could only be called an evil grin.

"Oh calm yourself, Devon. Give the boy a break. Fizzing whizbees," said Shanka. The gargoyles in front of the staircase sprung to life as the stairs started winding themselves upward.

"Well, go on child lead the way," she said with a wave of her hand.

When they entered Dumbledore was sitting at his desk smiling at Harry.

"Ah Harry, sit please I see you've met our new Professors. This is Shanka Nosizwe, she will be your Potions professor while Professor Snape is on sabbatical. She will also be the acting head of Syltherin. Shanka, would you mind getting us some tea?" Dumbledore smiled at the tall dark woman.

She was busy making tea when Dumbledore introduced the other teacher.

"And this," he said turning to the red head, "is Professor Devon Aingeal, she will be teaching Defense Against The Dark Arts this year."

Harry could not help but groan. Defense Against The Dark Arts was normally his favorite class, but with his teacher it was soon to become his least favorite. Dumbledore gave a smile chuckle at his verbal thoughts on the new teachers. Shanka handed them all a cup of steaming tea. Harry drank some slowly.

"Ah yes thank you Shanka. Harry since you are still having nightmares and we can't be sure if they are just nightmares or planned visions I would like you to continue your Occlumency lessons with Professor Nosizwe.

"We'll work until you're skilled enough, Harry. You just let me know when you have time. I know you have other things you need to do. We'll work together on this okay child?" Nosizwe said in her kind strong voice.

"Thanks." The thought of lessons with a teacher who seemed nice was very good news to Harry.

"Alright then" Said Dumbledore standing up. "Shanka thank you very much. I need to speak with Devon and Harry for a moment."

Professor Nosizwe stood and left. Harry didn't think he was going to like what came next.

"Harry I think it would be good if you kept the D.A. together this year. Maybe branched out a bit and recruited some new members. I dare say we're going to need all the practice we can get."

Harry had not even thought of restarting the D.A. to him there wasn't even a choice. He would not be leading the school in to more danger. Last year he had taken five of his friends, five D.A. members and led them to near death. He wouldn't do it again.

"Dumbledore I though we discussed this - I don't have the time to supervise this child's over-inflated ego."

If looks could kill Harry was sure that with the look Dumbledore gave Professor Aingeal, she would have been dead. Harry, although he did not want to start the D.A. again this year, could not help but be infuriated. He was not a child with an over-inflated ego! Harry felt the need to prove himself to her and Dumbledore.

"I wouldn't need your supervising. We managed just fine on our own last year!" Harry was on the edge of sit. His feet were itching to jump up and yell at this woman.

She hadn't been there. She hadn't had to watch her friends come close to death. She hadn't had to watch Sirius fall through the Veil into death. Although if her Snape-like characteristics were any clue Harry was sure she would have been overjoyed to see Sirius perish.

"Yeah some job you did! Not only did you put yourself in danger but your closest friends as well and you got SIRIUS KILLED!" she looked just as shocked to have said that last part as Harry was to hear it. It was as though she had slapped him across the face.

Dumbledore stood, towering over both of them.

"Both of you stop! Devon you are acting unreasonably. Think of your history. Think of your friends. You don't want to act this way."

Before Harry could even begin to analyze this statement he turned to Harry.

"Harry, you need to show a bit of respect. This is your Professor and you will treat her with the respect that position demands." Dumbledore had never scolded Harry before he felt like a small child. Harry looked at his feet not wanting to see the disappointment in Dumbledore's eyes.

"Now Harry I can not force you to resume the D.A., but think of the dream this summer. If, by doing this, it could save one more person in that dream, isn't it worth it?"

When put like that all Harry could do was nod. As much as he didn't want to do it, the truth was it could help a lot of people.

"And Devon, you will not need to supervise anyone's ego. Although I was hoping you would work with Harry. If possible pop in once and a while to give a few pointers."

"Yes, sir." She said sound as much a child as Harry felt.

"Good then. You are both excused. And Harry, try to have a bit of fun. What will happen, will happen and until then best enjoy what you can."

With Dumbledore's statement Aingeal made a quick motion with her hands. One went to the chair she had just stood up from as though to balance herself and the other covered her mouth. She drew in a sharp breath and from where Harry was standing seemed to be fighting tears.

Harry looked at her but the moment of weakness was gone as quickly as it came. Harry shook his head racked it up to lack of sleep and walked down the stairs and back to the common room.

When Harry got back to the common room he looked around for Ron and Hermione. He found them in a corner of the room cuddled in one of the chairs. He gave one thought to the fact that Ginny wasn't with them but he needed to tell someone right now and didn't have the control to wait to find Ginny. He hurried over to the two of them plopping down in the chair next to them.

"You guys are never going to believe this." he said slightly out of breath.

"Dumbledore is retiring and your going to be the new headmaster?" said Ron excitedly with a just a slight hint of his sarcasm.

"Old Voldie decided he's giving up?" this coming from Hermione was funnier than it should have been. Harry just shook his head and waved them off.

"No listen, you know those teachers? Well they were at Dumbledore's office when I was."

Harry told them all about not being able to get into the office and his row with Aingeal. Then he told them all about the new potions teacher and his lessons with her.

"And then Dumbledore said he wants me to start up the D.A. again." At this Hermione went to say something but Ron shushed her. "Anyway she's like 'I don't have time to baby-sit some child's over-inflated ego! That's what she said: that I have an ego! I mean come on! I don't do I?" he added as an after thought.

"Oh, Harry of course not," said Hermione patting his leg.

"A possible 'hero complex'...but ego? No," said Ron shaking his head and smiling.

"Gee, thanks Ron. Remind me again why we're friends," Harry scowled.

"Go on Harry what happened then?" Hermione said edging to the edge of her seat.

"Well, I said we didn't need baby-sitting that we did find last year. Then she said about how I put you all in danger and – she…" Harry paused he could feel the guilt bubbling and his heart ached.

"What she say Harry?" asked Hermione gently.

"She threw – his death – she… erm…"

But Harry couldn't go on. He couldn't bring himself to say it and let his head fall to his chest. He heard Hermione gasp as she got his meaning.

"Oh God, Harry, I'm sorry. She is really…"

"Evil." Ron said finishing for her.

Harry just lifted his head. This was no time to break down. He looked around the area near him just realizing that Ginny was not here.

"Where's Ginny?"

Ron and Hermione exchanged a dark look.

"What's up… where is she?" Harry asked as his heart pounded just a bit faster. He was so prone to panic these days.

"Well, she's over there..." Hermione pointed to across the room and Harry turned. "…talking to Dean."

Harry looked over at the two of them, his eyes slits. There was Ginny sitting on one of the love seats, cuddled not next to Harry but next to Dean. Dean had his hand on Ginny's knee and was talking to Seamus they were laughing at a joke he had just told. Ginny was sitting there laughing, but it did not reach her eyes. She looked miserable.

Fury as such that Harry had never experienced surged within him. Dean and Harry had always gotten along fine but at the sight of his hand on Ginny's knee he would have liked nothing else than to rip Dean's head from his shoulders. And there was that annoying Evil Harry's voice in his head again.

_**Look there Harry. No wonder she hasn't said 'I love you' since before her mother died, she still loves Dean. You lost old boy and to Dean. She led you on Potter! What are going to do about it!**_

_Shut up, I'm sure there is a reasonable explanation._

_**Yeah right. Keep telling yourself that Potter. **_

_Who are you anyway? GET OUT OF MY HEAD!_

_**Can't do that Potter. I'm you.**_

The conversation in Harry's head would have disturbed him more had he been paying attention to it, but Harry was to busy watching as Dean leaned over and gave Ginny a kiss.

Had Harry been in a better mood, he would have seen how Ginny turned her head away at the last moment so all that Dean got was her cheek but Harry was not in the detailed attention paying kind of mood that would have taken.

Before he could think of anything else the two Harry's in his screamed so loudly he was sure that everyone in the common room could hear them.

_**Move along Potter, it's my turn to control things!**_

And as Evil Harry pushed Normal Harry away, Harry's body began to move across the room. Every muscle in his body clenched. The only thought playing in his mind was the kiss over and over again.

_**How dare he kiss MY girlfriend! No way is he getting away with this. Watch, Potter, let me teach you something.**_

Harry reached Dean and Ginny in a matter of a few steps. He was so mad he didn't see the look of pleading on Ginny's face, nor the confusion on Dean's.

"DEAN!" Harry shouted.

"Hey, Harry. What's a matter?"

Before Dean knew it Harry grabbed him by the collar and amazed by his own strength slammed him up against the nearest wall. Harry put his face very close to Dean's and whispered.

"Stay away from my girlfriend. Don't you even look at her. You got me?" Harry growled each word instead of spoke them.

_**There ya go, Potter, how'd ya like that?**_

_Your not me! YOU'RE A MADMAN!_

_**Takes one to know one, Potter.**_

And with that Harry was back. Dean slipped from his grasp as Harry was no longer able to hold all his weight. Harry looked first at Dean who was trembling on the floor, then to his hand which was still clenched in a fist and shaking madly. He turned around and saw the whole common room staring at him. Ginny was standing in front of him looking at him fearfully. Something he never wanted Ginny to feel towards him was fear. Harry saw that Ron and Hermione had moved forward. Hermione's hand covered her mouth as she stared at Harry dumbfounded; Ron was looking at Harry like he was sure it he would soon turn into Snape or Malfoy or some other evil person they knew.

Harry was trying desperately to wrap his brain around what had just happened. This was not like him. He didn't go around throwing people into walls like this. He had always tried to talk his way out of things first.

"D-ean" Harry cleared his throat and tried again. "Dean, I'm so sorry mate." He reached out his hand and offered it to Dean who was still on the floor. "I don't know what came over me."

Dean looked at his hand like it was a bug. Then he looked past Harry and at Ginny.

_**I thought I told him not to even look at her! I think he needs a reminder!**_

_Go AWAY! SHUT UP! GET OUT OF HERE! _

Harry struggled with the Evil Harry and finally pushed him away.

"What was he talking about Ginny? He said you were his girlfriend."

Ginny looked close to tears as Dean said this. Suddenly it all clicked. Dean was not the one to be mad at here, it was Ginny - she had never broken it off with him. Harry's head was beginning to hurt from all the yelling in his head, and the struggle to remain in control of his actions.

"I'm so sorry Dean. I tried to tell you but you wouldn't listen." She had started crying and Harry's heart felt heavy. He walked over to her and hugged her.

"I'm so sorry, Harry. I should have told you that I hadn't told him yet."

"Shh. It's okay, Gin. You were trying. I don't know what came over me. I'm so sorry, love." Harry held her as she cried.

"You were so frightening, Harry. What happened?"

Harry was finding it hard to swallow.

"I dunno," he said wishing more than anything to know.

After the fiasco that came to be know as "The Incident." Harry, Ginny and Dean sat down and talked about Harry and Ginny's relationship. Dean did not take it well and it was all Harry could do to keep Evil Harry away. After that most people had gone to bed. Ron and Hermione joined Ginny and Harry near the fire and Harry told Ginny all that had happened in Dumbledore's office.

"I can't believe she would say something like that about Sirius. I mean, did she know he was your godfather?"

Harry shook his head.

"I dunno. But that wasn't the confusing part. After that happened Dumbledore said something that I thought was strange. He said 'Devon you are acting unreasonably. Think of your history. Think of your friends. You don't want to act this way.' What do you think he meant? I mean it was so cryptic. She looked about to cry though."

They all looked at each other for a moment none of them having any idea what that meant.

"Then he told us that he thought the D.A. would be a good idea and I just couldn't say no to him so I said I'd do it."

"Well that's good I mean at least we'll have some extra practice," Hermione was smiling at Harry sheepishly.

"Oh and I almost forgot. When we were leaving Dumbledore told me 'What will happen, will happen and until then best enjoy what you can' and Aingeal looked like she might pass out. Does that mean anything to any of you?"

The all shook there heads. Hermione picked up her bag and began fumbling through it. She pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill.

"Hermione, we don't have homework yet. What're you doing?" Ron said looking at her like she was crazy.

Hermione just gave him a look.

"I'm going to do some research on these two - see if I can't find out anything about them. This Aingeal seems like it be good to keep an eye on her, and Shanka… something about her name is bugging me, but I don't know what it is. What was her full name again, Harry?"

"Shanka Nosizwe. The other one is Devon Aingeal."

Hermione wrote them down and folded up.

"I'll check the library tomorrow."

They sat there for a bit longer and chatted but in the end decided to go to bed.

That night as Harry laid in him four-poster bed trying to not think that he might have that dream again he thought of Evil Harry.

It was crazy the way he was thinking. There was not an Evil Harry in his head. That was just nonsense. Yet Harry kept hearing that dark deep voice of his head coming out of his mouth as he whispered to Dean.

Harry nodded off while thinking that he just might be crazy.

The dream was the same as the last two except this time Harry was not alone. Next to him was an identical twin, however upon closer inspection Harry saw that it was not identical. His Harry did not have glasses, and his eyes were a deeper more dangerous looking green. They seemed to smolder in there sockets. The scar on Evil Harry's head was much brighter, it seemed to have a line of dried blood covering it making it stand out more. His face was in a sneer that would have given Malfoy a run for his money and he was more built than the real Harry. Harry was just rounding the corner to six feet, whereas Evil Harry was nearly six foot five and had well defined muscles.

_**Told you I was real. What the hell is this place anyway?**_

_It's my dream. _

_**Anyone ever told you you're weird, Potter?**_

_What'd you say earlier? Takes one to know one._

_**Ha! I knew I was in there somewhere. Come on, Potter, let's get this over with. **_

The started to walk down the corridor until they got near the first figure, James Potter.

_**Who's that Potter?**_

_Demon Dad_

**_Seriously Potter, you need help._**

"_I can't believe my son turned out to be loony. What a waste."_

_**See Potter even your Dad knows you're whacked up.**_

_Shut up_

**_Let's see who else we can find Potter. I need to know how truely messed up you are. _**

The dream continued until Harry woke himself up screaming. However as soon as his eyes opened and he was out of the clutches of the dream he fell right back to sleep.

The next morning Harry woke feeling better than he had in days. He felt refreshed and never even remembered having the nightmare.

* * *

**A/N: Just a few. First a big shout out to my fan. You know who you are and also to my beta Jenna. Love you ladies!**

**Also you should all know in case you haven't got it yet:**

_**Writing like this is Evil Harry's thoughts.**_

_Writing like this is Normal Harry's thoughts._

"_And writing like this his anyone speaking in a dream unless it's Harry or Evil Harry."_

**Ok that's it go review... tell me what ya think of Shanka and Devon. **


	9. Devon Aingeal

**Harry Potter's Deepest Fears**

**Chapter 9 - Devon Aingeal**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters and or themes. I do own Devon and Shanka and Heather owns Adiann Akurse. The terms Slayer, Watcher, Whitelighter, and Charmed Ones do not belong to me either. **

When Harry woke up the next morning he remembered nothing of the dream from the previous night. He felt refreshed and rested. He pulled back the hangings, got up and started to pull on his school robes.

The room was deserted and he wondered where everyone was so early in the morning. He walked down the stairs and found Hermione and Ron having a tiff.

"Well, if you'd be a bit more candid!"

"Yeah right I'm the trouble maker Ms. 'she's talking to Dean'!"

He dragged out the word Dean so it was much longer than normal. He was also using his Hermione voice.

"Well you didn't stop her like I TOLD YOU TO! She should have never talked to him. SHE'S YOUR SISTER!" Hermione's face was flushed and her hands were clenched into tiny fists.

Harry walked down the stairs laughing to himself. After a good night sleep what had happened last night seemed petty and stupid.

"I do hope you're not fighting over me, I wouldn't want to be the reason you two broke up the great love affair of Gryffindor Tower this year."

Both of them whipped around. Ron's face was as red as his hair and he had a deadly look in his eyes. Hermione's hair seemed to stand on end and her hands were still balled into tiny fists. Yet when they saw him both instantly relaxed.

"Harry! Good Morning, did you sleep well?" said Hermione just a bit too nicely.

"I slept fine, Hermione, and you don't have to worry about me blowing up again."

"I'm not worried Harry, whatever gave you that impression?"

Harry just snorted and walked toward the portrait hole.  
"You two coming or not?"

They hurried after Harry grabbing their bags on the way out.

"Where's Ginny?" Harry asked after they were out of the portrait hole.

"She went down to breakfast to meet up with Luna and see if they have any classes together this year." said Ron giving a sideways glance at Harry.

Harry kept walking feeling only slightly irritated that Ginny had not waited for him.

**_She's allowed to have her own friends, Potter_**.

_I know that! Shut up!_

Half way to the Great Hall Hermione turned toward the library.

"Where are you going?" said Ron

"To the library, I want to get a book real quick."

With that she walked off and left Ron and Harry to discuss how Hermione ever managed without a library in the same building as her.

They walked to the Great Hall and Harry instantly felt at home. The Hall smelled like home, with fresh foods being sent up from the kitchens. Harry and Ron walked to the end of the Gryffindor table and took a seat. Harry looked around and saw Ginny talking avidly with Luna at the Ravenclaw table. When she looked up he smiled at her and waved. She returned the smile and with a quick goodbye to Luna got up and walked over to where they were sitting.

"So what's our first torturous class and have we missed it yet?" asked Ron as they got some toast.

Harry ignored his question though as he felt Ginny's arms slip around him as she hugged him from behind.

"Morning Harry, sleep well?" she asked as she slid around and sat down next to him.

Harry leaned over, his head resting on hers as he kissed her gently.

"Hmmm... morning love, I slept perfectly, how about you?"

Ginny giggled madly.  
"Harry stop, everyone can see!"

"I don't care." said Harry kissing her again. Ginny pulled away slightly so that Harry only got her cheek.

"I do." she said, giving him a look. "Now is not the time for this - we have class soon."

Harry pulled away.

"I know, you're right, I'm sorry. I just love you so much."

"I know Harry," and with that she patted his arm and went back to breakfast.

"Are you done fondling my sister, Harry?" asked Ron with a slight smirk that told Harry he was only joking.

"Never!" said Harry in a mock hero tone, he then burst into laughter.

It felt good to laugh with Ginny and Ron again; they had had too many days of tears and sorrow.

"We have Defense Against the Dark Arts first Ron, and no we haven't miss anything. Today is our only lesson, but unfortunately it is a double with Slytherin," he said, answering Ron's earlier question.

The prospect of having lessons with Devon Aingeal was almost more than Harry could handle, but the prospect of having that class with that teacher and Slytherin was just too much.

"Well, aren't we lucky. From what you tell me she's going to be just as bad as Snape in potions with Slytherin," said Ron.

"What do you have first, love?"

"I have Herbology, then Transfiguration. Then after lunch Ron and I have double Potions," she said before taking a big bite of her toast and jam.

"Your taking Potions with Ginny?" he asked Ron.

"Yeah well, I didn't get an O.W.L. in Potions so they said I could retake it. I think I might do better without Snape breathing down my neck too," said Ron, with a look to Harry that asked him to make a comment.

"Well good luck with that Ron, next year you'll be better than us with that proper teaching."

Ron beamed at his friend and didn't notice when Hermione came streaking into the Great Hall carrying the biggest book any of them had ever seen.  
She slammed it down on the table next to Ron and grabbed a piece of toast shoving the whole thing into her mouth.

"Yommour nemmer gomming to bemmlieve whmmat I fmmound!" Hermione swallowed her mouthful of food and glanced at her watch. "OH MY GOODNESS! We're all going to be late, Ginny you need to be all the way out in the greenhouses. And we need to get up to Defense!"

"Hermione stop a minute, what on earth were you trying to say a minute ago!" asked Ron looking at her like she might be from another planet.

"No time to talk now Ronald! We're late! Come on you two," she grabbed Ron's hand and started running from the Great Hall. "BYE GINNY! TALK TO YOU LATER!" she called after Ginny.

Harry gave Ginny a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Bye love, I'll see you at lunch," Harry said, as he started walking off towards the entrance. "Good luck with classes! I LOVE YOU!" he yelled the last part causing the few people who were left in the hall to turn and stare. Harry blushed a moment realizing what he had just said, before running to catch up with Ron and Hermione.

By the time the made it to the third floor Harry had a painful stitch in his side, Ron was breathing heavily, and Hermione was basically dragging her book from the library. They walked into the classroom and found the only three open seats together, right in front.

Harry was not looking forward to this class. Professor Aingeal did not like him; Harry could tell.

When she walked into the classroom Harry found it very odd to see her in Muggle clothing. Adult witches and wizards did not don Muggle clothing unless they needed to, and Harry didn't think he had ever seen one of his professors where anything other than wizard robes.

Regardless of what Harry was used to this teacher did not conform to it. She was wearing a pair of black trousers and a pink sweater that fitted her body perfectly. Her hair was longer than he first thought. Today instead of being curled it was pulled straight and fell down her back and around her shoulders. It was so long it nearly covered her bum. Her hair was like a cloak covering her in thick waves.

Lavender and Parvati gave a few "ahs" when she walked into the room. You could tell they thought she was very good looking. Devon however was not amused with their affection.

"That will be quite enough, Miss…." she glanced at her roster. "Miss Brown, Miss Patil please keep your oo's and ah's for outside this classroom. We have work to do."

With the warning everyone went deathly quite as she read down the list of names.  
"Akurse?" she paused has he raised his hand and gave him a look. Harry wasn't sure what it meant.

As she continued on she paused on a few other Slytherin's names giving them the same look.

"Draco Malfoy?" her quite smile turned into a sneer and she glanced up, her eyes dancing.

Draco just looked up at the teacher dresses in Muggle clothing with slight disgust.  
"Present." he sneered.

"Tone, boy," she said. She paused and then spoke again. "Tell me, how is your father doing these days?"

Draco looked at her with a bewildered expression on his face.

"Not too well, actually, he's been sent to Azkaban on false charges."

"Ah yes, well isn't that unfortunate. How about your mother, boy, I hope she's well?"

Draco gave her a look wondering if she was being sincere.

"As well as is to be expected."

"So much like your father you are," she turned back to her roster.

"How would you know?" Draco spat with a bit of venom.

In a flash Aingeal was walking to where Draco was seated. She put her face close to his and said in a deadly voice.

"More than you could ever dream of, boy. Do me a favor and tell you dream mother I send my blessings - we go way back."

She walked back to the front of the room as though nothing had happened.

"Fifteen points from Slytherin for Mr. Malfoy's cheek," she said, turning around and looking to the roster again.

Ron elbowed Harry with a big grin on his face and Harry could not help but look back at Malfoy for a small goad.

"That will be twenty points from Gryffindor, for goading another student, Mr. Potter," she turned and set down her paper, crossed her arms over her chest, and looked at them all sternly.  
"Welcome to my class. While in this classroom I will expect many things of you. First off do not speak while I am speaking, or, for that matter, while another student is speaking. Now I know this is Gryffindor and Slytherin ,but listen up I WILL NOT tolerate fighting in my classroom. This is a place of learning, and I have a lot to teach you. Now if you think you can't act like the sixteen year olds, you are to get the hell out of my room!" she pointed to the door.

No one moved. None of them would ever dream of leaving this class. Not even Malfoy made a peep.

"Good then, now let's continue."

She picked up the roster and continued with the Gryffindor students.

When the list was finished she put it down and sat down upon the front of her desk.

"Let's see, you've covered dark creatures quite extensively, right?" she asked looking around the room.

There was a general approval at the question.

"And you've covered dark curses in fourth year correct?"

Another approval at her statement.

"Ok, so I've covered third year, and I've covered fourth year. Now during your first two years your teachers were…" she covered her mouth with her hands thinking a moment for the right word. "Your teachers were, not qualified," she said diplomatically.

"So now we come to last year." she paused again, thinking of the best way to approach the subject.

"Last year ,your formal teacher didn't feel that practical magic was appropriate to be teaching and although I know you led yourselves in an informal way we still have a lot of ground to cover."

She stood up sliding off the desk and started pacing across the front of the room.

"This year we will be covering magic." she paused and looked at the stunned faces. "What I mean to say is that we will be covering magic as it pertains to people. Magic is not within us." she pointed to her chest. "It is all around us. Our ability to draw on that magic makes us who we are." She turned to face the class.

"What makes you a Squib, Muggle, wizard, or witch depends on how you draw the magic in. Now I have just named our first few entities: Squib, Muggle, wizard, witch - who can name another?" she was looking at each of them but no one raised there hands no one made a sound.  
"Oh come on class, let's get some discussion going. We have a double class and we are not leaving early."

Draco raised his hand slowly.

"Draco?"

"Well, you forgot a group, you said all those." he waved to the board were her list was written. "But you didn't say Mudbloods, I mean they're not really notable but we can't just forget about them, especially when Granger is-."

"THAT IS QUITE ENOUGH MR. MALFOY!" said Aingeal, fury written in very feature of her face.

"Of course, Professor," sneered Draco.

"You are, of course, right Mr. Malfoy. I did forget to mention Muggle born witches and wizards, but given the fact that they are considered witches and wizards with out any titling I thought we'd overlook it. Thank you so much for clarifying. However twenty-five points will be taken from your house for your language I thought I would not have to lecture young adults on suitable language, but I was mistaken. Your mouth will not be tolerated."

Their teacher looked livid, and Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat there stunned at Malfoy's behavior. Aingeal straightened her clothes and started pacing again.

"Anyone else have any ideas?" she waited a moment. No one raised their hands.

Slowly Hermione raised her hand.

"Yes Miss Granger." said Aingeal she motioned for Hermione to speak.

"Well, lots of Muggles claim to have magical powers."

Aingeal gave her a look and the room busted into laughter.

"Class, class calm down."

"But wait, I know what I'm talking about you know - Muggles who claim to be psychics, who claim to have telepathy, or who are psychokinetic; Muggles who can brew up love potions - I mean the all can't be fakes can they?" Hermione said the last part quietly Harry was willing to bet this was the only time Hermione wasn't completely sure she was right.

Aingeal smiled at her.

"Right you are Miss. Granger, although many of them are fake there are many Muggles who are intoned to the magic," she paused for a moment and was about to continue but was interrupted by Malfoy.

"Muggles? Intoned to MAGIC? Yeah right!"

If Harry had thought that Aingeal was mad before he was mistaken, she looked about ready to kill Malfoy. Harry was starting to like her, just a bit.

"OUT! Now." she pointed to the door, her deep green eyes fiery and wild. "GET OUT OF MY CLASS! If you can not keep your mouth shut Mr. Malfoy, then I wish you not to be here. Go tell your Head of house why you are no longer in this class, and then tell her it was YOU that lost your house fifty points, and that you have detention with me for the next month! Now out ! Go right now!"

There seemed to be a battle of wits going on. Malfoy's eyes bore into Aingeal's as they stared each other down. Soon enough though Malfoy looked away gathered up his things and brushed pass her mumbling 'my father will here about this' as he walked out the door.

"Oh I count on it Mr. Malfoy do tell him I say hello." she called after him.

Turning back to her class she saw Ron, Harry and Hermione trying not to giggle.

"Mr. Potter and company, do you wish to lose your house more points?" they all shook there heads at her question. "Didn't think so, so shut it. Now moving on, Hermione was quite correct - there are many Muggles with an innate ability for magic. Yet their magic is so crude that they can not be considered witches or wizards. We will be getting into many types of people like this. I even know of three sisters who are called 'The Charmed Ones' and they consider themselves witches, yet they are just Muggles. We will talk more on them later. Does any one know of any others, think of your teachers."

Her clue was extremely confusing to Harry, then it hit him. Hagrid! Harry's hand shot up so fast he nearly jumped out of his seat.

"YES! Mr. Potter, calm down - what do you have to add to your discussion."

Just when he was starting to like her she got all Snapeish on him.

"Er- well I was thinking of Giants." he said not feeling sure of himself anymore.

Her small smile faded quickly.

"Correct Mr. Potter." with a wave of her hand the board filled with more names, it read:

Magical Entities  
Sixth Year DADA  
1. Witches  
2. Wizards  
3. Squibs  
4. Muggles  
5. Muggle-borns  
6. Innate Muggles  
7. Gaints

"What else can we add?"

Hermione raised her hand but so did a few others.

"Adiann?" she asked a boy in Slytherin that Harry didn't know.

"Metamorphmagus?" he asked.

It instantly was written on the board which they took to mean it was correct.

"Lavender?"

"Well you said teachers, so would Firenze be one... I mean centaurs?"

It was written up on the board with the others. Ron was waving his hand in the air, it was quite funny because Harry had never seen him this excited to answer.

"Ron?"

"Well err- Vampires?"

It was written up on the board and a slight smile spread across her face. She opened her mouth to speak but Hermione squealed.

"Ohh! I know about them. Vampires have been around for thousands upon thousands of years, they date back to the first Vampire, Vald the Impaler. In Muggle legend he was marked as an evil figure that warred against holy priests. He was known for being ruthless with his enemies and killing them by drinking their blood, or impaling them upon stakes. In wizarding history he is the first know Vampire. The only know ways to kill a Vampire is from a wooden stake through the heart and direct sunlight, although they are repelled by holy water and garlic they are not killed by it. Nearly all Vampires are Animagi - they take the form of a bat. The Vampire problem in the world is controlled by Slayers. These muggles are endowed with special abilities, superhuman strength and an innate ability to fight Vampires. The Slayers are kept under control and connected to the wizarding world via Watchers. Watchers are people who are trained to train Slayers so they are endowed with the same abilities of Slayers, however there magical ability extends to basic magical spells as well."

Hermione looked around the room obviously feeling very proud of her self for knowing all that about Vampires, she looked to Aingeal and Hermione's look of achievement vanished.

"Thank you, Miss. Granger for teaching my lesson on Vampires. Ten points from Gryffindor for speaking out of turn. We have only one other to add to our list, and that is Whitelighters. We will be covering Vampires more next class, but given that Miss Granger has already started us out I would like you all to come to class next Thursday with ten inches on Vald the Impaler, and Hermione I would like you to do twenty inches since you are so well educated on him. Look into his background and family and how he become a Vampire."

The bell rang and everyone began picking up there books. The whole class talked about what a great lesson that had been as they headed to lunch. Hermione on the other hand looked near tears.

"I was just trying to be helpful. 10 points!" she said through her tears.

"Hermione forget about the points, you have to do a twenty inch essay!" said Ron, looking like that was a fate worse than death.

"Oh, Ronald - forget that. I'm not worried. I have this – slight – fascination with er- Vampires." Hermione blushed madly as the entered the Great Hall. Harry was looking around the room looking for Ginny as Ron and Hermione continued to argue.

"VAMPIRES! Hermione why can't you be obsessed with normal girl things like the Weird Sisters or something like that," said Ron as they sat down at the end of the table. Ginny was not there yet.

The were helping themselves to shephard's pie when Ginny came in, slamming her bag on to the table so hard it knocked over a heavy dish of beef stew. The hot contents slid across the table and threatened to dump themselves on Harry and Ginny's laps had it not been form Hermione muttering a quick cleaning spell.

"Whoa Gin. Careful there!" said Harry as she pulled the bag to the floor.

"Sorry, Harry but really I have been here one day and in two classes have more homework than I ever had before. Professor Sprout gave was a four foot essay on what we learned last year. FOUR FOOT! Then Professor McGonagall gave us a six and a half foot essay on everything we've learned till now, and well she knows we're not going to be able to squeeze everything into only six and a half foot essay , I mean really! It's due next week too. I don't have time to eat lunch."

With this she made to stand up, Harry grabbed her arm and pulled her back down.

"Eat!" he said shoving some of the beef stew that had ended up in his bowl to her. I'll help you later with your essays."

Ginny looked at him gratefully and started eating the stew slowly. They all ate in silence for a few minutes but when Hermione went to reach for bread and when she did she glanced at the head table and instantly dropped her bread. She pulled up her bag and took out the huge library book.

"I have to tell you what I found out! I can't believe I forgot!" she said urgently.


	10. Shanka Nosizwe

**Harry Potter's Deepest Fears **

**Chapter 10 - Shanka Nosizwe **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the related character to him they belong to the great and wonderful J.K. Rowling's. Also I do not own the terms Slayer or Watcher they belong to the people of Buffy. I do not own the terms Whitelighter or Charmed one they belong to the people of Charmed. Put it this way if you recognize it then I don't own it. I do however own Shanka Nosizwe, and Devon Aingeal, so please don't steal them. Adiann Akurse, Alianna, and Tyler Griffith belong to Heather so don't steal them either. Thanks! **

"Hermione breathe, slow down, you're acting crazy!" Ron said as Hermione frantically flipped through the huge book that now covered their forgotten lunches. "Well crazier than normal" he added as an after thought.

"Oh, hush Ronald. Okay, wait - this will take forever," Hermione closed the book and sat staring at the three of them. Ron, Ginny and Harry seemed to know what she was thinking; they closed in around her making sure that they were in a tight circle that would allow them to talk without being overheard. "Okay, listen - you remember how I told you I was going to find some info on our new teachers? Well this morning I went to the library to get this book –" she pointed to the book on the table.

"Wait, wait, wait. Hang on just a second, Hermione" Harry interrupted. "How come it took you ten minutes to find this book on our teachers, but it took all three of us nearly half a year to find one paragraph on Nicolas Flamel?"

"Well if you'd let me finish I'd tell you!" Hermione scowled.

Harry looked at Ron and Ginny, shrugged and urged Hermione to continue.

"Okay, so as I was saying, I went to get this book because it is a very special book. I learned about it in Muggle Studies. This book is called a 'Web Book'," Hermione paused, obviously expecting them to say they now understood; unfortunately for Hermione, they looked at her with mingled expressions of confusion and worry.

"Honestly, don't you three read?" asked Hermione.

"Of course not dear, that's what you're for," smiled Ron; in return Hermione slapped him across the head.

"May I continue?" she asked and when said nothing she went on. "This is a Web Book. It works just the same as the Internet."

At this statement Harry smiled; now he understood. Ron and Ginny, however, who had never even seen a computer let alone the Internet, didn't have a clue.

"The Internet is something Muggles use to obtain information from a computer, which is a machine that they use to organize and obtain information," she paused at there still puzzled expressions. "Oh really, you two should really consider taking Muggle Studies; anyway, this book will give you all information ever written on any person. For example: Harry Potter."

With this she tapped the outside of the book three times with her wand. It instantly glowed bright neon green and then as quickly as it had happened, the book stopped glowing.

Hermione opened the book to the first page and read:

_**Harry Potter **_

_**Born: July 31, 1980 **_

_**To Parents James Potter and Lily (Evans) Potter **_

_**Harry Potter can be found in the following books: **_

_Great Wizards of the Twentieth Century _

_Notable Magical Names of Our Time _

_A Study of Recent Developments in Wizardry _

_The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts _

_Modern Magical History _

_Important Modern Magical Discoveries _

_The Boy Who Lived and How He Might Have Done This. _

_Hogwarts: A History (revised edition) _

_Things the Ministry Doesn't Want You to Know. _

_Our Life and Times _

_Who's Who: A Look at Notable Wizarding Names _

_Potter: A Family Genealogy _

_**All entries are located in this book**_

"Every book that you've ever been mentioned in is listed here. Then those books are transferred into this book, see?" she opened the book to about midway and showed them.

_**Modern Magical History **_

**_One of the most notable events in our modern history is the defeat of He Who Must Not Be Named. This defeat was caused by The Boy Who Lived, more commonly called Harry Potter. On Halloween, 1981 when He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named went to his parents house in Godric's Hollow... _**

Harry stopped reading, he knew what happened. He looked at Hermione and could tell she was on the edge of her seat, holding back from just blabbing whatever it was that she had to tell them.

"Well go on Hermione," he said, bringing the other two heads away from his life and times.

"Thanks - so anyway, I went and got this out and did a quick tap for Devon Aingeal."

She again tapped the book and this time it did not glow. She opened it to show them.

"Err - Hermione? Its blank." Ron said turning the pages.

"Yes, Ronald I know."

"Hermione, dear, why is it blank?" he asked cautiously.

"Well there are only two things I can come up with. Either Devon Aingeal is not her real name or she is an Unspeakable. If she is an Unspeakable, then they remove all entries in all books. They do it as a precaution."

She stopped to let this sink in.

"Okay, is that the grand news you had to tell us?" asked Ron.

"Of course not, Ronald. I did my next search on Shanka Nosizwe."

She tapped the book again, but this time it glowed a golden color. She opened it to the first page and showed it to them:

_**Shanka Nosizwe **_

_**Born: December 21, 1900 **_

_**To Parents Wakaet Nosizwe and Frenter **_

_**Shanka Nosizwe can be found in the following books: **_

_Great Witches of the Twentieth Century _

_Notable Magical Names of Our Time _

_A Study of Recent Developments in Wizardry _

_The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts _

_Modern Magical History _

_Important Modern Magical Discoveries _

_Catastrophes of the 1970's _

_The new Millennium: People born in 1900 _

_Ambush: The Story of the Xanier Tribe _

_Lost Magic: Xanier Legends _

_Immortality spells of the 20th Century_

_Secretes that Have Been Spilled: Are Secrete Keepers Safe?_

_**All entries are located in this book. **_

"I knew the name 'Nosizwe' sounded familiar; she is the only living remains of one of the most predominant South African tribes of our time. The Xanier tribe use to be considered legend because no one knew if it existed or not."

"Wait, hold on just a minute!" Ron interrupted. "Why did the name 'Nosizwe' have meaning to you? I've never heard it before."

Hermione was tapping the table with her fingers looking at the three of them with exasperation. Harry could tell she wished they'd all just go 'Wow that's really interesting' and know what she was talking about, but Harry was right there with Ron; there was a thousand questions swimming around in his head.

"I've read a lot of the books written on the Xanier tribe. It really is quite a fascinating story. The name Nosizwe is a common name given to their leader. It means 'Leader of the Nation'. Shanka was the last leader the Xanier people ever had. In 1976 there was an ambush of the tribe by Death Eaters and every last Xanierian was killed, except Shanka. It truly was a massacre. These people were a very 'ancient' tribe. They lived a primitive life in huts with no amenities and worst of all, they never learned defensive magic. So when they were attacked they didn't know how to protect themselves," she said sadly.

The four of them looked at each other trying to imagine what it would be like to be attacked and not even know a simple disarming spell. Harry shuddered to think about it. He had saved himself loads of times with simple defensive spells.

"Hermione, why would they be attacked? I mean, what could Voldemort gain by attacking them?" asked Harry.

"The Xanier tribe guarded a very ancient magic that dates back to the time of Christ. This magic is said to hold the power to make a person have immortality. It is said to be an ancient method of making the Elixir of Life. So I imagine that he wanted it to make himself immortal."

Ron threw his hands up in the air.

"I thought the only know maker of the Elixir of Life was Nicholas Flamel?"

"He is, the Xanier tribe was thought to be only legend when that book was published. Plus it's not even really know what the Xanier tribe was guarding. The person who knows what they were protecting is Professor Nosizwe." Glancing at her watch she added "We're going to be late."

As Hermione started packing up her bag, Harry thought for a moment about how stuff like this happened every year. Every year some new task was up before him and his friends, and every year classes seemed to get in the way of this new task.

"Okay. I know we need to go, because we have class," said Ginny, speaking for the first time since Hermione had interrupted their lunch. "But I have one question. If they were guarding this huge secret, why they didn't they learn how to defend themselves?"

"I don't know. I'll have to read more," Hermione said as she stood up. "Come on Harry, we have Astronomy. Bye Ginny, bye Ronald."

She bent down and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Bye 'Mione. I love you," Ron said as Hermione pulled Harry away.

"Bye Gin. Don't stress so much, love," Harry said.

She smiled and waved after him as he and Hermione headed to the Astronomy Tower.

Harry didn't have any classes after Astronomy but Hermione had Ancient Runes, so he headed to the common room to start his essay for Defense. Harry had almost made it to the portrait hole when he heard someone call him. He turned around and saw Professor Aingeal standing a few feet down the hall; she waved him toward her with her hand. Harry had no choice so he begrudgingly headed down the hall towards where she was standing.

"Professor?"

"Yes, Harry might I have a word… about the DA?" she asked, sounding as though she'd rather go down to the lake and have a chat with the giant squid.

"Sure, I guess."

"You don't have a class?" she asked hopefully.

"No I was just going to start your essay," he replied, wishing she would just leave him alone; it was obvious she didn't want to talk to him.

"Ah, I see well I just wanted to know when you were planning on doing these lessons," she said.

"I really hadn't thought about it yet. I've only been here one day, and we need to work around my Occlumency lessons, as well as three Quidditch practice schedules," he told her, thinking that there needed to be more days in the week.

"Why only three?" she asked.

"Well- err- I don't think the Slytherins are going to want to learn Defense from me. They kinda hate me."

"You might be surprised Harry; try and let me know a set schedule by next week," with this she started to walk off but Harry stopped her.

"Professor, wait! Last year the schedule changed from week to week."

"How on earth did you keep everyone informed - especially with that sad excuse for a teacher, Umbridge, walking around?" she asked, and for once Harry could hear her when she spoke, rather than Snape.

"We all fake coins with Protean Charms on them, so when I changed the date on mine, everyone else's changed, too," he told her. "My friend Hermione made them."

She nodded her head in acknowledgement and walked off. Harry went back to the portrait hole just wanting to sit down and write his essay while he had time. He made it into the common room before someone called his named again.

"Harry!" said a girl's voice.

"Oh, bloody hell! WHAT?" he shouted as he whipped around to find Katie Bell. The look on her face made Harry feel bad instantly. Katie had never been anything but nice to him and here he was biting her head off.

_**See Potter, I'm more apart of you then you thought! **_

_Shut up! _

"I'm sorry Katie; I just can't seem to find five minutes alone."

"That's alright Harry. I just wanted to let you know that I've been made Captain of the Gryffindor team and I wanted to tell you our schedule."

Harry was very pleased to hear that Katie had been made Captain. He had always liked Katie and knew that she would work very hard for the cup. After Katie told him that they had tryouts already (a transfer student named Alianna was there new Chaser- "She's amazing, Harry; the Cup is ours!"), and that Ginny, Jack Sloper, and Andrew Kirke would be returning as Chaser, Beater and Beater, she told him their schedule (Mondays, Wednesday, and Saturdays). Then she helped Harry more than she would ever know.

"I took the liberty of asking the other teams when their practices would be, so that you wouldn't have trouble planning weekly DA meetings. We are continuing, right?" she added hopefully.

"Yeah we are, thanks for doing that Katie, you just saved me a ton of energy." Harry looked at the piece of paper and noticed that she'd even gotten the Slytherin schedule. "How you get the Slytherins to give you the schedule?" he asked.

"Oh, well they have a new Captain, someone named Akurse - he's one of their Beaters. I've never noticed him before; then again they all look the same to me. He said he'd be glad to help and gave me his schedule. I think he might even come to a meeting. He seems a lot less 'Slytherin' than the rest of them."

Harry nodded, thanked Katie again, and finally settled himself into his favorite armchair and started on his essay.

Hermione got back to the common room before Ron and Ginny, and instead of pulling out her homework she pulled out the massive Web Book.

"Hi Harry, how was your afternoon? Did you get much done?" she asked as she settled herself into her own favorite armchair.

Harry sighed and set aside his essay.

"Not really. I tried to do this, but kept being interrupted."

"Oh really, by whom?" she asked, only giving him half her attention; her nose was planted in her book.

"Well, Professor Aingeal wanted to know what time the DA meetings would be and I told her I wasn't sure, and then Katie started rambling on about this new Chaser she found, a girl named...err... Alankia maybe... I dunno, I can't remember. But she also got me the schedules of the other three teams, too."

Harry handed Hermione the part with the schedules and she took it from him scanning it quickly.

"What year is this girl in? I thought I knew everyone in Gryffindor."

"Didn't say."

"Maybe it's that transfer student... Alianna Conclamo, I'm supposed to tutor her; she's from some school in America… Harry look at this you have practice Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday. Hufflepuff has practice Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Ravenclaw has practice Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday. And Slytherin has practice Monday, Saturday, and Sunday. There isn't one day when everyone has off. Right now, if no Slytherins come, then the only day we have to practice is Sunday - and what if a Slytherin wants to come!" she asked, looking depressed.

Harry, who had picked up his essay again, set it aside and sighed heavily. He took the piece of paper from Hermione.

"I dunno Hermione; I guess we'll have to break it up. We'll have Sunday practice around the Slytherin Quidditch time and then we'll have two days during the week. Thursdays for Gryffindor, Slytherin, and Ravenclaw and those Hufflepuffs not on the team. Then Fridays for Gryffindor, Slytherin and Hufflepuff and those Ravenclaws not on the team. That's the only way I can figure."

The prospect of teaching three different DA lessons along with his Occlumency lessons and Quidditch practice, not to mention all the homework that he was going to have, was enough to make Harry wish he was away from back at the Dursley's. On second thought he really didn't have that much to do.

"I wonder where Ron and Ginny are…" he said.

"Um... what? Oh sorry Harry, what did you say?" she asked, looking up from her book. "This book is just so interesting."

"I was just wondering where Ron and Ginny might have gotten off to. There class should have been over ten minutes ago."

"Oh my! Well I bet they just went straight to dinner. I stopped here because it was on the way. Let's go to dinner and see if they're there."

They both gathered their stuff and headed to the Great Hall, where they found Ron sitting among four fifth year girls. The look on Hermione's face was priceless; Harry was familiar with three of the girls: Ginny, Luna and Tori Talons. The other girl whom Harry did not know looked surprisingly familiar.

"Harry! Hermione! We were just wondering where you two were," Ginny said, smiling at him and moving over so that Harry could seat between Ron and Ginny, and across from the new girl.

"Hermione, where have you been I've missed you," Ron said as he gave Hermione a feeble smile.

She smiled back, but only after noticing that the girls were just her friends. She took a seat on Ron's other side.

"How was Potions?" asked Hermione.

"Bloody fantastic" Ron said happily. "I think I might do well, without bloody Snape hovering over me, and we have it with Ravenclaw, so no Slytherins. I tell ya Hermione it's by far the best class! Except for the homework, I've already missed an essay about the theory of the Draught of Peace from Tuesday and now we have another one on it's effects."

Luna, Tori and Ginny nodded in agreement.

"So Gin, who's your friend?" asked Harry, nodding to the unknown girl.

"Oh, this is Alianna Conclamo. Alianna this is Hermione Granger," Ginny pointed to Hermione.

"Oh you're Alianna! Nice to meet you, I'm your tutor. Professor McGonagall said you're from America, is that right?" Hermione said excitedly.

"Yeah, and I don't need a tutor," said Alianna quietly.

"Oh well, Professor McGonagall thinks you do," Hermione told her, with just a touch of arrogance in her voice. "Hogwarts is very challenging and I'm top of the class."

"AND THIS," interrupted Ginny loudly, "is Harry, my boyfriend."

She smiled at Harry and grabbed his hand.

"Nice to meet you Alianna, how do you like Hogwarts so far?" asked Harry, waiting for the eyes to dart to his scar.

"It's nice," she said, simply smiling at him.

Harry was so surprised that she didn't make a big deal of meeting him, he was thrown off for a moment. He recovered quickly though.

"So Katie tells me your one heck of a flyer. I'm on the team, too - I play Seeker," he said, trying to make conversation.

Alianna just nodded.

"You're on the team?" exclaimed Ron. "Why didn't you tell me? I play Keeper!"

Alianna just shrugged.

"You don't talk much do you?" asked Hermione.

Alianna nodded.

"That's surprising, considering your name means 'one that shouts loudly'," Hermione said, eyeing Alianna with what could only be considered dislike.

"I talk when it's necessary. I don't just babble on like a know-it- all," Alianna said, coolly eyeing Hermione. "And I can't wait for our first practice."

"Well I wouldn't call my tutoring you 'practice', but trust me - I can't wait either," Hermione said, now shooting daggers at Alianna.

Harry looked from one girl to the other feeling the tension between them. He stole a glance at Ron and could see him looking at Hermione worriedly. Hermione may have been a know-it-all, but she wasn't one to sit back and take it from anyone.

"I meant Quidditch. Unlike you I don't have to make everything about me!" Alianna said, holding her ground.

Harry was just about to intervene when he heard an all too familiar sneer behind him.

"So met your twin, have you Potter?"

Harry gritted his teeth.

"Didn't I just hex you yesterday Malfoy?" Harry asked turning around. "Care to make it two days in a row?"

"Honestly Potter, when I first saw Harriett here I thought you had decided to dress as a girl to hide from the Dark Lord," Malfoy's joked, as his two goons, Crabbe and Goyle, laughed.

"What's your reason for dressing as a girl Malfoy? Your dad is friends with Voldemort, isn't he? Why'd you have to grow your hair so long, then?" taunted Tori.

"Why you little -"!" he started but was interrupted by Ron.

"Shove off Malfoy!" he said, standing up and pointing his wand at Malfoy's heart. "Why don't you just get away from here?"

"What's going on here?" said a new voice from behind Malfoy. "I thought I told you to leave this girl alone, Malfoy. You don't even know her."

"Stay out of it Akurse, this doesn't concern you!" sneered Malfoy.

"Get back to your seat, before I ban you from Quidditch for the rest of the year," said Akurse, pointing toward the Slytherin table. Malfoy threw him a dark glance and walked away; Akurse turned back toward the Gryffindors

"Sorry about that," he said, reaching his hand out to Harry. "I'm Adiann Akurse, new captain for the Slytherin team."

Harry took the hand, thinking that he never thought he would ever willingly shake hands with a Slytherin.

"Nice to meet you. Thanks for your help with the scheduling; Katie says you might come to the DA." Harry said feeling oddly strange talking about it out loud.

"Yeah well thought I might come to a meeting or two, find out all the hype. Most of my friends are in Ravenclaw and have been to meetings."

"Well you're welcome to come. We figure that because of Quidditch meetings, the meetings will be three days a week and you can come when you have the time; Thursdays, Friday', and Sundays."

"Sounds great, let me know when the first meeting is and I'll try and make it," Adiann replied, before saying his goodbyes and walking out of the Great Hall.

"Well that was new!" Ron said shaking his head. "Honestly, Slytherins being friendly to us? You just wait, next all the house elves will be knocking down Hermione's door to join spew!"

Ron whispered the last part so that only Harry could hear him. Harry shoved a mouthful of mashed potatoes into his mouth to keep from laughing.

That night Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Tori, and Alianna just sat by the fireplace and talked. They all asked Alianna a ton of questions which she answered quietly. When they finally headed up to bed Harry knew more about her and Americus, the school she had come from, than he'd ever want to know.

Harry went to bed feeling very tired. That night he again dreamt of the Demon Dad and Monster Mum, and this time it woke him up in the middle of the night. Harry got up and walked to the bathroom to clean himself up. When he went back to his four poster bed he found new sheets on his bed, which he climbed in to, pulling the hangings around him as he sat in the darkness, eyes wide open listening, to Evil Harry taunt him as he fought sleep.


	11. Push Back

**Harry Potter's Deepest Fears**

**Chapter 11 - Potions **

**Disclaimer: If you know you or what it is then it doesn't belong to me. I own Shanka and Devon. Heather owns Alianna, Adiann, Tori, and Tyler. The terms Whitelighter and charmed ones belong to the people of the TV show Charmed. The terms Slayer and Watcher belong to the people of Buffy. Everything else is J.K. Rowling's. **

**A/N: My story is connected to Purple Author's story Second Comings if you want more information on Alianna, Tori, Adiann, and Tyler goes to her story. It gives a different perspective of this story. **

**A/N: Ok for the second author's note I have to let you know that purple author helped me write part of this chapter. So it's hers too I guess. **

As the sun started shining through the window of the boys' dormitory,

Harry stood up and started dressing. He had the same dream

again that night and wondered why he had not had it the night before.

He was exhausted. Getting no sleep was taking its toll on him; passing the mirror on the wall near the loo, he saw great bags under his eyes. The circles were dark and puffy. He remembered that he had. The only thought that made him happy was that it was Friday and that he had Double Potions. Normally this would not have been cause for celebration, but the thought of a new teacher, a teacher as nice as Shanka seemed, caused Harry to be extremely excited. Harry finished dressing and, taking care so as not to wake his dorm mates, walked to the spiral staircase leading to the common room.

Harry had expected the common room to be deserted at this early hour, but when he came down he found Ginny hovering over a parchment, her quill going across quickly. He stood at the foot of the stairs watching her quietly. She was so hunched over that he could not see her face. Her hair was pulled up in to a messy bun on top of her head and she was still wearing her dressing gown.

As Harry watched her she set down her quill and stretched her hands above her head arching her back and letting out a deep sigh. As she did this, Harry saw that her eyes looked red and puffy. He thought about just leaving her be, but felt that as her boyfriend it was his job to cheer her up. Not wanting her to know he had been watching her, he walked over and tried to sound happy.

"Mornin' love, you're up a bit early aren't you? Working on homework?" he asked kissing the top of her head and making sure to close his eyes so that he could pretend he hadn't seen her crying.

"Harry, morning! NO - err- not homework. Just – nothing, it's nothing," she said as she urgently shuffled her parchments so that Harry could not see them.

Deciding that he wanted to know what was wrong, he sat down and brushed the falling strands of hair behind her ear.

"What's wrong Gin?" he asked quietly.

_Why do I always end up with the criers?_

_**Ever think it's you Potter?**_

_Shut it!_

She looked up at him not with sadness, but what Harry could only assume was anger.

"Nothing!" she said tersely.

Ginny turned back to her parchments, shuffling them more and picking up a huge book on potions.

"I really should work on this essay; I'm already three days behind everyone else and that's not good with my O.W.L.'s coming up. I'm fine," she said, then turned away from Harry, and began looking for a page in her book.

"Are you sure you're okay, love?" he asked again, trying to figure out why this girl, who wrote him a letter after her father had died professing her love to him, was pulling away. "If you're so 'fine' why are you pulling away from me, Ginny? Why pull away when it's so obvious that you need me!"

Harry had not meant to raise his voice but he could not help it. Ginny stopped writing and looked up at him. Her face was blank and Harry could not decide what she was thinking. They sat there for a long time staring at each other.

"I do need you, Harry," she finally whispered.

"Then talk to me Ginny! Why pull away?" he pleaded, his hands coming up and grabbing her wrists.

**_Told you Potter, she doesn't like you…_**

_SHOVE OFF! _

"LOOK AT YOU HARRY!" she yelled, her voice several decibels higher than normal. "Look at what you're doing. You're hurting me Harry! You're always angry, always shouting and yelling! You ATTACKED Dean! You left me there in that house. Left me and Ron in that house to deal with the Order! I needed you! I needed you there with me but you LEFT!"

By this time Ginny was crying; great tears were sliding down her face. Harry had let go of her wrists but he could see red marks were his grip had been too strong. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and hold her as she cried but was afraid that might set her off again.

"You you're the reason! You came into our lives and made us fall in love with you Harry, because it's just so easy to do! You're so lovable! And then - THEN… you dragged us into this mess, if it wasn't for you I'd still have them! They'd still be here!" Ginny's words were barely understandable beneath her sobs, but Harry heard her words and they felt like a stab in the chest.

_**Told you Potter, she hates you, blames you, and wishes it were you instead of her parents.**_

_SHUT UP! SHUT UP! She's just upset!_

"I needed your help Harry, but you ran way! Left when I needed you the most. Lured them in and then KILLED them and then left ME!" she stopped abruptly and looked at Harry through her tear strained eyes. Her mouth slightly open, she looked at Harry as though seeing him for the first time.

Harry could not believe what she was saying; he was torn between anger at her words and a deep sense of hurt that made him want to run away.

"Harry-" she said quietly, looking at him with her sad eyes. "Harry -please I - I didn't - didn't mean-" but Harry put his hand up. He needed to think and he couldn't do that with her babbling at him. He stood up and looked down at Ginny.

"Don't," he said. "You should finish your essay."

He turned to walk away.

"Harry w-wait please!" she begged

"I'll see you at lunch," he said, hoping he sounded normal.

As he left the common room he realized that it was still early and that classes wouldn't start for an another hour. Harry did not feel hungry but decided to go to breakfast anyway seeing as he didn't want to see Ginny. He began walking down the corridor towards the Great Hall. He was not looking where he was going, but instead paying attention to the row now raging in his head.

"_You're hurting me Harry!"_

_**See Potter; see how you hurt all those around you! **_

_SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!_

"SHUT UP!"

"I didn't say anything!" said a voice Harry did not recognize.

He looked up and found himself face to face with his 'twin'. He also realized that he had shouted the last part out loud. Harry was momentarily aware of what Alianna must be thinking of him at that precise moment.

**_She thinks your mental Potter; the thing is Potter, she's right!_**

"Err- sorry! It's not you," he said, trying to keep his voice from cracking.

"Really? It's someone or else you wouldn't be shouting," Alianna said tucking her hair behind her ear.

"No - err- honest it's nothing - err - it's no one," he said, losing the battle of trying to keep his voice from trembling.

Alianna turned to walk off with only what could be concern in her green eyes identical to those she was staring into. She stopped and turned back around.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," he said quietly, shrugging his shoulders.

"I'm not your girlfriend or your brother or your best friend, Hermione, or one of your longtime friends - so you don't have to hide from me" she told him. She dropped her voice below a whisper, and her last three words were spoken as soft as a feather. "Are you okay?"

Harry looked into her eyes. She was right; she wasn't connected to this at all. He didn't have to worry about her being mad at him for saying all that was on his mind. He let his head fall and felt the tears building behind his eyes, only standing here with this stranger he felt no need to stop himself from crying.

"No!" he said as the first few tears fell down his cheeks. "NO! Everything has gone horribly wrong ever since..." he choked on his words. "It's all gone to hell... Since S-S-Sirius-" he stopped, looking around wildly.

He looked up into the concerned face of Alianna. He could not tell her now, not here. Harry turned quickly, intent on putting as much space as possible between him and Alianna. He headed in the direction of the Room of Requirement.

"Harry!" she shouted.

It would have been a shout coming from anyone else, but from her it was a normal tone, though not normal for her. Harry could hear her footsteps gaining on him. He kept walking, nearly running. If he turned back and looked into her eyes he would be tempted to empty his soul to her.

"Leave me alone," he said simply continuing toward the Room of Requirement.

"You really don't want me to," she said. He felt her hand pull at his arm.

How is it she's so right? Harry thought. He whipped around trying to seem angry; it didn't work.

"I c-c-can't!" he cried. "Not here! Please!" he begged.

"Then let's go to where you can. I'm not leaving you."

What was at first a grip on his arm turned into a gentle touch. His first reaction was to jerk away, but she seemed so genuine that he nodded.

"We can go to the Room of Requirement. It's down the next floor."

She gave him a questioning look.

"J-Just follow me," Harry said.

"Okay," she said slowly and gave a smile.

They walked down to the corridor and Harry started pacing back and forth thinking of a place where he could talk and tell her everything. A place no one would disturb him, and that would allow him to make her understand.

She stood there looking at Harry pace with his face scrunched up thinking he was crazy.

"Harry, what on earth are you doing?" she asked.

He waved her off and a few minutes later a door materialized in front of her eyes.

He opened his eyes and opened the door for her. She gave another questioning look before turning to go into the room.

As they walked into the room Harry relaxed instantly. The room was much smaller than when they had DA. It had two large cushy loveseats that were surrounding a large fire place in which a roaring fire raged. The floor was a deep mahogany wood, the walls a deep red that seemed to make the room seem smaller and more inviting. On the end tables were silver frames that held his favorite pictures of his parents and Sirius. There were a few with Remus and even one with Wormtail in it. On the coffee table sat a large silver tray full of his favorite breakfast foods and two large flasks of pumpkin and orange juice. Harry went over to one of the loveseats and sank into the warmth. He motioned for Alianna to do the same.

Alianna made a sort of croaking sound like she was going to say something, but just sat down and took a piece of toast from the tray.

"Ok so we're here...where ever here is," she said, taking a bite of the toast with a weak smile. "Who is that? She's beautiful" asked Alianna, taking a picture of his mum waving at her with a bright smile.

Glad for the distraction Harry looked at the picture Alianna was holding. It was a picture of Harry's mother taken when she had been around eighteen. It was a beautiful summer's day and the sun shone off her hair; she was laughing and waving at Harry and Alianna whom had sat down across from Harry.

"That's my mum," he smiled sadly.

"She's beautiful. You have her-"

"- eyes. Yes I do." Harry finished for her.

He wasn't quite sure how to continue. Sitting here now eating a bit of dry toast he couldn't think how to begin to tell her how guilty he felt but yet how angry he was at Ginny for blaming him.

His mother's and Alianna's eyes were staring into his own from across the coffee table.

"Okay, you can talk to me. We don't have to sit here and stare. I'm not Ginny or Ron or Hermione. I'm not going to burst out crying and start hitting you either." she added with a smile.

He couldn't help but laugh. The laughing seemed to release a great pressure that he didn't know he was holding in. Harry stretched and while doing so saw a picture of Sirius. The smile died on his face. The picture was taken last Christmas, in it Harry and Sirius were dressed in their Christmas best; Sirius's arm was thrown around Harry and they were laughing. He picked it up and looked at Alianna.

"Do you know who this is?" he asked softly.

"No, I don't think so," she said looking intently at the picture.

Probably any moment an old news flash of a murderer will come to mind,

Harry thought.

"This was my Godfather, Sirius Black," Harry waited for the recognition.

Harry was shocked he said the name with such calm.

"You look happy there. You loved him?" she smiled warmly.

That did it; Harry felt the tears build behind his eyes. He tried to speak up, but all that came out was a strangled cry and the tears flooded over his eye lids.

"It's okay," She kept her smile even though Harry felt like he was breaking down. "That's all that's important. He loved you back. You know that."

Harry took a great sniff and looked into her eyes.

"Yeah he loved me! And I killed him! Me and my foolishness! I killed him, the only person - WHY? I killed them all!"

All Harry's anger and frustration was poured into his words; the tears flew from his eyes in great droplets.

"You didn't kill them."

It was such a simple statement, but had great meaning coming from her who didn't even know him.

"Ginny thinks I did. She knows it's my fault she doesn't have parents and I know Ron thinks the same thing. They blame me! They act like I wanted them dead!" Anger and sadness raged inside him. "I didn't want any of them dead. Cedric, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, S-S-Sirius, m-m-my p-p-parents, I'd give anything to have them all back!" he sobbed.

"They're only covering their hurt. They are hurting just like you. They just don't know what to do with it. Blaming a Death Eater is not enough to make the pain they feel subside. They want something they can see to let it out with," A tear fell down Alianna's cheek. "I know you would."

Harry looked at her through his tears and saw her own.

"Who've you lost?" he asked sadly.

Almost like a water fall hit her, her face became solemn and all the color left it.

"Everyone," she said weakly.

Harry looked up at her. She understands what it's like. She knows how it feels to lose everyone you love.

"I'm sorry," was all he could think to say. Here he was crying his bloody eyes out to a stranger when she didn't even have the type of friends Harry had.

_**You're losing them though Potter. One by one they're getting killed off.**_

"NO," Harry shouted without realizing it.

"Harry what? You eyes are...are so distant."

Harry looked up at her as though just realizing she was there. It seemed he had gone into a trance like state while listing to Evil Harry.

"Evil Harry," he whispered so softly that it was barely audible.

"Evil...evil H-Harry?" Her face was tear-lined by now.

Harry's heart thumped in his chest. He couldn't explain to her exactly what Evil Harry was; he didn't much know himself. He looked up at her panic written on his face.

"Err- It's um- that voice in your head that um- tells you things; tells me that I'm to blame," Harry hung his head, and then just as quickly stood up. "I have to go. I'm sorry to bother you!" he said madly, walking away from Alianna and towards the door.

"Harry wait please don't go. You can't handle this on your own!" She reached out to take the door knob, but retracted when she saw his hand there.

"But that's the worst of it Alianna!" he yelled. "It's mine to handle.

It's all me, I'm the one he wants I'm the one that has to end it. It will always be like that. Either I kill him or- or he kills me!"

Harry looked horrified. He hadn't even told Ginny, Ron and Hermione about the prophecy yet and here he was blabbing to the new girl.

She gasped and put her hand up to her mouth. She understood everything.

She had figured out the whole thing with Harry even explaining the details.

"Oh Harry..." she said lower than a whisper.

"He's going to keep coming, and killing them until he gets me. What if it's Ron or Hermione next? What if it's Ginny?" he said sounding horrified. "They're right Alianna, it is my fault, if I wasn't - me- he'd never bother with any of them!"

"Harry...Harry..." she just couldn't seem to find words. "You can't blame yourself for being...Y-Yourself!"

"YES I CAN! I've tried to leave. To make them not be my friends. To push them away right before Mrs. Weasley died but Ginny wouldn't have it and now -" he gave a strangled kind of half-laugh, half-sob. "-now she's pushing me away and I can't - I need her. I think I'm losing my mind and I can't lose her Alianna I can't!" Harry grabbed her shoulders shaking her slightly. His eyes wild and mad were nearly bulging out of his head.

Alianna's face broke into fear at his touch, but softened just as quick.

"Then tell her..."

"I tried! I found her writing a letter to someone but she wouldn't tell me who and she was crying, and I tried to comfort her to help her and she just pushed me away blamed me and... and..." but Harry wasn't sure how to finish. He had spoken very quickly and it seemed to have drained him of all his energy. His breathe was coming harder and faster. it seemed to take him too much energy to get not enough air.

"Then push back Harry! Tell her the truth or this is never going to end...okay, Harry you need to breathe," Alianna said, seeing that he was gasping for air.

Harry looked at her and took a couple deep breaths.

"Push back." he repeated. "What if she won't listen?" he asked.

"If she loves you...she'll listen," Alianna's eyes burned with truth.

Harry would never tell anyone this but his fear was that she really didn't love him.

Harry thanked Alianna and headed to the dungeons just in time for Potions.


	12. Class, Growing up, and Dinner

**Harry Potter's Deepest Fears**

**Chapter 12 – Classes, growing up, and dinner**

**Disclaimer: Same as always...**

**A/N: Go read purpleauthor's story Second Commings it's on my favorites page and is interconnected with this story. That is all for now, please read, enjoy, and then review... go on it's not hard, just push that little botton.**

By the time Harry made it down to the dungeons he was already late for Potions. Harry said a silent prayer that Snape was not teaching and pushed open the door.

"Mr. Potter, I was getting worried," said Professor Nosizwe, smiling at him kindly. "Please take a seat."

Harry did as he was told and hurried to the back of the classroom to sit next to Hermione. Malfoy flashed him a wicked grin and raised his hand.

"Yes, Mr. Malfoy?" asked the new teacher.

"Professor, shouldn't Potter get some sort of punishment for being late?" he asked in his usual sneer.

"Mr. Malfoy, I'm not sure how things worked in this class before but we are here to learn not try to get or fellow classmates in trouble," she said with her kind smile still fixed on her face. "Five points, Mr. Malfoy and please try to mind your own business."

Harry sat up smiling and stole a glance at Hermione; she looked pleasantly pleased but had an underlying look of concern on her face as she mouthed 'where were you?' to Harry. He waved her off and turned his full attention to Professor Nosizwe.

"Today we will be covering the Draught of Living Death. Can anyone tell me what this potion does?"

Hermione's hand shot up, but with it was several others, including Harry's. He still remembered the first potions class in which Snape had questioned him on two of the ingredients in the potion.

"Well, Mr. Potter seems to be prepared," she said, looking not at Harry but at Malfoy who had not raised his hand. "Go on Mr. Potter."

"The Draught of Living Death is a potion that puts you into a death like sleep," he said knowingly.

Beside him Hermione put her hand down with a small 'humph'. He looked over and smiled at her. He could tell she was not happy to not have been the only person to know the answer.

"Very good, Mr. Potter. Ten points to Gryffindor," she said, her smile still firmly in place. "Now who can tell me the two main ingredients of this potion?"

Harry, again with most of the class, raised his hand. However this time she chose the boy from dinner the night before, Adiann Akurse.

"Yes, Adiann?"

"The two main ingredients for the Draught of Living Death are powdered root of asphodel and an infusion of wormwood."

"Very good! Ten points to Slytherin."

For the rest of the lesson they took notes on the ingredients and steps involved in making the Draught of Living Death. Although it was slow work and Harry's hand was cramping by the end, he thought that making the potion would be a lot easier after spending an hour learning the steps.

"Alright class, that's all for today. I want a 24-inch parchment by next class on the ingredients, effects and steps to making this potion. We will brew them next class."

Everyone started to pack up there bags and file out. Harry was just putting away his ink when Hermione looked at him sternly.

"Well?"

"Err- well what?"

"Where were you?"

"Oh, Ginny and I had a fight; I went to think."

"You two fought again? What happened this time?"

"Nothing Hermione I don't wanna talk about it."

Hermione looked like she wanted to say more but thought twice and started to head out of the class.

"Harry, child, a word?" asked Professor Nosizwe.

"Sure, I'll meet you there Hermione," he called after her.

"Harry, have you thought about when would be the best time for Occlumency?"

"Oh, yeah. I thought Tuesdays? If that's alright with you, Professor."

"Fine with me child; Tuesdays it is. How about seven o'clock, child, is that alright with you?" she asked, smiling at him.

Harry nodded and thanked her and headed for Transfiguration. He was really starting to like Professor Nosizwe. When Harry finally walked into Transfiguration he was ten minutes late.

"Mr. Potter, why is it that you are late for my class," she asked looking her usual sternness.

"Sorry, Professor McGonagall; Professor Nosizwe needed to speak with me," he said, taking a seat next to Ron.

"Very well then Mr. Potter but please try to handle business with other teachers on their time, not mine. Now as I was saying class, we will be covering human transfigurations this year."

For the rest of the class they took notes on Animagi. After class Harry, Ron and Hermione headed to the Great Hall for lunch. They were sitting down at the end near the staff table. Harry was half eating his beef stew but kept yawning great huge yawns.

"Harry, are you alright?" Hermione asked. "You seem so out of it. If you're still worried about your fight with Ginny -"

"You and Ginny had another fight?" Ron interrupted. "I have to warn you that, as the older brother, fighting with my sister is not getting you any points with me."

"Ron, I don't need points with you you're my best mate," said Harry, stifling another yawn. "Does Ginny have two classes this afternoon?" he asked trying to change the subject.

"No, she only has one, Care of Magical Creatures right after lunch, but she's off till dinner after that - and stop trying to change the subject Harry," scolded Hermione.

"I'm not changing the subject Hermione… I want to talk to Ginny about our fight. Honest I'm fine just a bit tired," he tried to give a smile but instead yawned again.

After exchanging a dark look, Ron and Hermione seem to think it best to drop the subject.

"So what are you two doing this afternoon, while I'm at Ancient Runes and Arithmancy?" asks Hermione after a bit.

"I have to catch up on my homework," said Ron without any preamble.

Harry nearly spat out all of his pumpkin juice and Hermione stared at Ron as though only seeing him for the first time.

"What have you done with Ron?" asked Harry.

"Oh shut up you two, I'm already three days behind everyone else. I've missed a potions lesson and essay already and this is my one chance to do well in that class, not to mention I've missed an essay in Astronomy and all three of us have missed one in Transfiguration and Herbology already, plus we have -"

"Ronald, hush," said Hermione smiling at him. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek picked up her books, looked down at him once more, and then preceded to burst into tears and run out of the hall.

"Well honestly! What was that about?" asked Ron looking perplexed.

Harry didn't respond but picked but a piece of bread began eating with a new enthusiasm, thinking that however crazy life got they really were growing up and Ron had just proved that.

After lunch Ron and Harry took to the library and started to work on all the essays and assignments they had missed over the past week. They sat at a table near the back and began to tackle one essay after another. By the time Ginny was done with Care of Magical Creatures, Harry had finished his essay on Vampires for Professor Aingeal, his essay on venomous tentaculas for Professor Sprout, and had nearly completed the essay on Animagi for Professor McGonagall. Harry was quite pleased with himself for getting a lot of his homework done before the weekend. When he heard the booming bell toll to sound the end of the first afternoon lesson Harry packed up his bag.

"Where are you going? You haven't finished have you?" asked Ron, sounding very much like Hermione.

"No, I haven't - but I told you I'm going to go talk to Ginny," said Harry, as he swung his bag over his shoulder. Ron looked like he was going to protest but Harry stopped him. "Listen, I need to talk with her and tonight is out of the question because we are having our first DA meeting. I just changed my coin so all the others should know but if you can try and get some new people to come, maybe you and Hermione can talk with the first years, and I should try to find Adiann."

"Who?" asked Ron.

"Adiann- the Slytherin Quidditch captain?"

Ron nodded his understanding as Harry headed off to find Ginny.

He first headed to the front doors and saw a bunch of students coming up from Hagrid's hut. Harry waited in the corner until he was sure Ginny was among the group of students. When she came up next to him, he intercepted her and taking her by the arm led her to a passageway concealed behind a picture that led to the corridor of the Room of Requirement. Harry hoped that the room was still as it had been when he and Alianna came up here earlier. Harry did not stop to explain or even look at Ginny he just pulled her by the hand up the stairs.

"Harry stop where are you taking me?"

Harry stopped in the middle of the stair case and looked at Ginny. Her normally pale face was flushed and her eyes were rimmed in red. Her hair was pulled up into a messy ponytail and she looked very tired.

**_Look what you've done to her Potter. She looks like Hell._**

_Not listening_

**_Then why'd you answer you always listen to me Potter, you always will. Don't forget I AM YOU!_**

"Harry?" her voice brought him out of the trance. It was getting harder and harder to push that evil voice out. Harry flinched when her hand came up and touched his cheek. "Harry what's wrong, your eyes, they – they left you…"

Looking at her Harry, felt an amorous weight on his heart. He wanted to let her leave him. He wanted to protect her, he just couldn't.

"Do you love me Ginny?" he asked, resting his forehead on hers.

They were standing sideways on the stairwell she was leaning against the wall and his back touched the other wall. In the tight space, even with them fighting, Harry could not help but notice how close her body was to him. Ginny did not answer for a few minutes but rubbed his back as they held each other. Finally she raised her head and looked into his eyes.

"Yes, Harry I love you so much -" she paused.

"But-"

"But I – I dunno Harry! I'm upset over Mum and Dad and I know that you would never want them hurt but in the back of my mind I just can't help but think that if we never knew you then- Harry I'm sorry, okay! I can't help it what I think subconsciously."

Harry's head fell to his chest the tears were burning the back of his eyes but he fought them not wanting to cry in front of her.

"Harry look at me!" she put her hand under his chin and made him look up at her. "I love you, but right now I am upset and hurt and angry at you and I am sorry. I know that you need me and Ron and Hermione right now and I am going to try to be there when ever you need me, but right now I just need some space. I came down into the common room that early so that I could write by myself, I was trying to find some private time and I thought that if I got up early enough I could find some. I'm not trying to push you away Harry, I just needed to think."

"Who were you writing to?" asked Harry, looking at her with sad eyes.

"I was writing a letter to Mum and Dad, Harry. It's my way of saying goodbye."

Harry instantly felt like a git.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Let's just do this if you need to talk to me, tell me, okay? If something is bothering you, let me know and I'll try to help you, and if anything is bothering me I promise I'll tell you. Okay?"

Harry nodded and looked up at her again, even ruffled with her hair a mess and her lack of sleep evident, she looked so beautiful. Harry leaned in and kissed her softly and to his immense relief she kissed him back.

He grabbed her hand and they started back off toward the common room, Harry no longer wanting to go to the Room of Requirement.

"There is going to be a DA meeting tonight," he said as they walked hand in hand.

"Great! Tori and Luna will be so excited; they love DA meetings."

"You should invite Alianna."

"I think Tori already did, but I'll mention something."

Their conversation on the way to the common room was forced, but pleasant. It seemed both of them wanted nothing more than to put the fight behind them.

When they arrived in the common room they found Ron telling off a couple of first years for giggling too loudly while he was trying to work. Harry tried to hold in his laughter but found it harder than he thought it would be.

"Ron, you really are turning into Hermione you know that?" said Ginny for the tenth time twenty minutes later.

"What's so bad about that?" smiled Hermione as she slumped down in her chair.

"How was class, Mione?" asked Ron, his ears still bright red.

"Fine, got lots of homework though; I'm so glad there is nothing to do tonight."

"Err… yeah - about that Hermione. I planned a DA meeting for this evening."

"Well there goes my weekend," she said, not smiling anymore.

"Speaking of the DA meeting I need to go tell Professor Aingeal about it and see if I can find Adiann and tell him about it. Maybe Professor Nosizwe can get a message to him for me."

Harry unwound his arm from around Ginny's waist and stood up.

"We'll see you at dinner then?" asked Ginny smiling at him.

"Err- actually Gin, will you meet me in the Room of Requirement in about an hour?" asked Harry, checking his watch.

"In an hour? Harry we'll mis

s dinner!"

"Please?" he asked again, trying his best to do puppy dog eyes.

"Alright, see you in an hour then."

"Thanks love," he bent down and kissed her long enough to make Hermione tut.

Then Harry walked out of the portrait hole and headed to Professor

Aingeal's office.

Harry knocked three times and waited. Nothing. The door was slightly cracked and he heard voices.

"Professor?" he said, although not that loudly.

"Cliodna -" said a slightly familiar voice.

"Don't! Don't that person is dead and I will not have you call me that."

"Sorry, it's only what I've called you since we were kids..."

"Well, you've gone fifteen years without calling me that so just forget that person; forget that name..."

"Whatever you say," the voice paused. "So have you told him?"

"Yeah right, are you mad? 'Hi Harry I was suppose to be your Godmother' - not the best start of a conversation. I'm not telling him, I don't want him to know. Like I said, that woman is dead. Plus it would lead to a lot of unwanted questions."

"Devon you should talk to him."

"NO! Now that's enough. Hold on a minute, I think I hear something."

Harry had frozen at the sound of his name. He knew from experience that eavesdropping could lead to trouble and he quickly ducked behind painting that lead to another hidden passageway.

Professor Aingeal came out into the hall looking left and then right frowning. She walked over to the painting were Harry was hidden and brushed the hidden handle. Harry held his breath, praying she would just go back into her office. A moment later, shaking her head, she walked back into the office shutting the door with an echoing thunk behind her.

Harry slumped down to the stairs.

_It could be another Harry._

_**Yeah right Potter, it could; not everything is about you. **_

But what about that why she reacted in Dumbledore's office? She was upset about Sirius. Maybe they knew each other maybe they were… together?

_**Potter, get up off your arse and get a move on you have too much to do not everything is about you. **_

_Will you just leave me alone!_

**_Stop your whining we've been through this before. _**

Harry stood there for a minute breathing hard and thoughts flying through his head. After a few minutes in walked back into the corridor and knocked on the door of Professor Aingeal's office. She opened the door looking cheerful, but her face fell when she saw him.

"Ah Mr. Potter, to what do I owe this pleasure?" she asked coolly.

"I just wanted to let you know, Professor, that the first DA meeting will be tonight at seven."

"I see, have you decided on any other meeting dates?"

"Every Sunday, Thursday and Friday. All meetings at seven unless otherwise indicated."

"What are you doing about the fact that only 4th years and above are allowed out after seven?"

"Err- last year none of us were allowed, so we just snuck out," said Harry, wishing he hadn't a moment after he did.

Aingeal gave a small laugh and smiled a true, genuinely nice smile.

"Your father would have loved that about you," she said as she smiled.

Harry, sensing an innocent opportunity to bring up his father and Sirius, seized the chance.

"Did you know them?" Professor Aingeal it seemed would not be fooled that easily.

"We were in school together, your father was known by everyone. I may stop by tonight, where do you hold meetings?" Harry wanted to ask more about his father but decided not to push the issue, yet.

"We hold it in a room opposite a tapestry showing Barnabas the Balmy trying to teach trolls to dance the ballet, on the seventh floor."

"The Room of Requirement?"

"Err - yeah." said Harry looking at his teacher with curiosity.

"Very well then, I may stop by tonight," she replied in her normal clipped tone was nothing more than a dismissal.

Harry started walking toward the Great Hall hoping to find Adiann before going to make his plans for Ginny. While he walked he thought of how Professor Aingeal kept changing in his mind from female Snape to a teacher nearly as likeable as Remus. Harry was not watching where he was going, and once he reached the entrance hall he walked right into Malfoy, knocking them both to the ground.

"I'm sorr- oh it's you," said Harry standing up.

"Potter! Watch where you're going, you filthy Muggle lover."

"Malfoy I really don't want to curse you today, I have a lot to do." said Harry dully.

**_I do I do. Let me curse him, you know what? Better yet, I'll just punch him_**.

_You be quiet!_

**_You can't keep me locked in here forever, your emotions are brimming, and secretly you want me to hit him. _**

_Shut it!_

"Earth to Potter! I know you're crazy but try and stick with the living here."

"Get out of my way, Malfoy."

"Make me."

"Fine!" Harry pulled out his wand quickly but Malfoy was ready for him.

"Furnunculus!"

Harry dogged out of the way just in time and the spell hit a second year girl who was just passing by. Her face was instantly covered in huge boils. She screamed and cried as her friends tried to calm her down and Malfoy laughed loudly.

**_That's it Potter! Move over. _**

Harry felt his mind being pushed to the side and could only watch in horror as he strode over to Malfoy grabbed his robes and pulled him off the ground. He felt his hand clench into a fist and his arm pull back.

"What's going on here!" said a girl's voice.

Harry shook his head and looked at himself, his hand was still pulled back and clenched in a tight fist, and he still had Malfoy in the air.

Harry instantly let go of him and he fell to the ground in a clump.

Crabbe and Goyle, taking another look at Harry, picked Malfoy up and started carrying him down the stairs to the dungeons. Harry stood there looking at his hands and shaking his head. He had lost control. Harry hated to think what would have happened had it not been for… he turned around and saw Katie staring at him wide eyed.

"Harry, are you trying to get kicked off the team! Honestly. You know I can't stand Malfoy either but that's how you got banned last time!" she shook her head at him.

"Sorry Katie, I don't know what came over me."

"Listen Harry, I know you're on edge and all, what with what happened last year and stuff, but you need to relax. First Dean, now Malfoy; you can't go picking fights like this."

"I know Katie. Sorry."

"No problem… look I was just headed for dinner, but I saw my coin and I told Adiann about the meeting. I hope that's okay."

"No that's perfect! Thanks Katie."

"No problem, I also wanted to tell you that our first practice is this Saturday at noon."

"Sounds good," Harry checked his watch "Listen Katie, thanks again but I got to go. I'll see you tonight at the meeting."

"Alright Harry, bye."

Harry hurried off to the kitchens to make his plans.

At exactly 5:30 the door opened and Harry heard a sharp intake of breath.

Ginny looked around the room, her mouth opened in a slightly surprised look. Her eyes traveled over everything and Harry suppressed a laugh.

He was feeling giddy, he had outdone himself and the room looked amazing. Harry watched as Ginny walked around the room taking everything in. He quite liked being concealed by the invisibility cloak, simply for the fact he got to watch her face brighten with each step she took.

The walls were covered in deep red cloth, the floor was the same mahogany from this morning, but instead of love seats there was a small table set for two with golden plates and goblets and red cloth napkins the same color as the walls. There was a chilled bottle of butterbeer sitting on the table and hundreds of white candles hung above casting the room in a light glow and giving the room a warm cozy feel. On the floor were hundreds of red rose petals. Ginny stepped carefully over them trying her hardest not to step on them but there were simply too many.

_Now for phase two._

Ginny stopped in front of the fire place which was currently empty and looked at the mantle.

Harry had put pictures of the two of them on the mantle and they waved at Ginny as she smiled at them.

Harry slipped out of the cloak and walked silently over to where she stood.

"Alterum cenatoria," He whispered.

In an instant Ginny's school clothes were gone, replaced by a strapless dark green dress that wrapped around her body. It was a short dress that was slightly longer in the back and seemed to flair out slightly in its gentle ruffles. Her hair took it upon its self to twist into thousands of tight curls that looped themselves on top of her head and fell down her back.

She gave another small gasp as she noticed her change in clothes and looked at her new dress her hands running up to feel her hair.

The fire place sprang to life and she gave another tiny gasp as she finally turned around and came face to face with a dress robe clad Harry.

"Welcome to dinner love."


	13. Dinner and the DA

**Harry Potter's Deepest Fears**

**Chapter 13 – Dinner and the DA**

**Disclaimer – Same as always.**

**A/N: Check out my LJ journal if y'all want... http: have to give a big shout out to Jenna for being a terrific beta-reader! I don't know what I'd do with out her so in honor…. Go check out her amazing fan fiction… Year seven: …. Which is a sequel to Year Six, which you should also read. **

**Another shameless plug and I am done I swear…. Go check out purple author's story Second Comings, which is actually connected with this story… so there I'm done…, go read! Then Review!**

"Oh my goodness! Harry this is amazing! I can't believe you did all this!" said Ginny as she threw her arms around Harry's neck and hugged him. She pulled back from him, her arms still around his neck and looked at him quizzically. "Harry how did you do all this… why?"

"Well the room did most of it and Dobby helped with the food, and I did it because I love you," he looked at her seriously. "I love you more than anything, Gin."

Ginny leaned into him and gave him a long, slow, deep kiss. Harry ran his hand down her back and pulled her to him devouring her with just the kiss. When they finally pulled apart, Ginny had tears in her eyes.

"Gin, what's wrong?" Harry asked, slightly alarmed.

"I am the biggest prat in the world!" and then she burst into sobs.

Harry held her, thoroughly perplexed as to the working of girls, thinking that Hermione really should write a book.

"I am so sorry we had that stupid fight, I can't believe I said those things to you. Harry I'm-"

"Ginny, love, stop. It's fine, I know you didn't mean it," he interrupted.

A half an hour later, tears dried, they sat eating a delicious dinner served by none other than Dobby himself.

"Can Dobby get anything else for Harry Potter, sir?" he squeaked as they eat their dessert.

"No thanks, Dobby," said Harry wishing the house-elf would leave him and Ginny alone. He needed to talk to her in private.

"Anything else for Harry Potter's girlfriend, miss?" he asked Ginny, bowing deeply.

"No, no thank you Dobby," she said smiling.

Dobby bowing deeply once more scrambled to a picture on the wall and hurried threw it out of sight.

"Ginny, I need to tell you something."

"Oh Harry, you're not breaking up with me are you? I am really, really, really sorry about this morn-"

"Ginny would you stop, please love, I'm not breaking up with you." He interrupted her rambling.

Harry grabbed her hand across the table, his heart thumping in his chest. He had run over a thousand scenarios in his head on how she would react to the news of the prophecy but he was not prepared at all. Harry looked at the table and waited.

"Harry, what is it?" she asked softly.

"Do you remember the prophecy?" he asked without looking up.

"Yes, it smashed," she said very slowly.

"Yeah it did."

"Harry, are you okay?"

"No," he finally looked up at her. "It smashed but I know what it said. Dumbledore was the one whom it was made to, so he was able to remember it. He told me what it said."

Ginny looked surprised and curious.

"What did it say Harry?" her voice did not sound like its own; it was distant and small, she sounded afraid.

"_The one with the power to vanquish the dark lord approaches... Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies...and the dark lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the dark lord knows not..._" he said from memory, where it had been etched forever; his voice caught on the last part. "_...and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives..._"

Harry sat looking into Ginny's eyes; she had not moved a muscle since he had told her. He became slightly worried. She just sat there staring at him, but not really looking at him.

"Gin?"

She blinked once and a single tear traveled down her cheek, taking a lifetime to fall to her chin. Harry stood and pulled her into a fierce hug, she clung on to him as though her life depended on the person standing in front of her.

When the door to the Room of Requirement opened, neither of them moved; they stood in the same spot holding onto each other tightly. The small square of bright light that was cast into the room stung Harry's eyes. He looked up through his own drying tears to find Ron and Hermione staring at the two of them, perplexed. Hermione, being the diplomatic sort, closed the door and gave them a few more moments together.

As the room grew dark again lit only by the candles hanging above their heads Harry pulled back from the hug.

"Harry- I – I'm not sure what to say," she said shakily.

"There is nothing to say Gin, I haven't told anyone; not even Ron and Hermione. I wanted you to be the first to know."

"I'm glad you told me."

"So am I," Harry used his thumbs to wipe away her tears and tried to smile at her. "Now let's get out of here and change the room before everyone knows what a romantic guy I really am."

"You wish," she laughed.

Harry muttered two more changing spells and they were instantly returned to their normal clothes. They opened the door and slipped out to find Ron and Hermione trying to hold off Seamus, Dean, Neville and Luna along with several other DA members.

"The room is not quite ready yet!" hollered Harry over the top of their heads. "Will you three help me think up the room? I think we need a larger one this time."

Ron, Hermione and Ginny nodded. Ginny grabbed Harry's hand and began walking back and forth thinking of the perfect room for DA practice. Moments later the door changed from a deep mahogany to a light brown. Harry opened it and found the room from last year, only it was twice as big.

The group of students who were waiting behind them filed in, by seven-fifteen the room was packed. Harry felt like he might throw up any minute. All the members that were in the DA last year who had not graduated were standing in a small group to the right of Harry. Harry saw Alianna standing between Tori and Ginny and gave her a small wave and a smile. He glanced around the room and saw that the newcomers were grouped into smaller groups according to houses.

"Well this won't work." He mumbled. "Okay, everyone listen up!"

Over the dull roar that filled the room, Harry sounded small and weak.

"Hermione!"

"Yes Harry?" she said at once.

"Do you know how to do a Sonorus charm?"

"Oh, yes! Here. _Sonorus_." she said pointing her wand at his throat.

"EVERYONE LIS-" Harry stopped mid-sentence, not realizing his voice would be quite so loud. He tried again.

"Everyone, listen up!" he said again this time loud enough to be heard but not so loud as to scare the small children. "For those of you returning from last year: welcome back. For those of you that are new: welcome. Dumbledore seems to think it is a good idea to continue our little club, and we have permission to do it this year, so no worries about who you tell. Professor Aingeal might be stopping by to oversee our progress."

He paused. They were all staring at him waiting for him to give instructions but Harry wasn't quite sure were to go from, last year there had been a lot less people. He was also concerned that they seemed reluctant to leave their houses.

"Okay, let's see. How about we break into -"

"Teams" said a new voice.

Harry whipped around to see Professor Aingeal leaning on the door jam smiling. She was wearing clothes a Muggle might wear to work out in. She had on track pants that said 'Witchcraft Prep' up the side in dark purple lettering and a t-shirt the same color. She also had on a track jacket that also said 'Witchcraft Prep' across the front in the same color purple. The whole of the new DA turned to stare at their eccentric new professor.

"Right Harry? Break up the houses and firm new teams, get some unity going on?" she said with another small smile.

Harry stared at her and for a moment; as she leaned against door jam like that, with her arms crossed over her chest casually, and the slight smirk that not only played across her lips, but danced in her eyes, he was reminded of Sirius.

"Err - yeah, yeah that's good. We need to break into teams." his mind reeling.

They needed teams. With another glance at his professor, Harry walked into the center of the room.

"This is the way it's going to work: we will have four teams, each team will have a captain from a different house."

Harry saw the houses instantly get closer to one another.

"The captain will pick any person he or she wants on their team, with only one rule: You cannot pick someone from your house. Then that person will pick the next person, but they can't pick someone from their house, and so on. Make sense?"

There was a general murmuring of approval, and with another glance at Aingeal Harry continued.

"Let's see, who should the captains be?" Harry wanted the captains to be students from last year who were good at Defense so that they could help the others. "Neville you're the captain for the…err… the orange team," Harry said thinking of the first color to come to mind as he pointed at Neville and beckoned him to the middle.

"M-m-me?" said Neville, looking petrified. "What about you Harry?"

"I'm going to oversee so I won't be on a team."

Neville looked at Harry with questioning eyes and then walked to the middle of the room and stood tall. In the next instant Neville's school clothes were gone replaced by a track suit just like Aingeal's, except that the wording and the under shirt were orange instead of purple. The words across the front didn't say 'Witchcraft Prep' but said 'Dumbledore's Army'. Harry smiled and stole another glance at Aingeal who gave him the smallest wink.

"Okay next, err… Luna you're the captain for the… err…" Harry couldn't think of another non-school color.

"Pink," said Luna dreamily walking to the middle, her clothes instantly changing as she walked. Harry saw that on the back of the jacket it said 'Captain Pink' and he was sure Neville's said the same.

"Okay, yeah that works, now let's see." Harry scanned the remaining original DA member's, looking for a Hufflepuff to be captain. "Susan."

She looked startled at first to be called upon, but immediately walked to the middle with Neville and Luna.

"Pick a color."

"Oh, um… white?" instantly she was changed into the black track suit with a white shirt and white lettering.

Harry glanced around; he needed a Slytherin but there were none from last year He quickly looked for Adiann, spotting him in the back with a couple other Slytherins, surprising Harry.

"Adiann," called Harry.

Adiann walked up and shook Harry's hand again.

"Thanks for coming, Adiann."

"Thanks for inviting me, so what do you need, a color? Let's see… how about brown?"

Harry smiled and nodded and Adiann was transferred into the black and brown track suit.

"Alright…I guess we start the picking."

"One second Harry… one more thing to take care of."

Harry looked questioningly at Professor Aingeal. She waved her wand and Harry had on an exact copy of her tract suit he noticed that hers had also changed; it now said 'Dumbledore's Army' like the others. She turned around and he saw that on the back it said 'monitor'. Harry looked over his shoulder and saw that his said 'teacher'. He instantly felt a surge of gratitude toward his professor.

"Alright, how about you start Neville? Pick any person as long as they are not from Gryffindor and if you don't know their name, then just point and ask them."

"Okay, err… Hannah." he said pointing at Hannah Abbott, a Hufflepuff whose clothes were instantly changed to the orange and black track suit.

It went on until everyone was separated amongst the four teams. Harry thought it worked out very well considering that four Slytherins came and each was on a different team. Ginny had ended up on the brown team with Alianna, while Ron and Tori were on the pink team, neither liking that fact; Hermione was on the white team.

When everyone had been divided into teams Harry walked over to Professor Aingeal who was once again leaning on the door jam.

"Thank you, Professor."

"I peeked in to see how the turn out would be and was impressed with your size; thought I'd offer my services since I see as you have your hands full. Just promise me one thing Harry."

"What's that?"

"Before you go off on any more rescue missions, find me and tell me," she gave him another small smile and the tiniest of winks. "So what are you starting with?"

"I really don't know. Last year we were covering Patronuses, but a lot of these people weren't here last year and it doesn't seem fair to make everyone learn something they already know," Harry looked to Professor Aingeal for help.

"My suggestion is a review session, have the older students and the previous DA members refresh their brains by helping the younger and new students learn the beginner spells. Have the team leaders set up small teaching groups and you and I can walk around and help those who really need it. Working together like this, we can have last year covered in two sessions."

"Alright, that sounds good."

Harry relayed this to the teams and set off to work. Harry walked around commenting on how to better do certain spells and Aingeal walked the opposite way commenting on the proper technique to do the spells. By nine o'clock they had nearly covered the spells from the previous year, and although not all the new DA members were terribly terrific at any of the spells, they at least knew them.

"Okay, everyone, that was the first lesson. If you're not grasping the easier spells look for someone on your team that maybe able to help you so that you can better know them for the next meeting. Also any new DA members who were not part of our group from last year make sure you get a coin; they tell you when the next meeting will take place. Hermione will be standing by the door, handing them out as you leave. Lastly, before you go I was thinking that your team is going to be very important for up coming lessons. Try to get to know those on your teams, they may not all be in your house or your year, but they are your extended family and you need to come together while in the DA."

Colin Creevy was waving his hand madly in the back.

"Yes Colin?"

"Can we make up team names?" he asked.

"Err- sure if you want. That's fine."

Everyone started talking at once with their team members about what their names should be. Before Harry knew it the four team leaders were standing by his side looking pleased.

"Harry, we have names for you," said Luna dreamily.

"Oh alright, Luna…what is the pink team's name?"

"We would like to be called the Pink Phoenixes."

Harry couldn't help but laugh.

"Alright…Susan?"

"We are going to be the Wicca White."

"Adiann?"

"Brown Banshees"

"You are nuts, all of you."

"Aww… come on Harry it makes it fun!"

"Harry, lighten up!"

"Have some fun!"

They all cat called at him.

"Fine, fine Neville what do you have for me?"

"Sirius' Oranges," he said quietly.

The room got deathly quiet and Harry felt his throat close up. Tears stung the back of his eyes and he wished he was anywhere but there. Ginny, who was on Neville's team, walked up and put her arm around his shoulder and waved the rest of them off. They filed out without another word said to Harry.

Standing in a corner, Harry recomposed himself.

"It shouldn't hurt this much to hear his name."

"We thought you'd like it, as a way to remember him."

"I do like it, it's just that I don't know, Gin."

"It's alright Harry I understand. Believe me, you loved him he was like your dad in a lot of ways."

"I just wish there was a way I could talk to him."

"I know Harry, I know."

Harry looked up seeing that only Ron and Hermione were left in the room, with the exception of Professor Aingeal. Harry took one last look in the mirror that was set into the right wall and walked over to her holding Ginny's hand.

"Thanks again for all your help," he said offering her his hand.

She looked at it for a minute as though it would be dreadful to touch him, and then shook it.

"Who is this, Harry?" she asked pointing to Ginny.

"Oh… this is Ginny Weasley, my girlfriend."

"You make a cute couple, just like your parents, Harry."

She turned and walked out into the corridor without another word. Harry was thoroughly perplexed by his new teacher but decided to put it aside.

Ron and Hermione came over and joined Harry and Ginny by the door.

"Best head back to the common room," said Hermione.

"Wait, I need to tell you two, something," Harry said dreadfully.

"What's up mate?"

"You two better sit down."

They stared at him for a moment and then sat down. Ginny, sensing his unease, put a comforting arm around his waist.

"Harry, what's going on? You sound terrible."

"Just please sit down and listen."

Harry continued standing staring at the two of them for a long time without saying anything.

"You two remember the prophecy?"

Of course they remember Potter, what do you think they're stupid?

"Of course Harry."

"I still wish it hadn't smashed, I love to know what it said that was so important," said Ron rubbing his chin.

"I know what it said."

"What? Harry how?" asked Hermione looking worried, but curious.

"I know because Trelawney made it to Dumbledore and he told me what it said," Harry paused.

"Well! What did it say!" asked Ron his eyes nearly bulging out of his head.

"It said- it said '_The one with the power to vanquish the dark lord approaches... Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies...and the dark lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the dark lord knows not...and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives..._."

Ron and Hermione stared at him just as Ginny had done. Hermione's eyes filling with tears with each passing moment.

"Wait, that last part, '_and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives'…_"

" – _for neither can live while the other survives_." Harry finished the last bit with Ron. "Yeah that's what it said."

"Whoa! But that – that means you – " Ron stopped, putting his head in his hands.

Hermione stood up, the tears now spilling over and hugged Harry. A moment later Ron, grabbing Ginny, joined them in a many armed group hug. Harry, still hanging onto Hermione, felt sure that he and Hermione weren't they only ones crying.


	14. Trust

**Harry Potter's Deepest Fears**

**Chapter 14 - Trust**

**Disclaimer: Never changes**

**A/N: Ok now I feel like an ass, as one faithful reviewer has pointed out I have been very, bad at thanking those faithful reviewers! SO! To make up for my terrible ways I am dedicating this chapter to a few people, first off and most importantly to my faithful reviewers! You guys make me want to be very good at what I am trying to do! More specifically to orchidblossom who is my best reviewer! She is faithful and loyal and I am so sorry I haven't mentioned you before, this chapter is for you my dear!**

Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione seemed to form a closer bond once the prophecy was out in the open. Harry and Ginny had not had any fights in nearly three weeks. They were now talking more with each other and Harry felt more in control of everything, including Evil Harry.

Every Tuesday, Harry had Occlumency lessons with Professor Nosizwe. It was much easier without Snape there and Harry felt as though he could fully close off his mind now. Professor Nosizwe had also taken what she called 'extra steps' to insure that Harry did not have dreams implanted by Voldemort. Every Tuesday she gave him a week's supply of a dreamless sleeping potion. This not only stopped Voldemort form getting into his mind, but also stopped Harry from having nightmares about Demon Dad and Monster Mum.

Without the dreams every night and no fights with Ginny, Harry was finding it very easy to suppress Evil Harry. Although every once and a while (especially when Malfoy was near) Harry had a hard time staying in control.

Between three days of rigorous Quidditch practice, three days of DA meetings and his lessons with Professor Nosizwe, not to mention the amount of homework Harry had nightly, he was extremely tired. He was, however, enjoying himself too, grateful for the distractions; he thought less about Sirius, and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley.

Before Harry knew it September was nearly gone and the first Quidditch match of the season (Gryffindor versus Slytherin) was upon them. All DA meeting were canceled the week before, and Katie doubled the practice schedule to prepare them.

On the Friday before the first match Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione were gathered in the common room on the pretense of getting some homework done.

"I can't do this!" shouted Ron throwing down his parchment.

"Ronald, if you don't finish that essay now, you'll just have to do it on Sunday."

"I don't care Hermione!" Ron snapped. "Honestly, it's Quidditch tomorrow, I can't study!"

"Ron, if you get it done now, you'll have all Sunday free to spend with me."

"Hermione, listen to me. I know you don't really like Quidditch, but I do so why don't you just shut-up?"

Hermione huffed as she picked up her things and walked to the girls staircase.

"Where are you going?" asked Ron, trying to sound apologetic.

"Away from you!" shouted Hermione running up the stairs.

"Hermione wait! Don't go!" he said running up the stairs after her but only making it to the second step before the stair case folded and he tumbled back down.

A couple first year girls giggled from the corner, peering over their parchments and pointing at Ron.

"You three, get to bed before I give you detention!" he shouted at them.

Looking near tears, the three girls ran up stairs.

"Bloody Hell, what is Hermione's problem?" he asked slumping down on the couch.

"Ron, you're such a git!" shouted Ginny and giving Harry a quick kiss on the cheek, she too ran up stairs to bed.

"WOULD EVERYONE STOP SHOUTING!"

"Ron, you're the one shouting," pointed out Harry, laughing slightly and gathering his stuff to head up to bed as well.

Ron followed suit and they were soon in there respective beds fast asleep.

Harry awoke the next morning feeling refreshed; the same giddy feeling he got every time he flew was settled in his stomach. Harry woke up and found the room deserted. He pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and headed down to breakfast.

Harry sat down next to Ginny, who was sitting with the rest of the Quidditch team. Katie was looking more nervous than he had ever seen her look before a game. She kept urging the team to eat but refused the toast Hermione offered her.

Hermione and Ron appeared to still not be speaking. Hermione was sitting on Katie's right while Ron was sitting three people down on Andrew Kirke's left. Both were having conversations with the people near them but Harry saw them both stealing glances at one another every few minutes.

Twenty minutes later Katie called to her team to get to the locker rooms. Once there they changed, Harry began to fill excited and nervous all at the same time.

Katie came in minutes before the game was to start.

"Gather round. We have a great team this year! Ginny, and Alianna are terrific Chasers, Ron is an amazing Keeper, our Beaters are magnificent and we have the best Seeker Hogwarts has ever seen."

Harry felt himself blush at her kind words and was reminded fully of Oliver who often had similar pre-game speeches.

"Katie, you sound just like Oliver," said Harry; they were both the only ones to have been on the team alongside Oliver.

"Yeah, well he was a great Captain," she said blushing. It had been no secret that the two of them had dated for years. "Alright, team – let's go get 'em!"

They all filed out onto the pitch, the sun was high and bright in a cloudless blue sky. It was still warm for late September and Harry looked around at the cheering crowd thinking how much he had missed this.

They heard the whistle and kicked off the ground. Harry heard Dean Thomas' commentary as he soared high over the stands.

"Here they are: the best Hogwarts team, GRYFFINDOR!" he roared. "This year led by Captain Katie Bell, Chaser, her two new Chasers, Ginny Weasley and transfer student Alianna Conclamo, returning Beaters, Andrew Kirke and Jack Sloper, returning Keeper Ron Weasley and Seeker Harry Potter!"

Harry soared high into the air, leaving the noise of the commentary behind him searching for the golden snitch. Harry heard a swoosh behind him and turned to see Malfoy tailing him. Harry decided to put him through his paces and started making zigzagging dives for the ground, pulling up just in time. Harry caught bits of Deans commentary.

"Bell with the Quaffle...Alianna... passes... drops... Slytherin... Potter... saved! GRYFFINDOR SCORES!"

Harry looked up just in time to see Ginny slapping five with Alianna, clearly just having scored a goal. Then, as Harry watched Ginny smiling face he saw a glint of gold, at first he thought it was just the sunlight off her hair, but then Harry realized it was the golden snitch glinting just inches from Ginny.

At breakneck speed, Harry zoomed off towards the snitch; Malfoy saw this and tailed him closely,but not closely enough. Harry grabbed the fluttering snitch within seconds. Ginny looked over her shoulder and smiled warmly at him.

"GGGGRRRYYYFFFFFFFIIINNNDOOORR WIIIINNNSS!" shouted Dean over all the commotion.

Harry held the snitch in his head and took a victory lap over the pitch. As he was coming around again near the Slytherin goal post he saw Ginny clapping, not holding to her broom. Harry watched in horror as Malfoy snatched a Bludger and bat out of Crabbe's hand tossed the Bludger into the air and whacked it directly towards Ginny's head. Harry heard the sickening crunch as it hit Ginny, and watched as she slipped from her broom and fell twenty-five feet to the ground.

Harry flew so fast, it was as though he Apparated. Within a second he was kneeling by Ginny's side watching in horror as the blood flowed from her head. Harry heard Madam Pomfrey pushing through the crowd and felt as she pushed him back. Harry felt as though he was empty as he watched her close the wound in Ginny's head stopping the bleeding and as she tried several times to revive Ginny. Harry waited with bated breath as she tried a second time... a third... a fourth... and finally a fifth time. On the last attempted revival, Ginny blinked, opening one eye and then the other. She looked around, confused. Harry felt relief wash over him.

_**Potter, Potter, Potter; are you going to let him get away with that?**_

_He'll get what's coming to him._

_**Damn right he will.**_

****  
Harry was sitting in the hospital wing trying to figure out how he had gotten from there from the Quidditch Pitch, where Ginny was, and why he was chained to his bed.

"Ah… Mr. Potter you're awake," said Madam Pomfrey stiffly. 

"What's going on? How'd I get here? Where is Ginny?" 

"Calm down, Mr. Potter, you are not in the position to making demands, you just sit tight. the Headmaster wants a word." 

She walked away, leaving Harry completely perplexed. 

Harry looked around the room and saw the curtain pulled closed for the next bed over. 

"Ginny?" 

Slowly the curtain pulled back to reveal Ginny, sitting up in bed with a bandage around her head. 

"What happened Gin? How did I get here and why am I chained to the bed?" 

"You don't remember what you did?" she asked, sounding slightly afraid and slightly angry. 

"NO! What is going on?" 

Harry felt as though he was really losing his mind this time. Ginny's lower lip trembled. 

"Harry, you -y-you completely lost it. You beat up Malfoy, he had to go to St. Mungo's. I've never seen you like that; it was like you were someone else." 

Harry felt a cold dread spread over him; Evil Harry had taken control and pushed him so far away he didn't remember. 

"I-I I didn't do it," stammered Harry. 

"THEN WHO DID?" shouted Ginny. Shehadgotten out of her bed, and wasstanding, throwing her hands in the air in frustration. 

"I don't know," lied Harry, unable to look her in the eye. 

"Harry don't lie to me. Talk to me! What about our promise?" she grabbed his hand andducked down to where he wasforcing his eyes awayfrom her, trying to get him to look at her. 

Harry didn't know what to say; he couldn't tell Ginny about Evil Harry, she'd think he was crazy. 

**_You are crazy Potter._**

"Harry James Potter! Talk to me!" Ginny stamped her foot on the ground; she sounded near tears and an angry heat was coming off her. 

Again he just sat there. Harry shook his head slightly. 

"I can't," he whispered feeling near tears himself. 

"You can't?" she asked, as though she had been givena death sentence. 

"No. I'm sorry," he said as finally he looked up at her. 

For a long momentneither spoke. Harry sat on the bed the, manacle digging into his skin. Ginny stood about a foot away from, him looking at her shoes. 

"Then so am I," she said quietly. Harry's head jerked up so fast his neck hurt, telling himself he couldn't have heard right; she had spoken so softly. 

"What does that mean?" he asked, his teeth clenched tight as he willed the manacle to give him a few more inches. 

"It means I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me!" she shouted, so loudly Harry stopped fighting for a moment. He felt his world was falling around him as he stared into Ginny's tear brimmed eyes 

"I do trust you!" 

"Obviously not enough! It's over!" shouted Ginny. Then, more quietly. "It's over Harry."  



	15. I Could Have Saved Them

**Harry Potter's Deepest Fears**

**Chapter 15 – I Could Have Saved Them**

**Disclaimer – Nothing New**

Harry sat staring at Ginny not believing anything she had said.

"You don't mean it - Ginny?"

She nodded her head.

"It's over Harry," she said, speaking very slowly and softly.

She walked over to him and gently kissed him on the forehead, before returning to her own bed. Harry tried to reach for her but being chained he as could not catch her.

"Wait p-please," his voice broke.

She continued away from him, climbed into her own bed and pulled the hangs around her blocking her from his view. At that moment Dumbledore walked in looking very powerful and very angry; there was no twinkle in his eyes.

"Poppy! When did it become the habit of chaining our students up?" he asked furiously.

"Well, Dumbledore would you suggest I just leave him untied, able to attack again?" she replied, stopping quickly at the look Dumbledore gave her; with a wave of his wand Harry's arm was free of the manacle. He rubbed his wrist where the cuff had been too tight.

"Harry, my office please," said Dumbledore, letting Harry lead the way.

Harry walked quickly and quietly. Minutes later, they were seated in the comfy office. Dumbledore looked intently at Harry, his fingers steepled on the bridge of his nose.

"Harry, you have put me in a very hard position," he said slowly. "You must understand that, according to the rules of our school, you should be expelled."

Dread washed over Harry.

"Now, Mr. Malfoy has been taken to St. Mungo's and he will be fine but his mother is not happy; she is pushing for your removal from Hogwarts."

Harry looked into his lap and shuddered, this was it; he had finally gotten himself kicked out.

"Now I have spoken to Minister Bones and she has agreed that removing you from school could be more detrimental to the wizarding world then to leave you here."

Harry could hardly believe his ears.

"You mean I'm not expelled?" asked Harry, sounding overjoyed.

"No Harry, you're not." Dumbledore said in a formal tone that made Harry nervous. "But if I were you, I would not be getting too excited. As of now you are on probation. You can not miss any of your Occlumency lessons; you must be in your common room by six every night, except for lessons with Professor Nosizwe and DA lessons. Professor Aingeal will be monitoring every DA lesson; if she can not make it you will not have them. As for Quidditch, you are banned from playing-"

"No! Professor Dumbledore - please no," Harry interrupted, standing up from his chair.

"Sit down," Dumbledore said sternly. Harry promptly did as he was told. "Listen to me, this is it Harry. If you do something like this again if I cannot protect you. Now as I as saying, you are banned from matches with Slytherin. I have spoken to the other team captains and they all agree that you may play. But I am afraid that Mr. Malfoy has invoked a holding spell against you. This means that you will not be able to come within twenty feet of him. While in class the spell will be taken down to ten feet. You have a week's worth of detention, and will be taking anger management lessons with Professor Aingeal on Sundays while the Slytherin team practices."

Dumbledore stopped and looked at Harry; he seemed sad and old.

"Now tell me Harry what happened."

"I don't remember… he got too strong."

"Who?"

"Evil Harry."

"Evil Harry? Who is that?"

"He's in my head, kind of like another side to me. He got angry when Malfoy hurt Ginny and pushed me away, so far that I don't even know what had happened…"

Harry looked up at Dumbledore, feeling ashamed. But Dumbledore looked worried.

"Harry I am going to have Professor Nosizwe give you different lessons; since she says you are very good at Occlumency, I am going to have her start you on a repression treatment."

Harry looked at him questioningly.

"The treatment involves hypnotic treatment and potion therapy in an effort to suppress a second personality."

"Is that what you think that is? A second personality?"

"Yes Harry I do. Given your past experiences it would be normal for you to grow this split-personality. Unfortunately, your other personality takes on a more violent role."

Harry thought for a moment that this would explain why Evil Harry was more 'active' when he was upset or angry.

"Is there anything else you would like to tell me?" Dumbledore asked. Harry shook his head. "Very well then, head back to your common room. No where else, Harry - straight to the common room."

"Yes sir."

The beginning of October came in with a burst of cold air causing the leaves on the trees to fall. The news of Harry and Ginny's break-up spread like wildfire. Crazy rumors were being passed around as to why the golden couple had split up; Harry even heard one second year in the corridor telling her friends that they had broken up because Ginny was cheating on Harry with Viktor Krum.

These rumors led the school to be divided, most students (meaning most the girls) had taken to wearing ribbons on there robes, green to indicate that they were siding with Harry and red to indicate that they thought Ginny was in the right.

The ribbons led to even more disunity among the houses than normal. Harry found that people with red ribbons were very unlikely to be friendly to him. Tori, who was normally very friendly with Harry, would not even speak to him, and Tyler Griffith from Ravenclaw, who had never been anything but nice towards Harry, was now shooting him dirty looks when he passed him in the hall. Even Luna would not talk to Harry anymore.

What hurt Harry the most, however, was Ron. When Harry had gotten back to the common room after his conversation with Dumbledore the common room was packed with partiers. It seemed that a Gryffindor win coupled with the fact Malfoy was in the hospital had put most in a good mood. Harry found Ron and Hermione sitting together on the love seat talking in low whispers; when they saw him both jumped up and pulled him to the boys' dormitory.

"Start talking," said Ron, pushing Harry down on his bed.

"About what?"

"ABOUT WHAT? What the hell happened out there, Harry? Your normally not that - that reckless! That's my job!"

"Ronald, calm down," said Hermione laying a gentle hand on his arm. "Harry, we were there. We saw everything and that was not you. Please tell us what's wrong."

"I can't. I'm dealing with it, okay?"

"No, that's not okay!" said Ron shoving Harry back down when he tried standing.

"Don't push me!" shouted Harry standing up again.

"I'm going to push you until you tell me what happened on that pitch today," Ron said, pushing him hard again, this time sending Harry toppling over the bed.

Harry scrambled up and rushed at Ron, knocking him backward into Hermione who fell down with a small 'honestly'. This time however Ron was done with pushing, he brought back a clenched fist and hit Harry directly on the nose. Harry stumbled back holding his bleeding nose and cursing loudly. Harry dived at Ron knocking him to the ground and hit him as well.

They were rolling on the floor when Hermione started shouting stunning spells at them. Moments later they both woke up on opposite corners of the room Hermione in between them. Ron pointed a deadly finger at Harry.

"FINE! Fine, I've had it Harry, don't tell us! I don't care anymore! Don't tell us anything!" he spat with a wave of his hand as he walked to the door.

"First Ginny, now you? I thought you were my best friend!" Harry shouted.

"I am! But best friends don't keep things from each other, so I'm done! Find a new best friend!"

"Ron! You don't mean that! Harry what happened with Ginny?" asked Hermione looking between the two boys.

"We broke up! Obviously the Weasleys have a hard time trusting me!" Harry was so angry and hurt he shouted every word.

"Come on, Hermione." beckoned Ron, choosing to ignore Harry's comment.

Hermione did not move but looked from each boy to the other.

"Come on, Hermione," repeated Ron slowly.

"Ron - don't do this! Talk to him, he's your best friend!" she begged, looking at him with pleading eyes.

"Bloody hell! Fine! Stay! I don't care! I'm done with both of you!" Ron reached into his shirt and pulled off a locket, tossing it to the ground and walking out.

Hermione walked over to the locket and picked it up, her lip trembling.

"What's that Hermione?" asked Harry, feeling very bad about everything.

"The l-l-locket I gave him when we started g-g-going out. He promised to never take it off as long as we had each other."

She then burst into tears and fell to the ground sobbing.

That had been a week ago and in it Ron had not spoken to Harry or Hermione since. He wore his green ribbon everyday and pretended not to even see the two of them. Ginny, too, had not spoken to either Harry or Hermione.

Harry tried distracting himself best he could, but Quidditch practice and DA lessons were a form of torture that could not stand. During Quidditch practice, he and Ron would shoot each other dirty looks, taking their focus from the game and preventing them from playing as well as they could. Harry also had the unfortunate task of telling Katie that he could not play in their matches against Slytherin; it was news that she did not take well.

During the DA meetings, the teams were split between people who supported Harry and those who supported Ginny, meaning that half the club did not want to be taught by Harry and the other half wanted to kick Ginny out of the DA.

Harry was also having a hard time coming to grips with the fact that he was the reason Hermione and Ron had broken up. He felt horrible and every time he looked at Hermione's tear filled eyes he felt a pang of guilt.

In Harry's opinion over the past week, all hell had broken loose at Hogwarts, and he was at the center of it.

On the afternoon of October 1st, Harry had his first anger management class with Professor Aingeal.

"Harry sit down please," she said, motioning to a couch with a low coffee table in front of it, set with tea and scones. "Tea?" she asked sitting down and pouring herself a cup.

"Sure," Harry replied. He felt angry and upset; it had been just over a week since his break up with Ginny. Surprisingly he was able to function normally, but he had emptiness inside him that he was unable to fill.

They sat there sipping tea just looking at each other. Harry was getting nervous; he did not like just sitting there not talking, when there was so much emotion bubbling inside of him.

"So, what do you do, for these lessons?" he asked as the silence finally got to him.

"I was enjoying the quiet weren't you?"

"No! We are supposed to – to DO something!" Harry cried.

"Why are you getting upset Harry?"

"Because we are supposed to do something! My life has turned completely upside down and you're just sitting there drinking tea!"

"Because Harry there is no method for this, you need to learn to control your temper in situations that cause it to flare up; situations of discomfort such as long periods of silence."

Harry stared at her, she was testing him. And he had failed miserably.

"So there is nothing to do here besides talk?"

"Correct. Now we have another 2 hours what would you like to talk about Harry?"

Suddenly, as if it had only happened yesterday a memory came flooding back to him, knocking all his senses off balance.

"'Hi Harry I was supposed to be your Godmother' - not the best start of a conversation. I'm not telling him, I don't want him to know. Like I said, that woman is dead. Plus it would lead to a lot of unwanted questions.'"

Well, she wanted him to control his temper while hearing discomforting things, Harry thought.

"Who is Cliodna?" he asked watching her face, but to his immense surprise it did not change.

"How do you know that name?"

"Heard it..."

"Where?" her voice was soft but deadly.

"Beginning of last month, the night of the first DA meeting, you were talking to someone when I knocked but you never answered."

Harry should have been afraid; the look she was giving him was enough to make anyone fear her, but Harry was too curious to be affected by it

"I knew I felt someone."

"Felt?"

She ignored his comment as she stood up and walked over to the mantle.

Deciding to try another route he switched gears.

"Who were you talking to?"

"Remus," she said simply, her reply shocking Harry more than he wished her to know. What could she have to do with Remus?

"You did know them didn't you?" Harry said slowly, realization dawning upon him; it all made sense. Harry looked his professor over, she was the perfect age, it all fit. "It wasn't just because they were popular; you were friends with them… you were in their year; I bet you slept in my mum's dorm!"

Harry waited for her to answer, but she remained quiet.

"Professor? You did, didn't you?"

"How much of my conversation did you hear, Harry?" she asked suddenly.

"I- I heard you say something about nearly being my Godmother," he said, now feeling slightly ashamed but still very curious.

Aingeal turned around; she was smiling at him. It was not friendly or nice, but set. Like someone who has to do something they really don't want to do.

"That's right Harry. I was very nearly your Godmother..."

"I don't understand how you can be 'nearly' my Godmother…"

Harry's mind was reeling. For the first time in weeks he was starting to think clearly; Evil Harry was pushed to the back with the flood of information pouring into his head. Professor Aingeal sat down across from Harry, tucking her legs under her. She had what appeared to be photo album tucked in her lap. She sat staring at Harry; he could tell she did not want to do this.

"I was nearly your Godmother because, when I was in school, my best friend was your mother."

Harry sat listening with rap attention, all these years no one had ever mentioned anything about this woman to him.

"We were inseparable; our first year we bonded in defiance of the four troublesome boys in our year. Our fourth year, we became wild, challenging the four boys and forcing them to notice us. We still hated them, but we respected them as troublemakers. In our fifth year, we both found love. Our sixth year, I helped mend her broken heart and in our seventh year I watched her find her true love.

"We did everything together, Harry. I don't think in ten years of knowing each other we ever fought. I was a bridesmaid at her wedding, she was one at mine. I was in the room when you were born."

Her eyes filled with tears as she spoke

"I remember the last night I saw her: October 24th. The night the Fidelius Charm was performed. I remember you, Harry; I held you in my arms and told you and your mother and father I'd see you all soon."

Her hands were shaking, but she didn't stop.

"Then, when I realized how bad I'd fucked up I ran away!" she slumped to her knees off the couch and put her head in her hands. "I'm s-so sorry I couldn't save them. Damn it Harry! I could have saved them!"

_**A/N: I hope all of my lovely reviewers have not given up on me, I am very sorry it took so long to get another chapter out, I have been so very busy. Fortunately I have the next few chapters written and will post then in the next few days. Again I ask for forgiveness. **_

_**Julia**_


	16. Reunion

**Harry Potter's Deepest Fears**

**Chapter 16 - Reunion**

**Disclaimer: Same as always**

**A/N: Thanks again for all the wonderous reviews, love it if you leave another...**

Harry blinked once, then another time. He was so confused, so many questions, and with his professor crying like this on the floor he couldn't think straight.

"Wait Professor, I'm – I don't understand. How could you have saved them? I mean if you thought Sirius was their Secret Keeper how could you save them? You said my mum was at your wedding, but if you were suppose to be me Godmother - then you would have had to marry Sirius. But you're not my Godmother. Is that why? Because you and Sirius were just friends? Did they choose him over you? Please tell me!"

This all came very fast in one breath. Harry desperately wished that Professor Aingeal would stop crying and explain. She looked up at him, her light makeup running down her cheeks. Sniffing, she wiped her eyes.

"Look at me, nothing but a silly woman," she stood up and got a tissue from the mantle, blowing her nose. "I think that's all for today Harry."

"NO! NO damn it! Tell me!" Harry ran over and grabbed the shorter women, shaking her. He softened at the look of fear in her eyes. "Please tell me, please - you and Remus are the only connection I have to them."

She slumped down on the couch again holding the tissues in her hands her eyes red and puffy and her hair was frazzled.

"Please, explain why you aren't my Godmother?" he asked desperately.

"Why else Harry? Voldemort."

"I don't understand."

"As soon as we finished school, all six of us joined the Order. James had recently lost his mother and father, and Sirius had lost his brother and uncle. Lily joined because of James; I did because of Sirius."

Harry was starting to understand; Sirius and he had been an item.

"Remus and Peter followed the crowd. Right after that James and Lily were married. They loved each other Harry; they were head over heels in love. But they weren't ready to start a family. They were both scared, scared of what the world was, of what it might become. Lily and I still did everything together and so did Sirius and James. The four of us formed a tight bond. We went on assignment together, we fought together, and we defied 'him' together. He knew us all by name, could pick us out in a crowd and hated us with a passion."

"I still don't understand!" yelled Harry in his frustration.

"I'm telling you, there's a lot to tell."

"You and Sirius were a couple, weren't you?" he asked, unable to hold the questions in. "You broke up, over something. That's why you're not my Godmother. You married someone else."

"No Harry, I was never married."

"But you said - ?"

"I said your mother was a bride's maid at my wedding…I never said I was married. March 12, 1981. That was the day Sirius and I were to wed. He asked me September 12, 1980, on a hill overlooking the castle and Hogsmeade."

She seemed to drift away and Harry drifted with her.

"Why weren't you two married?"

"We almost were, I was in my dress; your mother and our friends, Roxxi and Alice, and my sister Nikki were my bridesmaids. Your mother was the maid of honor. Sirius was in his finest dress robes, your father and Remus, Frank Longbottom and Peter were our groomsmen. I walked down the aisle surrounded by my friends and family, we said our vows. And then - at that blasted line… 'If anyone feels that these two shall not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace,'… I heard a voice I'll never forget, one that chills my blood just thinking of it; one that ruined my perfect day and killed not only my parents, but your mother's as well. We had stood up against him one too many times for him to just let us get married in peace."

She paused to dry her eyes. Harry wondered what it would be like to have the most feared wizard ruin your wedding and shuddered. This had been Sirius' fiancée. Aingeal handed him the photo album.

"These were taken before and during the wedding."

Harry flipped through the album and looked at the pictures; most of them were of Sirius and Aingeal. They looked happy and in love. One was of Sirius tickling Aingeal in the picture, her face full of laughter. Another was of Aingeal walking down the aisle smiling bright with long slow steps. Another of Sirius, Aingeal, Lily and James; the two men were standing in the background with their arms around their respective girls, chins rested on top of their heads, all four smiling brightly. The last in the album was a candid shot by a lake, Sirius was sitting on a large rock with Aingeal in his lap her arms around him, and his around her; their foreheads were pressed together, eyes locked onto one another having no care for anyone else in the world. As Harry watched the photograph, Sirius pushed a lock of Aingeal's golden red hair behind her ear and kissed her gently on the lips.

Harry felt tears beat at his eyes. Sirius looked happy and loved here. It wasn't fair that all that should be taken away. Harry felt a deep sadness for his professor who, by now, had regained her composure.

"I-I'm sorry, professor."

"Nothing to be sorry about, Harry."

"Why did you leave?" Harry asked, unable to understand why, being so in love with Sirius, she did not believe him to be innocent, and how she fit into his parents' death.

"When we found out about the prophecy your parents immediately went into hiding. They moved around a lot, shuffling from place to place with each new attack. When Dumbledore suggested a Secret Keeper, they immediately asked Sirius to do it. He agreed with all his heart, but they also asked me if I would help. I, of course, said yes." She hesitated a moment. "Harry there is something you don't know about me that I have kept secret for a reason; if I tell you, I need you to promise to keep it quiet."

"No problem."

"I am a Whitelighter; do you know what that is?"

"No, we haven't covered them in class yet."

"I know - I'm saving it for later. Well, I'm actually part Whitelighter, I'm what is known as a Whitewitch. It's half-Whitelighter and half-witch. When we study them in class you will find out all of their extra powers, but one of them is the ability to orb. It is somewhat like Apparition, only you can take people with you, and you can visit The Beyond."

"The Beyond?"

"Not important, all you need to know is it's a place were you can't be found. Anyway, owing to the fact that I can orb, I was elected to watch over Sirius. That way if he was sought after by Death Eaters I could take him somewhere they would not find him and you three would be safe."

"I still don't understand."

"Patience! I take all I've ever said back; you and Sirius are the ones alike," she grinned at Harry and he couldn't help but grin back. "The night of the attack Sirius was acting very… anxious… I thought it was just because he was Secret Keeper and nervous for James, Lily and you. He kept saying he wanted to go check on you, but I wouldn't let him go. We had a huge row; I thought that if Sirius was home and safe, then the three you would be home and safe."

The next part seemed to cause her much pain

"He– he never told me of the switch. I wouldn't let him leave, but finally he got mad enough to push me out of the way and just leave. It was the – the last time I spoke to him, the last words I ever said – were - were 'I hate you.'"

Harry was finding it hard to swallow, he watched as a tear slid down her cheek.

"The next day I read the paper and found out that Lily and James were dead and that Sirius was wanted for their murder. I ran away, I just couldn't take facing Remus and Peter, know - knowing that if I had stopped him they'd be alive right now. So I ran away. It took me fifteen years to come back."

"But – but Sirius was innocent! Surely he tried to contact you when he got out, I mean surely he went to you and told you what happened."

"He did, but I pushed him away. I talked myself into believing that he was lying and that he killed them and I pushed him away, but the truth was - I was ashamed!"

"WHY?"

"Don't you get it yet Harry? Don't you see? If I'd have let him go when he first wanted to, he'd have gotten to Peter! He'd have stopped him! They'd be alive!"

Harry sat staring at her. He knew she was right; if she would have just let Sirius go… but then again, she was just doing what she thought was right.

"It wasn't your fault! You were trying to save them!"

Professor Aingeal looked up and gave half a nod. Harry, on impulse, stood up and walked over to his Professor, bending low and wrapping his arms around her. She let out several sharp breaths, her tears fell onto his robes.

"I missed you, kiddo," she whispered.

Something inside Harry stirred at the name, and he remembered an image from long ago clouded and blurry; one of a small boy being thrown into the air by a golden red haired girl. She laughed with each toss, spinning him round, pulling him close to her and kissing his cheeks with loud wet sloppy kisses. In a chair in the corner sat Sirius smiling at the pair of them.

"_You'll make a terrific mum."_

Aingeal laughed again, throwing the young Harry up one more time and catching him easily.

"_Here that, kiddo? A terrific mum. You might have cousins soon enough!" _

In an instant the memory was gone. Harry, now fully grown, let the tears slide down his cheeks, sad for the fact that he never had any (likable) cousins and also for the fact that Aingeal never got to be a mum.

Harry lay in bed hours later, his dreamless sleeping potion sloshing around in his stomach, and thinking that Professor Aingeal wasn't too bad. He let the pictures and the memory lull him to sleep.


	17. Memories

**Harry Potter's Deepest Fears**

**Chapter 17 – Memories**

**Disclaimer: Same as always…**

**A/N: I keep for getting to put this in, the idea about the ribbon (green for Harry and red for Ginny) came from an episode of Gilmore Girls. Also the term whitelighter is not mine I'm just borrowing it :wink wink:**

**On to the story! Many thanks if you review!**

October developed into a lonely month for Harry. With nearly half of the school not speaking to him, and the other half guarding him wherever he went, Harry half wished to be anywhere else.

Hermione, with whom Harry had been spending a large amount of time, was not faring well either. She nearly always looked tired, and her eyes were red from crying so much. She had stopped eating breakfast and lunch, and instead took to the library during mealtimes, as well as every afternoon after classes.

Several times she had tried to get Harry to join her in the library for breakfast and lunch, but he almost always found an excuse; he didn't mind going with her in the afternoon to do his homework but refused to spend every moment outside of classes there.

Harry, instead, took to spending his lunches with Professor Aingeal, in her office. Having this woman who had known Sirius so fully and completely was like having a part of his godfather back.

Harry knocked on the door, the same as he did every day at 12:30. She answered the same she had done for the past two weeks and led him to the couches were she had first told him who she really was. Sitting beside the usual assortment of sandwiches and flask of pumpkin juice was a pensive, much like the one in Dumbledore's office - except that this one was not cracked like Dumbledore's. Harry sat down feeling very perplexed.

"I've gathered a – a bit of a treat for you, Harry," said Professor Aingeal as he sat down, looking at her quizzically.

"Of what, Professor?" he asked picking up one of the ham sandwiches.

"Harry, how many times do I have to ask you to call me Devon when it's just the two of us?"

"Sorry Devon, habit."

"I understand. I was talking to Remus last night and he mentioned something about you seeing your father and Sirius in a rather bad light in a memory of Snape's. Thought maybe I'd show you the men they grew into. Would you like that?"

Harry felt a rush of gratitude and happiness.

"YES!" he said nearly falling out of his chair.

"Alright then, which would you prefer: going in or watching from out here?" she asked lightly.

"In."

"There are about twenty or so memories in there. I'll be at my desk when you're done."

Harry smiled one more time and leaned over the pensive, his nose nearly touching the shimmering surface. Suddenly, without warning, he was falling through.

When he was done falling, Harry found himself standing in the library. There were very few students milling around, but near him was a table with two young girls sitting at it. They looked to be about fourteen or fifteen years old.

One of the girls had long, straight, red hair and piercing green eyes; Lily Evans was laughing quietly with another girl - this one had shoulder length, curly, dark red hair and dark green eyes. The two girls looked like sisters.

Devon said something Harry could not hear and both girls burst into giggles. The librarian came around the corner and shot them both dirty looks. When she had turned her back the girls looked at each other and giggled once again, silently this time.

Harry shook his head and smiled sitting down at an empty chair at there table.

A moment later a young Remus walked into the library and, spotting the two girls, walked over and asked them about an essay for McGonagall.

"Yeah, that's what we're working on, Remmie."

"Don't call me _that!" _he said looking wounded. "What if the guys heard you! My stuff is upstairs, will you two come with me?"

They nodded and, gathering up their stuff, started walking up the stairs; Harry followed at a close distance.

When they came to the very top of the staircase that led to the seventh floor, Harry jumped back and nearly tumbled down the steps as Devon and Lily were covered in bright orange slime that had fallen on them from two hovering balloons. Harry laughed as he walked the rest of the way; he then saw two young boys huddled in the corner, doubled over with their own laughter.

"YOU!" shouted Devon, looking lividly at the two boys in the corner.

"Who - me?" asked Sirius suppressing his laughter, looking at Devon with innocent eyes and pointing a finger at his chest.

"Don't you play the fool with me, Sirius Black; this has your stench all over it," said Devon, looking quite funny covered in orange slime, but still quite menacing.

"Do you hear that Jamsey! They think we did this to be_ mean_! I'm insulted!" said Sirius feinting shock, and tossing a look at James.

"I don't believe it Sirius," said James, shaking his head. "Here we are covering the two most beautiful girls in school with love potion, just because we _long_ to be with them and they accuse of us _dishonorable_ intentions!"

Both girls crossed their arms over their chests at exactly the same time looking at both boys with loathing.

"Yeah Evans, when you're done washing your hair, wanna go out with me?" asked James after a slight pause.

"Are you insane, James Potter? I wouldn't go out with you even if all the house-elves agreed to go free!" Lily stomped off towards the Gryffindor tower, James quickly following after her.

Harry watched them run off out of the memory, turning his attention back to Sirius and Devon. He watched as Sirius looked Devon over a few times, and suppressed another round of laughter.

"I think you need a bath, love. But I must say orange is a lovely color on you; catch you later Cliodna."

Harry, semi-confused, let his eyes move from one to the other, surely there had to be more.

"What did you call me?" Devon shouted.

"Cliodna... you do know who that is don't you?" said Sirius, stopping and turning back towards Devon and the invisible Harry.

"She's the Celtic Goddess of Beauty."

"That's right," said Sirius walking back over to where Devon was.

"Why would you call me that?" she asked cautiously, to Harry it seemed like she had forgotten how to breathe.

Sirius bent down close to her ear and whispered

"Because even covered in orange slime, I think you're beautiful."

The look on Devon's face was priceless; her mouth opened slightly in shock, but her eyes were soft . It was obvious to Harry that Sirius knew exactly how to charm just about _anyone_.

Harry would have loved to stay and watch Sirius win over Devon but the memory had other ideas. Instantly he was taken out of Hogwarts to a new location.

When the walls stopped moving Harry was standing in the back of a church. Hundreds of people were sitting in the neatly decorated pews, hundreds of flowers covered nearly every surface, and a white runner led down the middle to a small platform where two men were standing. Harry walked toward the men and, as he got closer, recognized one of them as his father; the other man was clearly a preacher.

Harry's throat was tight as he watched his father, only a few years older than himself, shake hands with the preacher, looking nervous but happy.

Wanting to watch the wedding, Harry stood directly behind his father and waited with him. Soon enough the music started and Harry and James, looking like twins, glanced down the aisle, watching as first Peter with his partner, then Remus with his and finally Sirius with Devon walked the length of the church and took their places at the front with the others.

The music changed again and Harry watched, with bated breath, as his mother walked down the aisle arm linked with her father, smiling brightly and happily at James.

"Sirius!" said James under his breath, just so Sirius and Harry could hear.

"What?" said Sirius, his smile firmly in place.

"What the hell am I doing?"

"Marrying your soul mate," he said matter-of-factly.

"I can't do this," James replied sounding distressed.

Sirius laid a gentle hand on James shoulder, holding him to his stop, his smile never faltering, his eyes never leaving Lily.

"Yes, you can Prongs. Listen to me, when I first met her I swore that she was wrong for you. And yes, I was jealous. And yes, I acted like an idiot. But I know you, and now I know her, and I know that you both were made for each other. I can't get in the way of that James, and I won't let you run away from it either."

Sirius kept his hand on James shoulder the whole time it took Lily to get to the front, only removing it when James moved to take Lily's hand.

Harry stood behind his father, tears in his eyes as he watched how truly in love his parents were. He heard the vows, but they were just words, he saw the rings but they were just rings, what truly got to Harry was the look in their eyes, a look of pure, true, unending love that can not be broken, and can not be stomped out.

Harry also looked at Sirius, and for the first time understood how much Ron meant to him. Sirius stood by and let his best friend leave, because he knew that's what James wanted. Harry tried thinking if he would be able to give Ron up to Hermione one day; he just didn't know.

Harry was pulled reluctantly away from the beautiful wedding. The next moment he was dumped in a small, yet brightly lit flat. Harry looked around and saw his dad and Sirius talking in the kitchen about Quidditch. He heard more voices coming from behind him and turned to see his mum and Devon playing with a young boy who was unmistakably Harry.

"Lily dear, we're going to be late if we don't leave soon," came James's voice from the kitchen. He walked in carrying Lily's cloak.

"I'm coming, give mummy kisses Harry," she said pulling the baby to her lips and giving him quick kisses on the face. Baby Harry laughed and giggles as his mother kissed him.

Harry felt a pang of longing as he watched his mother and father say good bye to him.

"Sirius Black don't you hurt my baby," warned Lily pointing a finger at him as they walked out the door.

"Don't worry Lil, I'll make sure Harry's alright," Devon called after her.

"Thanks, Cliodna!"

When the door shut Sirius came over to Devon and stole baby Harry out of her arms. Both Harry and Devon stood and watched as Sirius played with baby Harry, using his wand to lift him into the air, making toys fly around his head, charming a stuffed hippogriff to talk.

After a few minutes Sirius got a weird look on his face and quickly handed Harry over to Devon.

"What?" she asked looking at his face.

"Anything of that foul smelling nature is your department, Cliodna," said Sirius walking into the kitchen.

"Oh no, you don't! Sirius Black you want to be the babysitter, you want to play with Harry you're going to change him too!"

Sirius glanced back and seeing the determined looked on Devon's face walked over, a pout firmly in place, and took Harry to the changing table.

Watching Sirius try to change Harry's diaper was a treat, and Harry laughed freely with Devon nearly in tears of laughter, as baby Harry decided he had to wee in the middle of his changing. Sirius did not think it was funny at all, to say the least, and sent Devon out of the changing room.

Harry followed her out and sat in a chair across from the couch she was relaxing on. Sirius came out moments later with Harry dressed in pajamas yawning widely.

"I think he's getting sleepy."

"Yeah it's getting late" Devon patted the couch next to her and Sirius came over laying his head on her lap and baby Harry on his chest.

Baby Harry snuggled into the fabric of Sirius' shirt wrapping one tiny fist around part of it. Sirius gently stroked Harry's back and kissed his forehead lightly.

"I love this little guy."

"I know, so do I," Devon was running her hand through Sirius's hair; his free hand was tangled in hers.

"I love you, too."

"So do I."

Harry turned away pulling himself out of the pensive; it hurt too much, seeing Sirius so truly happy with Devon and Harry himself. Harry's heart ached with the sorrow he felt for Sirius and his parents, and especially Devon.

"Back already Harry, I expected you gone for much longer. What's wrong?" she asked urgently upon seeing his face.

Harry, not knowing what to say, just hugged her

* * *

The rest of October passed in a blur. Hermione and Harry took to visiting Hagrid when they were out of homework and looking for a way to avoid Ron and Ginny.

Hagrid told them about his summer scoping out the giants and running errands for Dumbledore, and about the progress as he called it that Grawp was making. According to Hagrid, Grawp was no nearly fluent in English and asked for Hermione daily. At this point Hermione suddenly remembered 'that thing' she had to do and left promptly.

Professor Nosizwe started Harry on a different potion that was supposed to 'suppress unwanted demons'. All Harry knew was that it tasted like old sweat socks, and when he mentioned this to her during one of their meetings she replied that that was because the potions main ingredient was old troll sweat socks. Harry found drinking the potion harder after that session.

Harry felt very bad about the situation with Ron, especially after seeing Sirius lose his best friend to marriage. The several times Harry tried to talk to Ron he was stopped by the looks Ron tended to shoot at him if they got within five feet of one another.

Harry was also missing Ginny terribly; they had not spoken so much as a 'hello' to one another since they broke up. During Quidditch practices they avoided each other, and when Gryffindor beat Ravenclaw 180 to 30 in the match near the end of October, Ginny mumbled a small congratulations to Harry in passing. Harry tried to take this for a good sign but the lack of emotion behind it disturbed him.

With Halloween came the promise of the first Hogsmeade trip. Hermione convinced Harry into going with her but he was not looking forward to either Hogsmeade or the feast. Without Ron, the fun things at Hogwarts weren't really fun any more.


	18. Halloween meets Trouble

**Harry Potter's Deepest Fears**

Chapter 18 - Halloween meets Trouble

**Disclaimer: Same as always...**

On the morning of Halloween, Harry and Hermione decided to have breakfast for the first time in a month. When they went down to the Great Hall Ron and Ginny were already there eating. Hermione and Harry picked the part of the table farthest from where they were sitting and began eating.

When the post came in Hermione got her normal Daily Prophet and like always unfolded it and started reading. Harry had just taken a bit of his toast and jam when Hermione screamed so loud that several students looked at her and Ron jumped up looking for what had caused her to scream.

Hermione blushed madly and sunk into her seat, and Ron seeing that she was physical alright sunk into his seat his ears red.

"Hermione, what's wrong?" asked Harry glancing around at the people still staring at them.

"Look!" she said spreading the Prophet on the table in front of Harry.

Harry had to suck in a lot of air to keep from swearing. The Prophet's headline was enough to make his blood run cold.

_Massive Break Out From Azkaban _

_The Ministry of Magic has confirmed the rumors of a massive breakout from Azkaban prison late last night, _writes Roxxi Fuego

_The biggest breakout ever reported occurred last night from Azkaban Wizarding Prison. Minister Bones made a statement that 'all prisoners have been released from their cells and are now at large in the wizarding community. The Dementors, have also left their positions as prison guards under the pretense of joining He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. The Wizarding community is urged to execute extreme caution.' _

_The Ministry has issued a dusk curfew for the wizarding community and urges anyone with information as to the location of any of the prisoners to contact the Ministry immediately. _

_Among the escapees are named Death Eaters who were apprehended last summer in the Department of Ministries._

Harry stopped reading and looked at Hermione who was biting her lip; she looked worried and scared. She kept glancing down at Ron, then to the paper, then Harry.

"It's really started, Harry," she said not looking at him, but at Ron.

"Yeah"

"What if something - d-dreadful happens?" she looked at Harry, sorrow written on every feature of her face. "What if we never make-up? I don't want it to be over between us, Harry. I love him."

"I know, Hermione." Harry was finding it hard to swallow. He glanced at Ron and Ginny in time to see Ginny look away from him quickly.

It seemed to Harry that there were a lot more teachers in Hogsmeadee than normal and that every teacher was milling about the town. Harry and Hermione had even seen Dumbledore having a drink with Hagrid in the Three Broomsticks around lunchtime.

Harry and Hermione shopped the morning away, for once in the five years they had been friends the conversation did not come easily, but was forced. There were too many secrets between them.

After lunch they decided to take a walk up to the Shrieking Shack for the small pleasure of getting away from the milling crowd of Hogwarts students. When they got up to the top of the hill they saw that their hopes of finding it deserted were dashed. Sitting on a rock that over looked the house was none other than Ron.

"Oh, Harry, let's leave please. I can't take any more harsh words between us." Hermione whispered pulling on Harry's cloak.

Harry nodded and turned to leave.

"Five years we've been friends."

Both Harry and Hermione stopped in their tracks, neither daring to speak, breathe, or turn around.

"I never imagined it ending like this; I thought we'd always be friends." Ron stopped and Harry, unable to take it any longer, turned around. Ron was staring at them, his face full of sorrow and hurt, "Five years is a long time."

Hermione turned around and looked at Ron. The facial expression Ron had deepened into extreme sadness.

"The three of us became friends this very night five years ago. I didn't like it either. I hated you, Hermione."

Hermione bit her lower lip, Harry smiled at the memory; he had hated her, too.

"Hated the fact you knew more than me, the fact you had to be right, always, the fact that even then I knew."

No one breathed.

"Knew what?" whispered Hermione after nearly five minutes of silence.

"That I loved you, and loved the fact that you knew more than me, and the fact you had to always be right. You're a pain in the arse, Hermione."

Harry knew he was no longer in this, his two best friends were only aware of one another at that moment. Ron with his face set, angry, hard, and Hermione with her bottom lip sucked in between her teeth, tears in her eyes.

"It's been over a month-" Ron paused. "It's been a month since I've touched you, your hair, your hands, your skin." He took a step closer to Hermione. "It's been a month since I've kissed you. I thought after not kissing you for four years I could just stop. Well I can't. It's been over month since I've said I love you."

Hermione's tears spilled over her eyes as she nodded.

"That's eternally too long." Ron took the remaining two steps to Hermione and pulled her into a very long, very hard kiss that made Harry turn his head out of embarrassment.

Harry waited with his back to them as they told each other how sorry they were and how much they loved each other. Harry smiled, glad that they were back together, but worried all the same that Ron would not befriend him again.

When Harry felt an arm around his shoulders and one around his waist he jumped out of shock.

"Calm down mate."They were the sweetest words ever spoken in Harry's opinion.

"Back to 'mate'?"

"If you'll forgive me."

"Nothing to forgive."

Harry, Ron, and Hermione walked back to the castle, arm in arm, smiling.

The feast was a very good one. Harry didn't think he could be in a better mood. Ron was back as his friend and Hermione and Ron were back together. The only thing that could have improved Harry's mood was if Ginny would forgive him and take him back.

He kept stealing glances at her and found that she was just looking away from him when he looked at her.

_**She misses you Potter, go talk to her**. _

_I'm not supposed to be able to hear you. It's your fault she won't talk to me in the first place. _

_**Blaming me won't get her back, Potter. **_

_Shut up! Professor Nosizwe says you'll be gone in a couple months anyway, so your days are numbered. _

Harry was pleased to not hear a response and turned back to Ron and Hermione who were snuggling up to each other, kissing and laughing.

"You two are sickening!" said Harry, throwing some candy at them.

"I've been away from her for a month, I don't care."

Harry grinned and decided to let them have their fun.

The next week passed in a much more enjoyable fashion. Now that Harry and Ron were speaking, they had a lot more fun at Quidditch practice. Ron kept encouraging Harry, saying that Ginny was just mad and eventually she'd get over it.

"She can hold a grudge Harry and right now she has a big one on you," said Ron after one particularly rough practice. "I'm telling you, she's stubborn and it's going to take her a while but she'll come around."

Harry nodded in agreement as they headed off to the boys changing room, giving Ginny one last longing look.

Mid-November brought with it a whirlwind of frost and cold temperatures. Professor Sprout was very worried about her plants, saying that this was the worst freeze they had seen in many years and had all the years working of insulating the greenhouses.

During Care of Magical Creatures Hagrid was taking them into the forest to shelter them from the piercing cold winds. They covered many of the creatures in the forest and Harry found that Hagrid was getting much better at teaching, showing them no animal above a Ministry Classification of XXX 'Competent wizard should cope'..

Near the end of November the students woke up to nearly four feet of snow on the ground. All Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures classes were canceled for that week and the Hogsmeadee trip planned for that Saturday was next on the chopping block.

"And I was hoping to get my Christmas shopping done," said Hermione when she and Ron got back from their Prefects meeting.

"Where are you going for holiday this year Hermione? Home?" asked Ron as they slumped down in the loveseats.

"I was thinking about it, yes. Mum and Dad miss me terribly. I'm never really home anymore. I mean I'm here at school and then at your house for the summer. They're starting to get upset. What about you two, are you going to Grimmauld Place?"

Ron looked to Harry, who tried to pretend to be very interested in his Defense Against the Dark Arts essay on Innate Muggles. Ron and Hermione would not be so easily fooled; they continued to stare at Harry and until he responded.

Harry had still not told Hermione and Ron about Devon being his would-be Godmother. When she had invited him and his friends to stay at her house in America for Christmas, Harry had been very excited. The only thing that held him back from an immediate yes was Remus. Harry did not want him to be alone for Christmas. But, Devon had laughed and told him Remus had already agreed to come stay the holiday with her. Now all Harry needed to do was tell Ron and Hermione.

"Err- no," he said, vowing to tell them later.

"Well. where are we going? 'Cause I thought we'd be going there and seeing Remus and my family and stuff."

"Well, Remus won't be there, and I've been - we've been invited elsewhere."

"Well?"

"Devon invited us to stay with her in her house in America." Harry said this all very quickly and very casually and went back to his essay, trying to ignore the stunned looks on Ron and Hermione's faces.

"Devon? Isn't that Professor Aingeal's name?" asked Ron, looking to Hermione for help. Hermione just shrugged.

"Yeah, err- I have to tell you two something." Harry glanced at his watch; it was just after six, meaning he wasn't allowed out.

There was, however, a DA meeting tonight. He got up and waved them to the portrait whole.

"Harry, where are you going, what do you need to tell us?"

"Just come on."

The followed him without question. When they got to Devon's office Harry knocked once and then, without waiting for an answer, opened the door.

"Harry, what are you doing? You'll get in trouble," hissed Hermione.

Harry ignored her and walked into the room, finding that Devon had been heading towards the door to open it.

"Harry!" she said warmly. Then, spotting the other two, looked back at Harry questioningly.

"Devon, I need to tell them, but I need your help."

She understood at once.

"Sure, Harry. Why don't you all sit I'll get us something to drink."

"We don't have time, there is a DA meeting tonight."

"We'll cancel it then, this is more important."

Harry nodded and sat down in his usual spot as Devon walked off to get some snacks. Ron and Hermione looked at Harry in astonishment, and after realizing they weren't getting an answer yet, sat down on the other loveseat.

When Devon returned she set the tray of food on the coffee table and also put the Pensive next to the tray. Then she sat down on the loveseat and curled her feet under her, looking to Harry.

"Where do you want to start?" she asked him a moment later.

"I told them you invited me to stay this Christmas."

"Oh yes, you're all welcome. I've spoken to Remus and we're going to have a large dinner at my house. He's inviting your brothers Ron."

"Who are you?" Ron asked, looking shocked. Hermione elbowed him in the ribs obviously thinking that was very rude to do to a teacher.

Devon laughed however, and smiled warmly at both Ron and Hermione.

"I am -" she looked at Harry. "What am I? I'm not really your Godmother, so what am I?"

"You're a friend," he said simply. Devon smiled at him.

"Wait, you said _Godmother?"_ said Hermione sounding as though she had just found a problem in a classroom problem.

"Yes, I should have been Harry's Godmother."

This went on for over three hours, Harry and Devon slowly told Ron and Hermione about what had led to Devon _not _being Harry's legal Godmother. Devon, with the permission of Harry let Ron and Hermione look around the pensive at the memories Harry now knew as his own.

By the time the three went back to the common room, Ron and Hermione were completely filled in on the workings of the month they had not been speaking. Evil Harry was left out of the conversation for the moment, but Ron and Hermione had some what of an idea as to what Harry was thinking. Ron agreed that Christmas in America sounded 'bloody fantastic' and Hermione was thoroughly jealous that she would not be going.

Thanks to a few mildly warm days, and the hard work of Hagrid and a shovel, the Hogsmeade trip was not canceled. Hermione and Ron, who had not done their shopping yet, were excited. Harry, needing to get caught up on some work, decided to stay at school.

Secretly he was hoping Ginny would be staying at school as well and he would have a chance to talk with her about Christmas break, but she was going with Tori, Luna, and Alianna, all whom were talking with each other and Harry again. It seemed that with time the ribbons had been put away and everyone had chosen to forget sides.

Harry, deciding that laying about the common room was much more appealing than studying, found himself relaxed on a couch facing the fireplace for most of the morning.

Around ten-thirty Harry was thinking about getting up to take a walk, possibly go see Hagrid, when the portrait hole opened.

"Mr. Potter!"

Harry was startled to hear Professor McGonagall say his name, and in such an anxious way.

"You, Jenna Phoenix, have you seen Harry Potter, did he go to Hogsmeade today?"

Harry had never heard his teacher sound so desperate, or scared.

"Professor, I'm here." he said pulling himself up, so that he was visible.

Professor McGonagall, her hair standing on end, let out a deep breath and sank into a chair behind her.

"Professor, what's wrong?" Harry was seriously worried about her.

"Where are Mr. and Miss Weasley, Miss Granger? Where are they, Mr Potter?"

"Er- they've all gone to Hogsmeade for the day Professor, why?"

The color drained from Professor McGonagall's face. A deep feeling of unease was rising in the pit of Harry's stomach, making him feel like he needed to throw up.

"All of you," she waved her hand at the first and second years gathered around, "up to your dormitories now! Stay there. A prefect will be with you soon." No one moved. "GO!"

The younger students, looking scared, hurried to the staircases. The feeling in Harry's stomach worsened.

"Professor?" he said quietly.

"Sit down, Mr. Potter."

"I don't want to sit, tell me what's going on," he said a bit too sternly.

"You will, Mr. Potter, there - there's been an attack." She paused as the bottom fell out of Harry's stomach.

"Where, who?"

"On Hogsmeade."

Harry sat down.

**A/N: Ok there it is I am so so so so so so so so so SO sorry that it has taken forever to update but I am now computerless and only get to use the computer about once a week once every two weeks at the most. So please bear with me and thank you for all the wonderful reviews and for sticking with the story even now. I am going to try to get a system down were I can update every couple weeks or so lets just hope it works out and everyone keep there fingers crossed for a computer for Christmas. Thanks again to all of you reading this you don't know how much it means to me! **

**Julia **


	19. Fear thru Diffrent Eyes

**Harry Potter's Deepest Fears**

**Chapter 19** **- Fear through Different Eyes **

**Disclaimer: Same Same**

**A/N: I would first like to say sorry for the very slow update. As you may have guessed I didn't get a computer for Christmas but I am still working on this story. Please enjoy. **

* * *

Hermione and Ron walked hand in hand down Hogsmeads main rode. Hermione had never been happier, the sun was shining, there was a beautiful snow covering the ground, small flaks were falling gently, and Ron was holding her hand. Ron stopped in front of the store Argentarius & Aurarius. Ron held open the door for her.

_What is this? A ring shop!_

Hermione's heart began to beat quickly. She walked into the store Ron closely following her, and held her breathe as Ron took her hand.

"I'm buying you a ring."

Hermione's insides melted, fear gripping her stomach and tying it in knots.

_I'm too young for this, Ronald!_

"I picked it out last trip."

The store clerk brought over a small box. Ron took it and thanked the clerk. Hermione bit her bottom lip and looked up at Ron. He opened the box and Hermione gasped. It was a beautiful ring made of three bands, one gold, one silver and the third a mix of the two. The ring was connected to a very long fine golden chain. Ron pulled the chain out and the rings made a faint clinking sound.

"I don't want another minute to go bye with out you knowing that I love you."

_I'M TOO YOUNG!_

"This is magical bound, the gold ring represents me, the sliver you, and the intertwined our love." he undid the clap and hooked the chain around her neck. "If one of us ever stops loving the other the mixed ring will break into releasing the two other rings. This way even if we fight, or are apart, you'll always know I love you."

Hermione looked up at Ron and smiled.

_Over-reacted. That's all._

"Thank you, I love you too."

They kissed deeply, only pulling apart when they heard the first terrified screams from outside.

* * *

Harry sat on the couch, trying to not panic. Professor McGonagall was saying something to him but he couldn't hear her. His heart was thumping to loud in his ears.

_Ron and Hermione are in Hogsmead. _

"What, what about the people in Hogsmead?" he asked his voice not sounding like his own.

"Teachers and Order members have been called in, Dumbledore is already down there."

_Ginny is there. _

"I'm going too!"

"NO! Mr. Potter you will do no such thing! You are going to stay right here! I was sent to see if you were safe, I hate to think what kind of panic we would be in if our only hope was protection less in Hogsmead."

"SO I'M MORE IMPORTANT THAN RON AND HERMIONE AND GINNY!"

She thought a moment and then with a pained look on her face responded quietly.

"Yes, Mr. Potter you are, because without you, their dead anyway. Now we can't afford to baby-sit you so for once Mr. Potter do what your told and stay here!"

McGonagall turned on heel and stormed out of the portrait hole.

_Stay here, right. Fat chance. _

Harry tore upstairs to grab the invisibility cloak and the Maurder's Map.

* * *

Ginny, Luna, Tori, and Alianna gathered around the Shrieking Shack. Luna was hanging from one of the bare tree branches reading the Quibbler, Alianna was sitting on a rock being her usual quiet and Tori was making a neat little pile of snowballs next to her. Ginny was pacing back and forth ranting about Harry.

_He's such a git!_

"He's such a git! I mean he said he loved me, if he loves me why doesn't he tell me anything. He's been so - so distant lately."

Luna was singing 'Weasley is Our King' under her breathe, Alianna watched Ginny pace not saying anything and Tori offered a few 'exactly's' and 'that's right's', but none of them were really listening to her.

_Harry doesn't listen to me either. _

"Then at time's he's so romantic, that dinner was amazing, most of the time we just figh-"

**BOOM!**

The whole ground shook. Luna tumbled out of the tree, Tori's pile of snowballs tumbled and both Alianna and Ginny fell over. Ginny looked around wildly for the source of the explosion and saw smoke billowing from the main road, she saw hundreds of people running this way, and now in the silence heard the far off screaming.

"What the hell was that?" asked Tori cursing loudly has she helped Alianna and Luna up.

"A Trekish Hormpimple maybe?" asked Luna dreamily.

"I don't know about you three but I don't wanna find out let's head out with the rest of them." said Alianna already moving with the crowd of scared looking students and villagers.

"Yeah let's - let's go." said Ginny quickly unable to tear her eyes away from the smoke for to long.

_I wish you were here Harry.

* * *

_

Hermione and Ron had run out into the street after hearing the screams, everyone from the part of town near the castle was running at them looking scared. Ron glanced at Hermione and grabbing her hand began making their way through the crowd toward the Shreiking Shack.

_Grawp got out! NO! The Death Eaters, but they wouldn't come to Hogsmead. _

**BOOM!**

Hermione's hand was ripped from Ron's and she was thrown 10 feet through the air, landing in the middle of the street with a hard thump, as pieces of burning wood rained down around her. Hermione tried to stand but felt as though every bone had been broken in her body. Around her people screamed in terror, running past paying no attention to those who were laying on the ground not moving.

_RON!_

Hermione struggled to her feet and looking back toward the castle saw at least 40 people in black hooded cloaks headed her way.

_For once I'd love to be wrong.

* * *

_

Harry heard the loud 'boom' from in his room, looking out his window he saw black smoke billowing up from Hogsmead. The explosion only made Harry move faster, quickly pulling the cloak over him and checking the map.

He made his way to the one-eyed witch and started running the long path to Honeydukes. Harry didn't care who saw him coming out of the floor of the store, as he burst through the trap door her found the basement deserted.

He walked up the stairs taking them 3 at a time and ran into the street. Harry looked around and found this part of Hogsmead deserted. The Three Broomsticks was gone, what was left of it was burning to the ground; the whole front wall was blown away. Harry saw what could only be the remains of humans bent over chairs and turned over tables. He looked away unable to think of who that might have been.

Harry ran toward the Shrieking Shack looking in every building, nearly half of them were burned, each with it's own mess of twisted bodies. In the buildings that were not burned Harry found people laying dead, slightly shocked expressions on their faces and greenish tints over their bodies.

Harry ran the best he could with the cloak on, checking every building and side street. The business section of Hogsmead was completely deserted except for the dead. When Harry got to the Shrieking Shack he found, a ripped Quibbler the name on the front cover to who it belong was Ginny Weasley.

Harry fell to his knees and cried

"GINNY!"

* * *

Ginny and the girls ran with the crowd of people, quickly moving into the residential part of Hogsmead. Here people poking their heads out of their doors were shouting bits of information to each other.

"Blasted apart the Three Broomsticks..."

"...over 40 Death Eaters."

"Yes that's right Roxanne, headed to my Mother's in London..."

"Jimmy! Jimmy! Mary Sue have you seen my Jimmy!..."

Ginny looked over her shoulder to be sure that her friends were behind her. They were on her heels all of them with wands out looking very out of breathe. Ginny detoured into a yard with high hedging and slumped down below it. Tori, Luna and Alianna slumped down with her all breathing heavy.

"We've been running forever!" said Tori out of breath

"Ron and Hermione are in town!" she said franticly not listening to Tori.

"I'm sure they're with the crowd."

"What if their NOT!"

_What if- if their dead? _

Tori grabbed Ginny by the shoulders.

"We can't go back Ginny! We need to get out of here, over 40 Death Eaters!"

Ginny shoved Tori away roughly.

"HE'S MY BROTHER! I'M NOT LEAVING HIM!"

"How about-" said Luna calmly. "Ginny and I got back and look for Ronald and Hermoine and you two go look for help?"

"Fine with me, Alianna?"

She nodded, Ginny stood up and peered over the hedges, more people were running this way, this group was covered in soot and ash from the explosion.

"We, better go now, while we have the chance."

The four girls hugged tightly.

Noneknowing when they would see each other again, alive.

* * *

Hermione staggered up and started running away from the Death Eaters who were dividing into the different shops. She cringed as she saw two Death Eaters lock the doors of Zonko's and set it on fire. She heard the cries of her classmates and tried to run the store and let them out.

"NO! Hermione, there's nothing you can do for them!" Ron held her back; she crumbled in his arms as the painful cries came from with in the burning walls.

"We h-have to try!" she cried.

"Not if it means I lose you! Let's go."

Ron tried to pull her down the street away from the Death Eaters who were getting closer to them with each second.

_I can't let them die!_

Hermione dug her heels into the ground against Ron, screaming at him to let her go. Hermione's screams attracted the attention of the Death Eaters, two of them; there faces concealed behind black hoods started towered them.

"Ron-" Hermione said desperately, walking backward slowly and fumbling for her wand.

"Run! Hermione run!"

Hermione, Ron's hand tightly clutching hers ran for her life, her wand in her other hand hanging uselessly at her side.

* * *

Harry picked himself up and began running towards the residential houses. Looking around for signs of Death Eaters.

When he got to the second house he found the Death Eaters terrorizing the running crowd, shooting the killing curse at their backs and lighting every house on fire with a spell that could not be put out. New sounds filled Harry's ears, the cries of people as their homes burned around them. It was a sound that would live in Harry forever. Children ran unprotected trying to fins their parents. The Death Eaters killed them like annoying flies.

_Where is the Order? Where is Dumbledore?_

**_They've gone scared Potter, what are YOU going to do about the people dieing around you?_**

_I'm going to find Ginny, and Ron and Hermione._

_**Come on Potter, let me have a bit of fun, let me kill some of this bastards!**_

_Shut UP!_

Harry making sure that he was completely covered by the cloak ducked behind a tree and shot stunning spells at a few of the Death Eaters. Then making sure to be careful of the cloak ran to another tree and did the same.

Harry kept dodging the curses they were sending blindly out in his direction.

_Come on move away from the people. Move away!_

Slowly the Death Eaters, searching for the stunner moved away from the crowd looking for him. Harry ran past them and into the crowd. Once covered by people Harry whipped off the cloak and stuffed it in his bag.

Harry ran through the crowds of people looking for anyone he knew. Harry saw many Hogwarts students and a lot of DA members.

_None of them are fighting! _

_**What do you expect Potter, their nothing but kids, chicken kids. Even your great Dumbledore has turned chicken!**_

_YOU LIE!_

_**Then were is he, Potter?**_

_I dunno._

To Harry that was the hardest thing to admit.

Harry ran on, trying not to think why Dumbledore and the Order were not up here trying to save people and looking for a glimpse of bright ginger red hair. Harry kept thinking he saw some but every time he looked again all he was bushy brown hair.

_Bushy brown...HERMIONE!_

Harry dodged a few more people.

"RON! HERMIONE!" the bushy brown hair whipped around to reveal Ron carrying Hermione over his shoulder.

Harry ran to them, never so please to see either of them, but Hermione wasn't moving.

_No! No!_

Ginny ran back toward Hogwarts trying searching the crowd, looking for any sign of Ron or Hermione. She and Luna ran past so many students. Many of them injured, many of them grabbing her and Luna's arms to try to make them go the opposite way.

Ginny paid them no mind and when it was necessary used her wand to get them to leave her alone. She and Luna ran full force past everything and everyone.

Then standing in the middle of the road like a rock in a river the sea of people flowing around them was Ron, Hermione flung lifelessly over his shoulder, and he was talking to Harry.

_RON! HARRY!_

Love and thankfulness urged inside of Ginny, with a glance at Luna she ran full force toward Harry and Ron and Hermione.

"Ron, what's wrong- what's wrong with Hermione?" he asked dreading the answer.

Ron looked over his shoulder, a paranoid gesture, then whipped around dropping Hermione gently onto the ground were she crumbled in a heap, a blur of red hair ran to him and jumped in Ron's arms. It took Harry a moment to realize that the blur was Ginny.

_THANK YOU!_

Ginny let go of Ron, who was immediately tackled by Luna. Ginny jumped into Harry's arms.

Harry let the tears fall as he hugged her.

Moments later he let her feet touch the ground again and his thoughts turned back to Hermione.

"Ron- is she- please tell me she's not-" Harry stated finding it hard to finish.

"Huh? Oh Hermione? No she's fine, but I had to stun her, she couldn't handle the screams from inside the buildings, and we couldn't afford to stop, they were right on us."

Harry breathed another sigh of relief.

The relief was short lived though. Harry looking behind him saw a large group of Death Eaters making their way towards the four of them.

"Ron! Wake up Hermione. We need to get out of here." Harry grabbed Ginny's hand and started pulling her through the crowd of people, shoving and pushing people away.

Ron, Hermione and Luna brought up the rear, keeping close to Harry and Ginny as they ran.

They came to a hill over looking the farming lands of Hogsmead. At the bottom of the hill were members of the Order, teachers, and Dumbledore fighting off another batch of Death Eaters. Near the bottom of the hill people were panicking not knowing which way to turn. The Death Eaters circled the villagers and students, taunting, torturing and killing those they pleased.

Harry was running as fast as he could but kept feeling the Death Eaters' curses come very close to his head. Harry was sure one of them would hit soon enough.

As Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione came to the bottom flat part the four of them skidded to a halt, standing in front of them was a strange, frightening scene. Alianna stood over Tori's dead body her wand pointed at Bellatrix. Bellatrix had her won wand pointed at Alianna's heart.

_**Look what we have here Potter, isn't she the one, the one who killed him.**_

_SHUT! UP! _

Rage boiled in Harry, pure hateful rage, this woman had taken Sirius and now she was about to take Alianna too, Harry wouldn't allow it.

"Ah, if it isn't wee baby potty, come to save your wittle friend?" she said in the baby voice she reserved for Harry.

She smiled coldly at Harry and turned back to Alianna.

"AVADA-"

_**Potter, let me at her! Let me kill her! Please!**_

Harry could feel Evil Harry pushing his mind to the back, trying to take over. The rage inside him prevented it though.

_NOT THIS TIME!_

Harry wand ready lunged at Bellatrix, shouting as he went.

"AVADA..."

Surprise came to her face as she tried to turn around in time to block it. Harry was to quick though he got the rest of the curse out before she could fully turn.

"...Kedavra!"

A jet of deathly green light flew out of the end of Harry's wand. Power surged through him, evil hateful power from deep in the pit of his stomach. The curse hit Bellatrix in the chest as she turned around, her face one of furey and shock, her jet black hair taking on a greenish tint.

She never had time to scream.

"NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!"

Harry looked around for the source of the anguished cry. Alianna had fallen to her knees beside Tori, her eyes full of tears. Hot anger written on every inch of her face.

"Harry no! She knew! She knew about me! SHE KNEW MY PARENTS!" Alianna looked up at Harry with tears and anger. "SHE KNEW!"

Harry's own rage still boiling in him toppled over.

"I DON'T CARE! SHE KILLED SIRIUS! SHE TOOK HIM AWAY! SHE WAS ABOUT TO KILL YOU! I SAVED YOU!"

"I NEVER ASKED TO BE SAVED DAMN IT!"

Alianna was about to say something more when a blue shimmer dissolved into Devon.

Harry who knew about her being a Whitelighter was not shocked but the other five (who were alive) looked at her with curiosity and wonder.

Devon stood there looking from the dead form of Tori, to the crying Alianna, to Harry who was still clutching his wand magical energy bubbling around him, and then finally to Bellatrix, still glowing green, with shocked eyes.

"Oh dear." she whispered quietly. "Pick up Miss. Talons, everyone come here. Make sure you're all touching."

She gathered them in a group and making sure no one was left out, orbed in a blue shimmer light.

When they reappeared again they were in a pure white building, hundreds of people, young and old were milling about looking as confused as Harry felt. Harry looked up to the only thing was not white. A huge sign hung above what could only be called a reception desk, it read: WELCOME TO THE BEYOND


	20. The Beyond

Harry Potter's Deepest Fears

Chapter 20 - The Beyond

Disclaimer: Always the same

* * *

The seven of them stood in the bright white room, Ron still holding Tori's lifeless body in his arms. Harry had never been more confused, luckily he wasn't the only one, all around them were thousands of people milling around looking lost and confused, young and old alike.

"Listen to me." said Devon pointing a long finger at them and looking stern. "Stay here. Don't talk to anyone! Don't move! Don't do anything!" she looked pointedly at Harry. "This goes double for you boy!"

In a flash she walked through the crowd, pushing people out of her way as she went. One women stopped her, grabbing her arm tears flowing freely.

"MY JIMMY! WHERE IS MY BABY? HELP ME PLEASE!"

Ginny made a small noise next to Harry.

"Alianna! Luna! Look!" she said pointing at the women Devon was talking to. "That's that woen we saw in Hogsmead the one looking for her son!"

They all exchanged dark looks, each was drawing there own conclusions about this place. When Harry glanced over at Devon again she had managed to get the women to let her go and had cut her way to the front of the line. She walked up and looked at the receptionist like an old friend.

"Se'ree, I need a room for eight complete with bed and monitor for about six hours!"

The receptionist looked up and nearly jumped out of her skin.

"Jesus Mary and Joseph! Dear Lord child! Who do you think you are making those such demands! You haven't even been here to say a decent hello in nearly 15 years!" Se'ree sounded like a mother scolding a grown child for not calling more.

"Se'ree! Please it's an emergency!" Devon begged.

"AN emergency! AN EMERGENCY! I will show you an emergency." she turned Devon around to look at the thousands of people milling about. "THAT! That is an emergency. I have to process nearly 80 thousand more new arrivals! Plus we've had an unexpected rush of wizards in the past hour, over 200 wizards that were not suppose to show up today! And you want me to put you before those people!"

Harry looked at the others who stood open mouthed watching the scene before them. Devon turned back toward the desk.

"Se'ree please! Begging, groveling, forgiveness, and all that shit if you get me a room right now! You'd had seven more to add to that growing list if I didn't bring them here! Please I'm pleading with you, have mercy!"

Se'ree seemed to think of it a moment and then handing Devon a card looked to were they all stood some 25 feet away.

"65 45 32 11, you have six hours."

"Thank you! I owe you big time Se'ree!" she turned to go.

"Good to have you back Cliodna, they've missed you. Especially the new arrival." Se'ree said without waiting for Devon to turn.

Harry watched as her face changed with rapid speed, she seemed happy and terribly sad all at once.

**_It's called coldfire Potter._**

_Huh?_

_**Coldfire, it's the emotion she's feeling. Happy and sad all at once. **_

_Shut up_

Devon walked back to were they stood and sticking the card between her teeth grabbed Harry and Alianna's hands.

"Oh my God! Harry Ron look Dean!" said Hermione in pointing towards Dean Thomas.

Devon turned them quickly around shushing them all.

"Holm Hamds." she said through the mouthful. "Thimk of the muber.. aggh holm om." she pulled the card out of her mouth. "Hold hands and think of the numbers 65 45 32 11 in that order okay?"

They nodded their understanding and she stuck the card back between her teeth and grabbed Harry's hand again. Harry thought about the number and just as he was getting to the 11 part they shimmered away in that blue light.

Harry still holding on to Devon and Ginny's hands tried to suppress the shudder that came with the blue light.

"Yeah it's cold I know, Ron put Tori on the bed please." Devon said walking toward the table in the middle of the room and setting her wand and card on it.

Harry looked around they were in a windowless, door less, stark white room. Everything was white, the walls the floors, and even the furniture. There was a single bed which was now occupied by Tori. There was two couches and a white box that looked to Harry to be a TV.

Devon was talking her hair and putting it into a high bun. Alianna fell on to one of the nearest couches and glanced at Tori.

Ginny hugged Harry and started to cry and Luna, who as normally always cheerful sat beside Alianna and put her arm around her. Hermione and Ron hugged both looking lost.

_Tori..._

Harry felt bad, although they had not been very good friends Harry found her nice enough and Ginny and her were good friends. With out a word to anyone Devon walked over to Tori and started pulling off the girls cloak.

"What are you doing!" asked Alianna sounding more loud and forceful than Harry had ever heard her sound.

"Quiet!"

Devon ran her hands over Tori's body, keeping them inches from actually touching her. Harry watched her with a fierce intensity. Slowly Tori's skin began to glow a soft golden color. Devon's hands moved faster over her body pausing for a few second when she reached Tori's head and chest. The glowing grew brighter and brighter until it filled the whole room.

Harry's eyes darted from Tori to Devon, Tori seemed to becoming to life before his eyes. Her skin darkening in the color, her eyes growing bright. Devon on the other hand seemed to be draining. She was getting paler and paler (which for her Harry thought it'd be impossible to get and paler). In a rush of magic that seemed to come from open windows that weren't there Tori sucked in a deep breath and sat up coughing. The glowing stopped and Devon slumped to the floor looking very drained.

Alianna sat staring at her for just a minute, Luna who's arm was still around Alianna's shoulder fell to the couch Luna's mouth slightly open. Hermione sniffed once and stared at her in shock.

"Tor-Tori?" asked Ginny looking stunned.

Tori's coughing fit subsided and she looked around the room weakly but very very much alive.

Alianna was the first to move, diving toward the bed and hugging Tori tightly tears flowing freely.

"Tori Tori Tori Tori I killed you...it's all my f-fault...I'm s-s-so sorry...I thought you w-ere...You were dead...Oh Tori I thought I lost you j-just like C-calla!" her words were barely conceivable through her gasping sobs.

Alianna was the first piece of the tidal wave, soon everyone was leaping over Devon who sat drained on the floor and on to the bed hugging Tori and crying. They had one a small victory at that moment.

After the confusion of Tori being alive, everyone gathered around the couches waiting patiently for Devon to explain. They had a lot of questions. Harry had a few of his own but let the others ask first.

Questions about what she was, the different powers she had, what she had done to Tori.

Devon answered them all calmly and truthfully. She was a whitewitch which was half Whitelighter and half witch. There were two kinds, those that favored the magic of the witch and those that favored the magic of the Whitelighter, Devon favored witchcraft making her an outcast among her people. She could do wand magic like every other witch but had inherited some powers from her father, a full blood Whitelighter, those powers including orbing and healing. She simple stated that Tori, who had not been dead but in a sort of magical coma, had been healed.

When the others had spent there questions Harry asked the one burring him.

"What is this place?" he stated simply.

Devon looking uneasy stood up slowly, still weak from the healing spell she had done, and started pacing.

"This is The Beyond, the place you come when you die."

Hermione stared at her for a moment and then lost it.

"Wait wait wait! What about Heaven, I refuse to believe that my faith is - is false!"

"Calm down Hermione, this _is _Heaven, and it's Hell."

"I don't understand."

Neither did Harry, but not being a very religious person, his aunt and uncle had never let him come to church, he let his mind wander only half listening.

_place were you come when you die..._

"This is Heaven and Hell Hermione, everyone when they die come here, once here you are processed down stairs, Se'ree looks at your life, what you've done in it, what your faith is, what you believe in and by that evaluation you are given a room. Each room is blank, like this one, until you are placed in one and then it changes, into either your Heaven, or you Hell depending on how you've lived your life."

_everyone..._

"Everyone?" asked Harry with sudden fire.

Devon looked at him cautiously.

"Yes Harry, everyone."

"In this building, in one of these rooms, _every single person?" _he asked again looking livid.

"Well, yes, wait no... not ghost, if you choose to be a ghost then no you don't come here."

Harry's mind was reeling, if everyone was here that meant.

"Sirius-" he said very slowly.

All around him dawning appeared on their faces.

"Mum." said Ginny.

"Dad." Ron said in awe.

"Your parent's Harry." said Hermione slowly nodding happily.

"My parents! Tori my parents!"

"Of course that would mean my Mum as well." said Luna in her every dreamy voice, and then to the shock of everyone Luna fell over, passed out cold, hitting her head on the white table blood staining the pure whiteness of the room.

"Bloody Hell!" shouted Ron.

Devon cursed so bad that Hermione covered her mouth in surprise. Devon rushed over to Luna and began healing her head. When Luna finally woke Devon made her sit on the bed with Tori.

"How come this is isn't written down! There's not a book in print about this?" Hermione said sliding to the floor very slowly looking lost, coming to the conclusion that something very important was NOT in a book. "I've done research on Whitelighter there is NOTHING about THIS place anywhere!"

"No there isn't. It is not written about in any books."

Hermione looked wounded about this bit of information and sat with her arms crossed over her chest, bitting her bottom lip.

Harry felt the rage that was responsible for Bellatrix's death rising in him again.

"YOU!" said Harry pointing a finger at Devon's heart. "You knew about this place the whole time?" Harry was hurt and angry, he had shared his grief with this women and she had know a way to make it all go away. "You knew and never- YOU NEVER TOLD ME!"

"Harry-"

Harry turned away from her glancing at Alianna who was sitting on the couch, she looked to be in shock.

"Holy Hell." she mumbled.

"I have a really bad headache, if anyone cares." said Tori form on the bed. Luna nodded but no one else even glanced at her.

Ginny was still holding on to Harry, seeming to not be able to stand with out hsi support.

"Mum- an-and Dad, Harry?" she looked at him confused. Harry shrugged the weight of the day getting to him.

"Harry please let me explain!" Devon's voice had a note of pleading in it.

"I think you've done enough talking!" said Ron looking as anger as Harry felt. "You watched us all year! Fight! Struggle! OUR PARENTS WERE STOLEN FROM US!" Ron lunged at Devon picking her up easily and slamming her against the wall, a tiny crack ran up from her body. "DAMN YOU!" he punched the wall near her head.

With a glance around the room she orbed out of Ron's grasp to the other side of the room.

"Don't think that you are stronger than me Mr. Weasley. Don't be that niave." she said her voice dangerously low, a growl nearly.

"HOLY HELL!" shouted from Alianna's tiny frame causing them all to look her way. "They're here! Show them to me now! I demand it! Hell you could have shown me the whole time...Your twisted Devon! She said they were real! They are real...real...Oh Hell my brother...DEVON!"

Alianna seemed to be breaking down and getting stronger all at once. Her green eyes were on fire buring into Harry and Devon.

"She knew...she knew. She had all the...ALL THE ANSWERS! And you do to!" she was pointing a shaking finger at Devon.

"Yeah you do! All this time! All the talks! After everything! I want to see my parents! NOW!" Harry was losing his temper, his voice mixing with Alianna's as they continued to scream at Devon.

"We want to see our Mum and Dad!" shouted Ginny and Ron together.

Hermione, Tori and Luna stared at the four of them from the bed, as they continued to scream at there Professor. Harry could tell she was getting madder by the minute. Harry could feel the magical energy building in the room with each passing second but found that he didn't care.

The air seemed to buzz as though filled with bees. As he continued to yell at her he saw out of the corner of his eye Hermione helping Luna and Tori under the bed for protection.

"SILENCE!"

Devons voice was as loud as ten people using the full force of a soronus charm. Devon had a strange glow about her and seemed to grow before Harry's eyes. Her eyes, normally jade green, grew darker turning black her hair unweaved itself from the loose bun and turned black, this against her already pale skin made her glow more. Harry looked down and saw that she was not growing up floating in the air. the glowing continued to grow until it finally exploded outward causing the room to shake and Harry, along with Ron, Ginny, and Alianna to be knocked off their feet.

Devon quietly floated to the floor her hair and eyes still pitch black, her skin still glowing strangely.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the wait... still no computer. I just want to thank everyone for their wonderful reviews. Also any mistakes are entirely my own... I've unfortantly lostmy Beta anyone intrested please respond via email... Thanks

Juila


	21. Stick Together

**Harry Potter's Deepest Fears **

**Chapter 21 – Stick Together**

**Disclaimer: Same as always I own nothing except the things I've made up such as Devon.**

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who has continued to read this story I know it's been a long slow process but I do thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Also a great big shout out to my new beta I couldn't have done it with out you hun! Thanks again. **

**Please let me know how you all feel about this chapter it was a though one to write but it needed to be done please don't kill me!

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Harry watched in awe from the floor as Devon's eyes returned to their normal color and her skin stopped glowing. The air around her seemed to crackle with electricity.

"Damn it! Do you know how long it will take for this to fade?" she asked, pointing to her hair.

The normality of that statement made Harry laugh.

"It's not funny Harry! Now all of you listen to me! No one is leaving this room. First off, do any of you know your parents' room numbers? NO! You don't and neither do I!"

"We could ask that lady, Se'ree," said Harry furiously. Devon threw her hands in the air.

"You think it's that easy! Did you see what it took to for me to get _this _room? I am not authorized to take you anywhere but here. None of you should have ever come here! There are rules to this kinda stuff! There are channels you have to go through, clearances you have to get, and I'm not the most popular person up here," she finished, with a note of hurt in her voice.

"Why not?" Harry normally would have felt bad for her, but not when both his parents and Sirius were somewhere in this building.

"Well, first off it's the fact that I'm a whitewitch. Then there is the fact I haven't been here in over 15 years! The higher powers tend to get a bit pissed when that happens."

"But I mean, they were your best friends; surely you know their room numbers?" Harry was grasping at straws, feeling the same downfall that he had at the end of last year.

"You would think that wouldn't you?" Devon looked older in that moment. She looked at Harry and he could see raw pain in them. "The truth of the matter is that, I've never-" she stumbled. "I've never been to see them."

Harry didn't know how to reply. Devon seemed to think that the conversation was over and sat down on the couch curling her feet under her.

"We're here for another 4 hours, best make yourselves comfy."

Harry slumped into a corner, knees bent, arms on his knees, head on his arms, wishing he could just disappear. When a warm body came over and sat next to him, he barely noticed. He caught a glimpse of red hair as Ginny laid her head on his shoulder.

"Hey."

Harry didn't say anything; they had not talked in so long. This act, making it feel like they had not broken up, hurt too much to acknowledge.

"Why'd you come into town today?"

She was trying to make conversation, but Harry just sat, his head still bent. He wasn't sure he wanted to forgive her yet.

"Harry?"

**_Potter, talk to her! She's trying to make conversation. This isn't easy for her!_**

_It's not easy for me either!_

"I love you," she said quietly.

Harry could feel not only tears, but something squeeze his heart. Those were the sweetest words ever spoken. Harry slipped an arm around Ginny, pulling her close to him.

"I love you too," he whispered.

Harry and Ginny sat there for a long time. Ginny tucked carefully under Harry's arm, Harry gentle stroking her arm.

What the rest were doing Harry didn't know, nor did he care. His thoughts ran like a picture reel. Over and over again he watched from outside himself as he killed Bellatrix. Not Evil Harry, but him, the real Harry. The thought chilled him to the bone.

"I killed someone," he said finally.

"Yeah," Ginny whispered, Harry could not detect any emotion.

"I liked it." Ginny moved closer to him, wrapping her arms around his midsection and holding on tightly.

"I know, your eyes give you away." Still no emotion.

"What does that mean Gin?" his voice picking up a note of panic. Harry didn't want to enjoy it, but at that moment, seeing Bellatrix getting ready to take another friend from him he liked it, loved the feeling of her death.

"It means you're human, Harry."

Harry pulled Ginny to him tighter, holding her for all his life.

"I don't wanna be that way Gin," he said through his tears.

"I know honey, I know."

The next four hours passed in a blur. Harry and Ginny stayed in their corner, not moving or speaking to anyone. Ron and Hermione fell asleep on the couch. Luna, Tori and Alianna gathered on the bed whispering to each other softly. All the while Devon sat on the other couch looking beat. Apparently, when one did too much wand less magic they were drained.

Soon enough though, Devon stood up, and on her passing woke Hermione and Ron up.

"Come on, our stay is over. Everyone stand in a circle."

They all stood, watching Devon carefully. She took Harry and Alianna's hands and told them to think of Hogwarts. They did, and in an instant were inside the Great Hall. Harry turned around and saw the whole school staring at them; on each face was fear and curiosity.

Harry felt uneasy among the students. Nearly half were dirty, covered in dust, ash and soot from the fires in Hogsmeade. They all looked broken and sad, and Madam Pomfrey was walking around, hurriedly checking on the more serious wounds.

"Ah, Devon, welcome back. I trust you had no problems?"

"No major ones," she said, looking to her still black hair.

Harry saw Dumbledore smile a bit and turn to the rest of them.

"If you'll all take your seats, we are taking a census," he said somberly.

The six Gryffindors said goodbye to Luna and headed for the table, looking around at the broken faces of students who had seen too much today.

"This is bad," said Ron, as they sat down at a Gryffindor table that was obviously missing people.

"Dean! Ron, Dean, we saw him, at he was in the-" Hermione seemed unable to finish; they all knew they had lost a friend.

"Students, we are about to start the census, I ask for quiet. When we call your name please, using your wand, shoot up green sparks. If we call a name of someone you know to be- gone, please send up red sparks. This is a very sad, long process but a necessary one."

Hermione pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill.

"What are you doing?" hissed Ron.

"I want to know who - who…" She didn't finish.

"Aacrean, Timothy," called Dumbledore's sad voice, and from near the back of the Hall at the Hufflepuff table came green sparks.

The process took a longtime, slowly going through every student. Hermione was not the only one keeping a list of the dead and missing; Professor McGonagall was keeping one as well, and Hermione predicted that they would check that list against one from The Beyond to see who was dead and who was missing.

"Thomas, Dean," said Dumbledore nearly an hour later.

The six friends glanced at each other, none of them knowing who should send sparks. Harry was about to stand up when he felt Ginny push him back down.

"I'll do it." Shakily getting to her feet, Ginny shot the red sparks into the air, tears running down the Gryffindor faces.

They had been hit hard, losing the most students thus far out of any house. When all names had been called, Dumbledore asked them to be patient while they double-checked the list. Harry and the others gathered around Hermione , looking at the names of the dead. In Hermione's neat handwriting was the dreadful list.

_Gryffindors_

_Lavender Brown_

_Colin Creevey_

_Dennis Creevey_

_Seamus Finnigan_

_Andrew Krike_

_Neville Longbottom_

_Natalie MacDonald_

_Parvarti Patil_

_Dean Thomas_

_Sarah Venturety_

_William Zener_

_Zoe Zewnt_

_Total 12_

_Ravenclaws_

_Stewart Ackerley_

_Terry Boot_

_Cho Chang_

_Rodger Davis_

_Su Li_

_Padma Patil_

_Marina Waberton_

_Total 7_

_Hufflepuffs_

_Hannah Abbott_

_Elenor Branstone_

_Megan Jones_

_David Stebbins_

_Greg Summers_

_Matthew Summerby_

_Total 6_

_Total 25 dead_

They looked at the list. Harry had never been sadder. So many lives lost, so many friends gone.

_Cho... Neville... NO!_

Harry looked away. It hurt to think about any of it.

"Alianna, no Seamus, no! Alianna!" Tori's voice was high pitched and hurt. Alianna hugged her and let Tori cry on her shoulder.

"We have checked the list and it is official. There are no missing, and that we can be thankful for." Dumbledore paused, clearly in pain at losing so many students. "The Christmas Holiday will start early in light of recent events. Tomorrow we will have a going away feast. I am requesting that everyone go home and be with their families over the next month. Let's eat some dinner and rest our weary heads."

Dumbledore sat down and food appeared on the tables. The only table that could be seen eating was the Slytherin table. Every other student sat quietly crying over the lost.

"Notice how none of the Slytherins were killed." said Ron with less anger than normal.

"Yeah," agreed Harry without much conviction. He was thinking about break. He would be at Devon's house and still hadn't gotten an answer as to who was coming with him.

"Listen everyone, you too Alianna, we're going to Devon's house for break. No arguments. Hermione, work it out with your folks, but you have to be there. We need to stick together, especially now." Harry waited for someone to argue. No one did.

Not being able to stomach food, they carefully stood up and were the first to leave the Great Hall, heading to dormitories with too many beds in them.


	22. Pittsburgh PA, USA

**Harry Potter's Deepest Fears**

**Chapter 22- Pittsburgh Pa, USA**

**Disclaimer: Same same

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Harry, Ron, Ginny, Hermione, Alianna, and Tori arrived at the common room, looked at each other sadly, and walked to their respective staircases.

"Night."

"Goodnight Mione."

"Night Ronald, night Harry."

Harry and Ron walked up the staircases, silently pausing for a moment outside their door. Ron took the lead and pushed it open. Five beds were space evenly around the center basin of water. Ron's and Harry's were closest to the window, with Neville's near the door and Dean's and Seamus' near the loo. Harry stopped in the doorway, unable to enter the room. Tears stung his eyes. Ron stood by him, not moving.

Harry let his eyes drift around the room. Dean's West Ham Soccer poster hung on the wall by his bed, still unmoving. Neville's potted _Mimbulus Mimbletonia_ was sitting on his bedside table. Seamus' bed sat in the middle between Dean's and Harry's, neatly made by one of the house elves. One of his school robes lay over the end.

Harry walked into the room and sat on his own bed, unable to take his eyes from the three that were empty.

Three quick raps on the door made both Ron and Harry jump. Ron, being taller than Harry, hit his head on the bed frame and swore loudly, rubbing the bump.

Harry walked over and opened the door to reveal Hermione, clad in her pajamas. Her face was set, looking sad.

"Hermione?"

"Err- I- I'm the only one left-"

Ron walked over to the door and pulled Hermione into a fierce hug. She immediately broke into tears.

"There're all- I - empty beds-" Harry only got fragments through her sobs. Ron looked over Hermione's shoulder at Harry, shrugging slightly.

"Right," said Harry, striding out of the room. He got to the foot of the girls' staircase, performed a quick Sonorus Charm on himself, and shouted up the stairs.

"GINNY, TORI, ALIANNA!" Within seconds the three girls, all in their nightgowns, flew down the stairs looking worried and scared.

When they saw Harry, they stopped.

"You bellowed?" said Tori, without her usual sarcasm.

"Boys' dormitory now," he said without explanation, pointing to the boys staircase.

One by one, each giving Harry a curios glance, they filed past him.

Once in the room they all turned to look at him. Hermione and Ron were sitting on Ron's bed, also looking at Harry. Hermione's eyes were still very red.

"Ron, can you get off the bed please?" asked Harry, sounding much calmer then he felt.

Ron moved looking even more confused. Harry took out his wand and started directing his bed so that it was next Ron's, performing an engorgement spell on the two beds so that they grew big enough for six people. Once done, he looked to the others.

"We're going to stick together."

Slowly, with slight half smiles on their faces, they filed past Harry and climbed into the huge bed. Harry took Ginny's hand, climbed in last and pulled the covers to his chin. After a moment of everyone getting set, they all fell quiet.

"Night everyone," Harry said, pulling off his glasses and putting an arm around Ginny.

"Night."

"G'night."

"Goodnight."

"Nighty."

"Sweet Dreams."

Harry fell asleep with surprising ease.

With no classes to attend, the next morning was a sad one. Students milled around the school and their common rooms, meeting up with friends and mourning those who were lost. The six Gryffindor's stayed in the dormitory for most of the day, not wanting to be the subject of questions, or see the emptiness of the school.

When everyone was awake, they took turns using the loo, and the girls went to their own rooms to change. After they came back, Hermione transfigured the beds into armchairs and tables, and they set about passing the time. Throughout the morning trunks were packed for holiday, letters to family assuring their safety were written, and time passed slowly. Ron and Harry, feeling that it would not be fair to make either their classmates parents nor a house elf do the work, took down the personal items of Dean, Seamus and Neville and packed them, along with their other belongings into the three boys' trunks. They included a long letter to each boys, guardians telling them how sorry they were for their loss.

Harry felt that by far Neville's letter was the hardest to write. He felt he needed to tell Neville's Gram that last year he had fought bravely and showed talent, just like his father.

Considering the tears, they got the work done surprisingly early and went to work on the girls' letters in Hermione's room, after Hermione performed a spell on the stair case so that it would allow Ron and Harry to come up.

With an hour to spare they had packed and written letters to Neville, Dean, Seamus, Lavender, Pavarti, and a girl Harry had never really talked to but was in Hermione's dorm, Zoe. When this was done, Harry and Ron decided to pass the time with a game of Wizard's Chess. Hermione and Alianna worked on potions and Tori spent the time making her hair black, strand by strand. Ginny sat somberly on the loveseat next to Harry, not doing much of anything.

The farewell feast was a melancholy affair. When they walked into the Great Hall at noon it had been decorated with black drapes, and the sky outside seemed to reflect the mood inside. It was a dreary day and large gray clouds hug low in the sky.

Pictures of all 25 students that had been lost were hung behind the teachers' table, and the teachers themselves all wore black. Harry caught Devon's eye and tried to smile. Her hair was still black and hung around her face and shoulders as normal, but today black looked to be consuming her.

Harry had never heard the Great Hall be so quiet, unless someone was about to speak. Dumbledore stood and for a few moments didn't say anything. Harry for the first time was struck by how old Dumbledore truly was. Today he looked old, and weary.

"Students! I do hope you have slept well. Today is a day for mourning. Behind me are the pictures of the 25 students lost in yesterday's attack." Dumbledore paused for a moment. Had it really only been yesterday? It felt like a lifetime ago. "The truth is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution, but the truth is that Lord Voldemort murdered those members of our family!" To Harry's surprise, no one moved or made a sound at the mention of Voldemort's name, and Harry could swear he saw a small smile spread across Dumbledore's face. "Please let us stand, and raise our glasses to honor those who perished in this most tragic attack." Everyone stood, glasses in hand.

"To the lost!" shouted Dumbledore.

"To the lost," echoed the Hall. Harry, stealing a glance at the Slytherin table saw to his shock that most of them were standing with glasses raised, Adiann among them.

"I say to you all, once again -- in the light of Lord Voldemort's return, we are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided. Lord Voldemort's gift for spreading discord and enmity is very great. We can fight it only by showing an equally strong bond of friendship and trust. You are divided in your houses, but Hogwarts as a whole is your family. Now, it is time to eat, then off we go to enjoy another holiday."

Dumbledore sat down and food instantly filled the tables. Harry smiled sadly at the food and began loading his plate. Appearing to be taking the lead from him, everyone along the Gryffindor table picked up something and began eating quietly.

A train ride, bus ride, and plane ride later and Harry was beginning to think floo powder was the best way to travel.

"Why couldn't we take a portkey or floo powder?" asked Ron loudly when they got off the plane.

"Ron, shut up! Do you know how many muggles can hear you?"

"Oh bugger, I don't care!"

"Well I do! Come on, we need to go over here so they can check our passports then we need to go through WIC."

"_Wic?_" asked Tori, struggling with her trunk.

"Wizarding International Customs," said Alianna, surprising Harry. "What? I lived in America for a while."

Harry just nodded and tried to readjust his trunk and Hedwig's cage.

"How much farther Devon?" asked Harry as he nearly dropped his trunk again. "And don't they have trolley's?" he asked irritably.

"Mama, did ya hear that boy? He sounds funny don't he?" said a small girl tugging on her mother's pant leg.

"Jessica Lynn don't be rude!" scolded the mother.

"Where are yniz from?" called the girl after them.

"Yniz?" asked Hermione shaking her head. "Oh goodness, were did you bring us Professor?"

Devon just laughed.

A taxi ride later they were standing in front of a very tall apartment building, on a very busy road.

"Alright, everyone listen up This is were I live. We are on the 22 floor."

"Please tell me we don't have to walk up 22 floors," Ron whined.

"Of course not Ron, we're taking the elevator."

It turned out Ron did not like elevator. Ginny found it exciting, and Hermione, Harry, Tori and Alianna had all already been in them.

"Never again, never ever again!" said Ron when the elevator finally stopped, the doors opening before it even stopped.

"You're welcome to take the stairs Ron, but I don't recommend it." said Devon, coming to a stop at the end of the hall.

She began fumbling in her pockets for her keys, when a door across the hall opened and revealed a man in his mid thirties. He was tall and dark haired with a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt that said 'D-Fence' on it and had a picture of a fence behind the wording. He was staring at the seven of them. Harry could understand; between the seven trunks, two cages, and ginger cat they were an odd bunch.

"Devon! So good to see ya, I've been worried ya left fer good or sompin," said the man.

Harry looked at Ron who had stuffed his fist in his mouth to keep from laughing. Harry didn't blame him, as he himself had little idea of what the man had just said.

"Tim! Nice to see you as well. I'm still here. Been working in Europe for the past couple months, these are some of my charges. Harry Potter, Ron and Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger, Tori Talons, and Alianna Colomano. They'll be staying with me this holiday," she said, all the while still fumbling in her bag looking for her keys.

"Rilly! Wow ats alot of kids, isn't yinzes place only two bedrooms?" he asked his smile still firmly in place.

"Yeah it is, but we'll manage. Where did I put those damn keys!" Devon was now dumping her bag onto the floor and searching desperately for the missing keys.

"Jano I have an extra set of keys onnat apartment, let me git dem fer you." He walked into his apartment. Devon wasted no time and pulled out her wand.

"Like I ever use keys! _Alohamora. _Really!"

"What did he just say? I couldn't understand half of it!" said Ron pushing his trunk into the apartment.

"Got them! Oh yinz got it unlocked, woll I'll jest keep dese fer next time, jest in case. Welcome to Picksburg yinzes! If yinz need anyone to show yinz arahnd dahntahn let me know. Sees ya!" And with that he winked at Devon and walked into his apartment.

Devon quickly looked around. Seeing no one else around, she levitated the trunks. The next second Tim's door opened again and the trunks quickly fell to the ground, causing a loud crash that echoed in the hall.

"Yinz Oakel-Doakel dere? Dropped da luggage, do yinz need help wit that, sugar?" he asked, rushing over to help Devon with a trunk that had fallen on her foot.

"No, just fine Tim!" she said through gritted teeth. "What did you need?"

"Oh woll, jest wanted to invite yinz to my Stillers party this Sundy, we're playing da Brownies! Game starts at 1."

"We'll try! Thank you."

Tim nodded and shut the door again. Hurrying this time Devon, levitated the trunks into the apartment and shut the door and pressed her back to it hard, her eyes shut tightly.

"Why did you move here, Devon? Why?" she asked herself under her breath.

Harry looked around the apartment; it wasn't big, but it wasn't small either. The kitchen, living room and dining room were all open to one another. Along the back wall were four doors. The dining table was small and round, with enough seating for four people. Harry was starting to think that having all of them here was not going to work.

Devon seemed to be reading his mind.

"Don't worry Harry a few adjustments and all 11 of us will be staying here nicely."

"ELEVEN! I thought it was just us seven! Where do you get eleven?" he asked, looking at the now seemingly small apartment with disbelief.

"Well you six, me, Remus, Roxxi, Tonks, and her younger brother Phoenix. That makes eleven right?" she began counting on her fingers. "Yeah, 11."

Harry glanced around the small room again, shrugged, and walked back to the room she pointed out as the one he'd be sharing with his friends. It was going to be a long holiday.

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**A/N: Lets give it up to Pittsburghese ya y'all know I had to put it in I AM from Pittsburgh after all!**

**Also I know this chapter is very lite considering what just happened in the last chapter but I thought we needed a breather chapter before we took in more heavy stuff.**

**Review you know I love it when you do**!


	23. Roxxi Fuego and Phoenix Tonks

**Harry Potter's Deepest Fears**

**Chapter 23 - Roxxi Fuego and Phoenix Tonks.**

**Disclaimer: Same same, I don't own anything...

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Devon's apartment, having not been lived in for the past few months, took some cleaning up. After putting away their luggage, they helped Devon dust, uncover all the furniture, and ready the rooms for eleven people. In one of the bedrooms Devon transfigured the one twin bed into six twin beds all lining the back wall. This left just enough room to put their trunks at the bottom and be able to climb over them to get to the beds.

"It's tight but it will do," she said when they were finished.

They moved on to the main bedroom. This room had a queen-sized bed that took up most of the room plus a small writing desk in it. Devon transfigured the desk into another twin bed and set it along the far wall.

"Two will fit in the Queen bed and then another can sleep on the twin. That leaves two for the sofa bed." Having finished rearranging the bedrooms Devon made lunch.

Lunch forced her to deal with a few more problems. The first and most obvious was how 7 of them today and 11 every other day were going to sit around a table for four. Devon, carefully checking how much room there was to spare, transfigured the table to be bigger so that they could just squeeze 12 people around it. The second problem came when lunch was ready. Devon had attempted to make beef stew. She walked around the table and served them each a spoonful of a very runny, gray-looking soup.

"Oh bloody hell, this is horrible." She waved her wand and the slop that Harry and Hermione had been looking curiously at disappeared. "Everyone knows I can't cook to save my life."

Devon stood with her hands on her hips, chewing her bottom lip as she looked around her tiny apartment.

"Right. Grab your coats; we're going out."

And out they went to a restaurant called Eat 'n Park. This was a very interesting experience for Harry. For one, he was not use to American foods, and two, their waitress, a young girl named Tiffany, simply loved their accents. As they waited for a table, Harry took the time to look around the room.

Ron and Ginny were very interested in everything around them. The buffet in the middle of the room caused them both to walk by slowly, staring at it and the lights above it; this caused the hostess to think they were 'special' and she spoke to them both as though they were two years old.

After the interesting lunch that sent their poor waitress running around like crazy, they headed back to Devon's apartment to take a nap; the time changes had made them all very sleepy.

Harry did not realize it, but they had slept through the night. The next morning Devon woke them all early and offered to make them breakfast. Luckily for them, Hermione and Ginny offered to do it for her.

"Hermione, I want you to call your parents today. I know you wrote them a letter about staying here, but I don't want them to worry. Tell them that you can come visit them throughout the month too. I can orb you there if you'd like."

Hermione nodded, but looked like calling her parents was going to be harder than normal. An hour and three phone calls later, Hermione stormed off to the bedroom and slammed the door behind her, crying. Devon looked old and tired as she got on the phone with Mrs. and Mr. Granger and tried to explain to them that due to the attack on the village outside of school, Hermione wanted to be with her friends, and that Devon could bring her back with-in seconds for things such as Christmas dinner and opening presents. Eventually Hermione's parents agreed, on the conditions that Hermione had to be home for Christmas Eve; that way she could have dinner with the family and open presents the next morning. Then maybe she could come back and stay the rest of the holiday with her friends.

Next, Devon made Tori call her mother, who lived in North Carolina. Tori sounded reluctant to do this and after a short phone call hung up, looking pleased. No fighting, yelling, or questions came Devon's way, which she looked grateful for.

Remus, Roxxi, Tonks, and Phoenix were all suppose to arrive later that day.

"How are they getting here Devon?" asked Harry around midday.

"Remus is Apparating, Roxxi is flying in I think, and Tonks and Phoenix are err, actually I'm not sure how they're getting here."

Right after that had been said, Remus Apparated with a small 'pop' in front of them, causing Harry, Ginny and Devon (who were all in the living room when he arrived) to jump.

"Speak of the wolf!" she said warmly, hugging Remus tightly.

"Look at you Cliodna, you're looking great, but your hair!" Remus cast a glance at Harry and Ginny. "Who made her angry?"

"All of them," said Devon lightly, still smiling.

Remus laughed. He and Devon chatted a bit about the Order, school and the three they were waiting for. Harry stood and watched them, his arm around Ginny. Their friendship really showed with them together, bantering back and forth about old jokes and 'old times'. Harry smiled as the others filed out of the room where Ron had been challenging Alianna to a chess match; by the look on his face he had beaten her. Hermione held his hand, her chain with the ring on it glistening in the sunlight that streamed in.

Remus looked over his shoulder at the mess of kids behind them.

"Cliodna! I thought you said Harry and maybe a couple of his friends, not the whole of Gryffindor house!"

"What did you expect me to do Remus? Harry wanted to bring them, they're his friends! Plus, this is the safest place; no one knows it's even here. Y'all couldn't find me for 15 years. I'd rather have a house full of safe kids then have one or two stay and have their friends all be in danger."

Remus nodded his agreement and walked over to the group to say hello to everyone.

"Professor Lupin, nice to see you," said Tori.

"Not a Professor anymore Tori, you can call me Remus."

"Yes! While here there are no professors, the next person to call me that is sleeping at Tim's!"

The laughing was interrupted by a knocking on the door. Devon put her head in her hand and mumbled something about moving. Harry watched her open the door slowly, as though expecting the worst. Harry never expected a beautiful, scantily clad woman to walk in.

When she walked in Harry's mouth instantly fell open; he didn't care, he also completely forgot about his recently reacquired girlfriend who was standing next to him. The women who came in with Devon was tall and dark, with big, deep brown eyes and silky, short black hair that was cut into a short fringe and fell around her ears. She had the longest legs that Harry had ever seen; they went on for miles until coming to a very short, red mini-skirt. Harry looked over her several times, taking in the red jacket that matched the mini skirt, the short black halter top that showed off a toned 6 pack and the 'V' where the hips meet the torso, as well as a good bit of cleavage. Had it not been for the slap in the back of the head that Ginny gave him, Harry didn't think he'd ever have stopped staring.

"Roxxi¿Cómo usted es¡Yo no le he visto en años!"

Devon was smiling at Roxxi, but Roxxi had a scowl on her face; she looked pissed.

"¡Años¡Años¡Yo le daré años, la chica¡Ningunos búhos, ningunas llamadas¡Nada durante quince años¿Sabe usted que cuán largos quince años son¿Le hace?"

Roxxi began such rapid Spanish that Harry couldn't understand any of it; he looked back at Hermione and Ron and saw that they too looked confused. Roxxi was now pointing her long red fingernail at Devon, slowly backing her into the kitchen counter.

"¡Yo le diré¡Es largo¡Lily muere¡Usted sale Sirius está en Azkaban¡Usted debe tener sabe¡El nunca los habría dolido como eso¡Nunca duélaLE quiere eso!" Devon was now backed into the counter, looking like she was going to cry.

"Roxxi, Roxxi ¡Calme por favor yo no sé el ese tanto de español!" she said, her hands raised trying to pat Roxxi's shoulders.

"¡Su nada pero un pollo¡Usted se escapó¿Usted dejó a sus amigos, por qué¿Por qué nos saldría usted?" Roxxi appeared not to hear Devon, but although she sounded just as angry, her voice had a note of pleading in it. Harry would have given anything to understand what she was saying.

"¡Lo siento Roxxi, yo hice no - yo no supe lo que hacer! Por favor, calm down, are you really mad at me?" she finished in English.

"¡No!" she seemed defeated. She gave Devon a strong hug. "Just next time, tell me before you run away chica."

"That I can do, I don't plan on going anywhere." Devon turned around, but Roxxi grabbed her arm.

"Lo sentía de oír de Sirius' la muerte, Cliodna."

"Mí también," she said, looking sad.

"Can someone tell me what was just said?" asked Ron from the back, his eyes still directed at Roxxi's legs. Hermione hit him in the head again, but it didn't appear to affect Ron.

"Pull your eyes back in your head and stop drooling," Roxxi said in her Hispanic accent.

"Roxxi, this is Ron Weasley and his girlfriend Hermione. In the back there is Tori and Alianna. This is Ginny Weasley, Ron's sister, and Harry Potter." Devon pointed out each of the people as she called out their name. Roxxi looked at each one, giving them all an appraising look.

When Devon pointed out Harry, Roxxi's features softened and she actually smiled at him.

"Your parents were good people, good friends," she said, rolling her 'r's.

Harry just nodded, smiling slightly and tightening his grip on Ginny. She sunk into him, wrapping her arms around him.

"Kids, this is Roxxi Fuego, a very good friend of mine and Remus." Roxxi's head shot up very fast; obviously she hadn't seen Remus when she walked in.

"Remus," she whispered.

"Hola Roxanne."

"You're looking well."

"So are you."

The tension in the room was batted back and forth between them. Answering and asking each other questions with only a few words, but with miles and miles of emotion. Harry could feel the energy between them, the tension, and the love.

"I haven't seen you around the Order lately," said Remus, not sounding like himself.

"Yeah, work, been out in the...err... field lately. Gathering information."

"I know what you do, 'out in the field'." said Remus, anger jumping into his voice.

"What I do is important!" she shouted.

It was like a tennis match, the speed of the ball getting faster.

"What you do is... dirty!"

Roxxi hauled off and smacked Remus across the face, leaving a red hand print across his cheek. Hermione, Alianna, and Tori all threw their hands to their mouths. Ginny jumped and Ron and Harry stood, mouths open at them. The fury written on Roxxi's every feature was scary.

"¡Manche¡Manche! I will give you dirty! You try doing what I do Remus, you go out there and put your life on the line for a few measly bits of Intel, you go and have those- puercos - lust after you while you're trying to detach yourself in order to gain just a bit of good information! Then you can call me dirty!" She walked back to the master bedroom, pushing Remus out of her way, and slammed the door so hard that the pictures on the wall fell off and broke.

"Oh damn it! Remus, why do you have to do that?" asked Devon, pulling out her wand to restore the picture frames. "You two use to be so good together, I think you're actually the one person she just might love, and you have to go and act like an ass!"

"She doesn't love me; she doesn't know how to love!" Remus spat, the words out but clearly not liking them. "She knows lust and sex; that's it! This was a bad idea Cliodna, I shouldn't be here."

Remus started walking out the door. Devon, after fixing the frames, ran over to him, shutting the door with her wand.

"NO! We are going to have this Christmas thing if it kills us! Which it might just do! Now go and apologize!" She pointed to the door and Remus, looking angrier than Harry had ever seen him, walked to the door and started talking quietly through it.

"Why don't we give them a bit of privacy? How about going into your room until Tonks and Phoenix get here?"

They agreed and walked past Remus (whose head was pressed against the door and speaking slowly in Spanish) to their room. When the door was shut Ron asked again for a translation.

"Well, Spanish is not my best language, but Roxxi was yelling at Devon about leaving for fifteen years, saying how she should have know that - err that Sirius would never hurt her, or your parents." She said it quickly, obviously thinking that hearing fast would be less painful.

"Well, she should have." said Harry frustrated.

"What would you have thought Harry?" asked Hermione cautiously.

"What if it was RON? I'd believe he'd never betray me!" said Harry. "What would you think? You can't tell me you'd think Ron would betray us!"

Hermione bit her lip, looking from Ron to Harry.

"Hermione?" asked Ron, looking at her with disbelief.

"Well, of course I'd believe you Ronald! I'm just saying… I don't know what I'm saying."

It was a tense moment just staring at each other, none of them sure the other would believe him, and none sure they would believe the others.

From the next room over came angry shouts in Spanish, Remus' calm voice rising as he too shouted in Spanish, and Devon's clear Irish accent telling them to 'Please calm down.'

"I can't believe what she does!" said Hermione, looking at the wall with disdain.

Harry too did not want to believe it, but obviously it was necessary, or Dumbledore would never have approved. Harry cast a glance around. Everyone was looking at everyone else, none of them wishing to discuss the illicit acts that allowed Roxxi to be such a good spy.

"What do you mean? How did you all get what she does out of what she said?" asked Ron, looking around at them clueless.

"Ronald, were you listening to her?" asked Hermione with forced calm.

"Yeah, she said her work was important..."

"And after that?"

Ron just stared at her, Harry and the others turned away, not wanting to have to be the one who actually said it out loud.

"Ron she, err, she obtains information from Death Eaters..."

"Yeah?"

"Death Eaters who are mostly men..." Hermione was making a 'come on!' motion with her hand. "She uses her - good looks to get this information." Ron's face was still blank. "Seduces them?"

Suddenly Ron's face took on a look of understanding.

"You mean she- err." His ears were turning bright red and he looked flushed. "She ya-- with?"

"Yes Ronald, that is what she does."

"Oh my." Ron slumped to his bed and looked at the wall where the yelling was still coming from.

A knock on the door stopped the yelling. Harry opened the door to their bedroom and peered into the living area. Walking into the apartment, clad in trunks, was Tonks and a very wild looking man.

"Tonks and her brother are here. Let's go out." said Harry to the group, and they filed off the beds and out of the room.

"You mean to tell me we could all be in a huge house! Instead we're cramped into this tiny apartment, tell me again Remus why you closed headquarters for the holiday?" said Tonks, looking around at all the people.

"Devon wanted me to stay here, and there is no one to watch headquarters; you actually think I'd leave you alone in that house for a month?" he said, although he was smiling. "Especially with him?" he added, pointing at the man standing next to her.

Harry looked at the man and thought the same thing. He was dressed in a pair of leather pants that were very tight on him and a t-shirt that said, 'The voices in my head tell me to tell you hi'; this paired with the combat boots and body piercing was wild enough, add in his purple and green hair that was put into several spikes each about two inches long, and he looked down-right brutal.

Harry glanced at Ginny and found her, Hermione, Tori, and even Alianna looking at the man; they clearly liked the bad-ass look.

"G'day mate. Ah- nipper, you didn't say there'd be all these ankle biters running a round." he said in an Australian accent, shaking Remus hand.

"Nipper- I'll nipper you! I'm still older than you Phoenix, and if these are ankle bitters then so are you. They're 16!" said Tonks hitting Phoenix on the head.

"Bloody hell, you mean we have another language to learn?" said Ron, throwing his hands up in the air.

"He's got a few Kangaroos loose in the top paddock, doesn't he?" asked Phoenix, whispering in Tonks ear.

Introductions were made, and trunks were shrunken and put away. Tonks explained that Phoenix, her younger brother, was a pain when they were little so her parents had sent him to Australian School for Wayward Wizards, a reform school in the Outback.

They spent the rest of the day talking and getting to know each other. Phoenix, it turned out, was a very good cook and was appointed chef of the apartment. Tonks showed everyone some new noses she had been working on, and Remus and Roxxi seemed to have come to an agreement to just not speak.

Devon, playing the ever-attentive hostess, attempted to make sure everyone was thinking about something other than the attacks; unfortunately for all of them, they were always there, lurking in the back of their minds. The anguished screams of students burned alive, the last look on a face tinted with green, these images remained forever ingrained into the six friends' minds.

* * *

**A/N: Hey everyone! Hope you are enjoying everything thus far. Big surprise's coming up my favorite chapters are right around the corner so keep reviewing because every time I get a review I want to write more and more! Also if you could let me know what you think of the new characters I would very much appreciate it!**


	24. Christmas Surprise's

**Harry Potter's Deepest Fears**

**Chapter 24 - Christmas Surprise's**

**Disclaimer- I own nothing yet again. **

The next few days passed. Devon, intent on keeping them thinking of other things, spent the time taking them sight seeing around Pittsburgh.They went to many places, and Ginny, Hermione, Tori and Alianna could always be heard saying how surprisingly beautiful this city was. Ron was still grumbling about the way the people talked, but he had gotten better at understanding Phoenix, whose consent use of Aussie slang was beginning to rub off on all of them; Roxxi had even been trying to keep the Spanish to a minimum.

The beginning of December brought wicked winds and mounds of cold frozen snow. The weather was much colder here than at Hogwarts. The winds burned any skin not covered and the sight seeing was brought to a halt. They instead went to countless funerals, Devon orbing them to each of them.

The funerals soon started blending together, Dean's, Seamus', and Neville's the first of many. Hermione, Ginny, Alianna and Tori cried so much over the two weeks it took for all the funerals that they had runny red noses and puffy eyes that would not go away.

At each funeral Harry felt selfish and horrid; he did not deserve to mourn these wonderful people when he himself had taken a life that same day.

The fact that he had killed someone haunted him; he dreamt of her shocked eyes, and the green cast her hair took on as the life left her. Alianna's anguished screams echoed in his head during each funeral and caused him more pain than the death of his friends, something he hid from everyone including Ginny and Devon.

During one cold lazy day a week after their last funeral, Harry and Ginny were laying on the bed doing nothing but talking when a large brown owl started pecking at the window above their heads.

Harry opened the window and untied the large bundle of letters and the equally large package the owl had. As soon as he had freed them, the owl took off, soaring into the gray clouds.

Harry looked at the stack of letters: a Daily Prophet, letters for Devon, a couple for Remus, one for Tonks, and a few for Phoenix. Harry separated them into piles and was shocked to find that the package was for himself.

Harry walked into the living area where the others were gathered, observing an intense game of wizard's chess played between Ron and Phoenix. Phoenix's bishop was now in a fearsome battle with Ron's queen. Harry smiled; he didn't think Ron had ever lost his queen, and to be losing her meant that Ron had finally found a worthy player.

"Post came," said Harry, handing everyone their respective stacks. Harry gave Hermione the Prophet and she immediately dug into it.

Harry handed Alianna the letter she had gotten and received a strange look, one that said she couldn't believe that she was getting a letter.

Harry settled down on the floor and started opening the letter attached to the package, while Ginny got them some pumpkin juice.

_Dear Mr. Potter, _

_I do hope your holiday is going better than the events prior to it. Over the next month we will not be able to meet, but I thought that postponing your treatment til then would be harmful. I am hoping you will continue with the potion regimen we have worked out; I have sent along a supply that should last you all month. If Evil Harry has any outbreaks, I would like you to owl me as soon as you can afterward. Please remember, take half a cup every two days. _

_Hope your holiday is good, _

_Professor S. Nosizwe _

Harry smiled to himself. How nice of her to send this. Harry asked Devon where he could put the potion so that it would not be in the way, then took a half a cup and put the rest in the kitchen. A loud groan came from Ron as he lostm, and Phoenix let out a joyful whoop.

The days passed slowly, and Harry greatly wished there was more to do. However, spending time with Ginny was nice; a month apart had only strengthened the feelings Harry had for her.

As Christmas approached, Devon took to decorating the apartment with an assortment of Muggle and wizarding decorations. She put up a small table top tree in every room, complete with popcorn strings, real fairy lights, and Christmas bulbs. She also hung garlands and mistletoe around the house. The house soon looked warm and full of Christmas cheer. However the house looked though, it was not helping Harry. He still had no idea what to get anyone for Christmas. Hermione and Ron would be easy, that was if he could get to a store. Ginny was his problem, and Devon; what were you suppose to get someone who was going to be your Godmother that you just met a couple months ago?

Luckily for Harry, the problem of where to buy his gifts once he actually decided what to get everyone was solved by Hermione.

"Devon, is there anywhere around here like Diagon Alley?" she asked one day, sitting by the fire.

"Actually, yeah, it's across the bridge in South Side. A place called Wicca Road," Devon said, marking the page of the book she was reading. "We should go there tomorrow; it's one of my favorite places."

So now Harry had the place, but still no idea what he was getting anyone. Harry was also wondering how he was going to pay for all this with his Gringotts vault back in London.

The next day, Devon took them to the South Side, down a dingy alley to a dead end. Making sure there was no one around, she took out her wand and made a pentagram in the bricking. Seconds later the wall melted away, revealing a road with stores very similar to Diagon Alley.

Everyone went in different directions: Ginny, kissing him on the cheek, told him she'd meet up with him later, that she was going with Tori and Alianna to get his present; Ron and Hermione wandered off to look at some store that caught their interest; and Phoenix headed to Body Canvas' (a tattoo shop), Tonks calling after him that he wasn't getting another one. Harry stood in the entrance, looking around for any sign of a bank.

"Er- Devon, is there anyway I can get money from my Gringotts vault?" he asked, feeling foolish.

"Harry, of course! Come on, I need to get a bit as well."

They walked off toward the end of the road. Devon explained that every branch of Gringotts was connected to the same set of vaults, and that when you entered a Gringotts anywhere in the world, you were immediately taken to the main one, which happened to be located in London.

After filling his pockets with gold, Harry and Devon headed their separate ways to shop. Harry wandered around and finally bought a few things: a book for Hermione called _'Things You Don't Know, Yes That Means You, You Know-it-all!' and_ for Ron a new Chudley Cannons t-shirt, being that Harry had stolen the previous one. He bought Tori a shirt that said 'Weird Sisters' on it because he knew that was her favorite band; he bought a another one that said 'Train' on it for Luna and planned to send it with Hedwig to her that night. He found a specialized Web Book for Alianna that, when given information, would store it and build off it; this meant that the more information about her family she put in, the more she'd get back out. He included a note with it promising her he'd help her find her family; he just hoped she would like it.

With only half an hour to go before he met up with everyone to go home, Harry was becoming panicky. He still had nothing for Devon or Ginny! As he was walking back to the entrance, Harry saw a store he did not remember seeing on the way to the Bank. A hanging sign declared the name, 'Those hard-to-find gifts for those hard-to-buy-for people.' Harry was positive that that store had not been there before. Curious, he walked into the building.

It was tight, dark and dank. The dirty windows prevented any light from outside from shining in, and the inside was lit by only a few candles. Harry looked around for the owner. It being hard to see, Harry squinted his eyes, peering into the darkness.

"Welcome, Mr. Potter, you're looking for two gifts, correct?" said a very old voice; it sounded to Harry like a squeaky door jam that needed its hinges oiled.

"How did you know that?" Harry asked the darkness.

"It is in the air Mr. Potter, you gave yourself away. Now let's see, a present for your girlfriend, and one for your Godmother? No wait, your nearly Godmother, there is an interesting story. One that time does not permit for; you will come back and tell me it I hope," said the same old, creaky voice, in a slow, monotone drawl.

Harry watched as a small man came into view. He was shorter than Harry by at least a foot, and had a hunched-over appearance that shortened him even more. He wore big, thick glasses that distorted his eyes; this man looked quite mad. He started rummaging through the boxes of junk that covered every open part of the store except for a small walkway down the center.

The small man mumbled to himself as he pulled out thing after thing, throwing each of them away in another direction and shaking his head.

"No no no!- perhaps, - er- not that silly silly..."

Harry glanced at his watch to find he'd been in this strange store for nearly his whole half hour, and was no closer to choosing a gift than he had been. Just as Harry was about to tell the old man he was leaving, he popped up, shouting an enthusiastic 'ah ha!' and waving about two pieces of jewelry. They both looked old and tainted.

"Now this is for your girlfriend," said the man, indicating the rusted jewelry. "Give her this half, and you keep the other; it is an indicator as to whether or not you're in danger, and will give her peace of mind, knowing if you're safe or not." He handed Harry the dirty necklaces, one just a chain, the other with a stone on the end.

Harry looked at them; they looked ancient. He couldn't give Ginny something like this, she deserved better.

"Now, now boy, take that, go home and clean them up and she will love them!" he was pushing Harry toward the door with his crippled, bent hands.

Harry had just reached the door when again the little man squealed.

"Ah, and the other, nearly forgot! Give the gift of advice, Mr. Potter. Tell this Godmother person to 'go with the experiment.' It's the best present she'll ever get."

Harry was more confused as he again walked out of the store. The sunlight blinded him, and after regaining his vision, realized that he had not paid for the necklaces. However, when Harry turned, the store was gone, as though it had never been there.

That night as Harry went to bed, he thought about the mysterious store and the old shopkeeper. He had not told anyone about it. They all thought he was crazy enough, no need to add to it.

In the week before Christmas, Tyler Gryffin came for a visit, staying at the apartment. He and Alianna seemed to spend alot of time together throughout that week. Tori was also spending time with a certain wild boy. She had taken an extreme liking to Phoenix, and was often found flirting with him.

Christmas Eve came, and Hermione left for her parents' house. They had all given her their presents before she left, but she refused to do the same, saying they could open hers tomorrow.

Christmas Day came with a wave of snow. Devon went around to all of them, shaking each one awake and yelling 'It's Christmas! Presents! UP WAKE UP!' Harry was not amused and just wanted to fall back asleep, but Ginny and the others had different ideas. One by one they all got up. Devon had gathered a mound of presents. Tonks and Phoenix, who were sleeping on the couch, both looked half-awake, their hair an array of colors and all over the place. Remus and Roxxi both were staring daggers at Devon, but sat on the floor anyway, putting several people between them.

"When did you become a morning person?" grumbled Roxxi.

Devon ignored her and started bustling around with the presents. When everyone was gathered, Devon started passing out presents. Soon enough Harry had a mound of presents at his feet. They all started tearing into their gifts; Hagrid had gotten Harry an assortment of rock cakes, and a book entitled, '_How Dangerous is Dangerous?'_ that made Harry feel uneasy. Ron got him an assortment of all his favorite candies, Hermione another planner; this one changed colors and eventually blew up if you didn't use it. Alianna had gotten him a package that said 'open in private' and Tori had given Harry a Weird Sisters spell that allowed you to listen to their latest songs any time you wanted.

Gift after gift was unwrapped, thank you's were thrown about, and in the middle of all the chaos Fred, George, Bill, Fleur, and Charlie came over, bringing more packages into the mess.

They were welcomed by Ron and Ginny, who were very pleased at being back with family after so long. Throughout all the greetings and hugs, Harry too was pulled into the group of Weasleys, Fred telling him he was as much a part of this family as anyone there. Harry felt very grateful to the Weasleys for including him.

Around lunch time the pile of presents that Devon had passed out were opened. Harry was waiting to give Ginny her gift, which after being cleaned was quite beautiful.It also worked; Harry had tested it and found that if he was being hurt or in danger of being hurt the stone got unbearable hot.

Remus stood up and started handing out his gifts. Everyone thanked him and started opening the gifts; Harry's breath caught in his throat as he saw what Remus had given him. Inside a small box was very old book, one that looked like a journal. On the cover it said,_ 'Messers Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs give to you: The Story of our lives.' _Harry looked at Remus, who nodded. Tears stung his eyes as he pulled the very old book to his chest.

Ginny looked at him, smiling, clearly worried as to whether he was alright or not. He tried to smile back, instead he gave her a quick kiss and pulled out the small box he had put her necklace in. His was already around his neck, tucked under his collar. She smiled, kissed him again, and handed Harry a box as well.

Putting it aside he watched as she opened the small box and pulled out the chain.

"Oh Harry, it's beautiful!"

It is now.

"Will you put it on me?"

Harry nodded and took the necklace as she pulled up her hair for him to clasp it. It fell right over her heart.

"Beautiful, it's special; that part will grow hot if I'm ever in danger," he said, showing her his chain.

Ginny leaned over and kissed him.

"Thank you. Now open yours." She indicated the forgotten package.

Harry picked it up, opening it slowly. Inside was a rose, and a letter with drops of red on it. The red drops looked to Harry to be blood. His heart was not beating properly, but skipping every few beats. Harry stole a glace at Ginny but she just motioned for him to read. Carefully he picked up the parchment and read aloud.

_An ancient spell of love, _

_a heart that's given over, _

_a soulmate found and lost, _

_never to lose again. _

_My heart is yours, _

_my love is strong, _

_I bind you to me by blood, _

_I show you my love by the rose. _

_A promise made never to be broken, _

_love cherished forever til you end it._

Harry read it through twice and looked up at Ginny.

"What does it mean?" His voice did not sound like his own.

"It's a spell, a promise; a wizards promise. It says that I love you and I'm not going to run away again. I'm not going to leave you; if I do, a horrible fate will befall me. The only way we can ever break up again is for you to do it Harry."

For a long moment he just looked at her, the noise of laughter and carols around them drowned out by the pounding in his ears.

"You'd do this for me?" he asked when he found his voice again.

"Yes, it's already done; the end of the spell was poking your finger with a rose thorn and spilling your blood over the parchment." She showed Harry the small indent in her finger where she had cut herself.

Words were inadequate to express what he was feeling, so he hugged her.

Later in the day all the presents had been given out. Harry felt frustrated; he had not gotten Devon anything, and had no idea of anything to give her other then the old man's advice. His feelings toward her were mixed; she had not gotten him anything, and although he didn't much care about the present, it was the principle that upset him. They were suppose to be building a relationship and he felt she should have gotten him something.

After a loud and noisy dinner cooked by Phoenix, they were sitting around the table, everyone other than Devon looking stuffed and sleepy. She looked as bubbly as ever; one could even say she looked nervous.

She stood up and cleared her throat. Everyone looked at her; she seemed both excited and scared.

_Coldfire... _

"I have a couple more presents to give out." Her smile was a bit too forced, and something in Harry's stomach churned. "Ron, Ginny, Fred, George, Bill, and Charlie, your gift is in another building, I'd like to take you all there right now if that's okay?"

Looking confused, they all nodded and gathered around Devon. A second later they were gone and another second later Devon was back.

"Harry, you're next." Again the nervous excitement was on her face; she looked scared out of her wits.

Harry glanced at Remus, who smiled at him warmly and walked over, taking Devon's hand. In an instant they were gone.

A second later they had reappeared in a well-furnished flat. Harry was just getting over the cold when he felt Devon move away from him. She had left his side and retreated to the far corner of the room.

Harry looked around the room, taking everything in and still very confused. A shape caught his eye, and he turned to look. Sitting on the couch was a man slumped over, elbows on his knees, head in his hands, his long black hair falling to cover his face.

Harry's heart was beating so fast; he wasn't breathing, and time stood still.

The man lifted his head, and Harry took a sharp breath, choking on the air.

_Sirius._

**Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who is sticking with me and again I am sorry for the long wait for updates it is really hard when you don't have a computer! Hope you like the cliffee... Muah hahahaha!**


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